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Really strong premise, great start and I was in when I figured out what was going on.
That being said, it kinda just followed a linear path, with no real surprises or twists. I think you've actually come up with a really good idea here, but you need to take it out of this OWC and build on it.
As it stands at the moment, really strong idea which needs expanding, but not enough to compete at the top of the challenge.
I like men too. But I like the originality of the idea here. Having said that there are influences I noticed like Divergent specifically, but this is still good in my book.
I might come up with some constructive criticism later but for now, not much I'd change.
Cap Mom (I sound like a broken record) when Mom can be replaced with the first name. See me after class if you don't get it.
Interesting concept, I like the idea where no men exist, where they have to choose a vessel to live on. The ending is okay, I see what you were trying to attempt.
Overall it's not bad, pretty good, I don't think it'll win, a good entry.
It's a good story and an interesting idea. I'm thinking it would work much better as a feature.
Women without men - the idea is out there but yours has a different angle, so you might choose to expand on it.
I liked the rebirth angle. As the entry goes - it was a captivating read. The ending lacks punch - but I know you planned to show that she chose to stick with her daughter - which is good. Still needs more of a punch to it. I think you need to infuse the script with some more conflict. I know Rose doesn't want to follow the rules but she does nothing about it.
With such quantity, dialogue loses context and importance.
"I’m afraid that’s not possible. You are one hundred today, and that’s the limit. You must rebirth. It’s the law."
This is the first clear moment that made me understand the general concept of Rose having to do Rebirth. Too late at p5. There's too much unclear talk about the purge and what was before that we should have had a better understanding of by having the above information from the start.
It has its charm and I dare to say I like some general thoughts in it. There's potential for a low-budget Scifi imo. What's up with your dialogues writer? It must been said that I think there's 90% too much of it. Needs restructuring and focus.
Well, just like everyone else has said, this is a really good idea. There's just no room in a story this size for it to develop into something more. I'd be interested to know if the writer plans on making a feature with this idea. I'd be sure to read it.
I love the premise! Good for the brain. Please clean up the script as suggested by other readers and possibly extend the number of pages to improve the story. This script has a strong potential. My best, Fausto
Great premise. Not sure how well it's executed, but, I love the idea.
I'd like to know more about the Purge. Perhaps Rose could complain how much more fun life was with men.
I mean, are we talking planet of the apes where all the dogs and cats just died off? Was it violent?
You have an entire world based around an event, but, don't give us the event. Mean, very mean.
I'd love to read this when you don't have to worry about page count. Tell the story, as it should be told.
I'm also assuming this is far into the future, to be able to transplant memories into a new body. Is the body human? Where do they get them from?
Can a transplanted good person turn out bad? That's a great question...
So, they live in a world where you can live forever, yet, in just 100 years, women couldn't vote. This isn't Earth. Women could vote in the year 1920. If she were born in 1917 (making her 100) then she'd never recall not being able to vote.
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!