The bolded note. Nope, not needed. Let the reader decide what the mind's eye sees.

It took a while to get used to the foul language - I was having a visual disconnect with the characters and content. Once that adjustment was made things flowed better.

Basically, this was  a 12 minute "get your shit together" speech for our Disney live action characters with equal time for the forgotten stars. Pleasantly surprised by Snow White's persona and zingers.

The ending was okay. A reveal that the original stars were involved might add something. How about  an evil laugh by the elderly Mouse and his cohorts at the end as their upstart rivals are eliminated?

I can see the door swinging open and slamming into the wall, but "slamming open"???

If if weren't for MTV Classic, the "MTV videos" scenario would be impossible from the get-go, unless a major MTV artist (Michael Jackson or Prince caliber) recently died.

I never got to see Wreck-It-Ralph, so I don't know who Sgt. Calhoun is.

"She smiles - likes this." typo?

Quoted Text CALHOUN (To herself) Mission time, bitches.

Good luck getting cooperation from Disney.

Ariel. Finally, I character I've heard of. First movie I ever remember seeing was The Little Mermaid. I'm reading her lines in Jodi Benson's voice.

"What [are] we going to do?"

Ooh. That Sebastian diss. Ha ha! Unda da sea! Unda da sea!

"excited to the see"

Who's Matt? I think you mean mat or matte.

Another familiar face, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty.

Definitely not Disney language!

Mal's dialogue is a little too long; should be broken up.

"Bad anal retention." Disney will never go for this.

"shoulder[-]barges."

Turn off Cont'd.

"Malicious." Intentional? Maleficent isn't malicious, Trump is.

Uh oh. Enter Aurora.

"get in here[,] puff ball."

"What the Cy Bugs?!" What the Cy Bugs?! WTF? Had to Google this.

You need some commas.

Is COUGH COUGH a mini slug? Period?

Cigarette? Disney will most certainly never go along with this. Hell, they wouldn't even let Walt smoke in Saving Mr. Banks (played by Mr. Hanks).

Been at the sauce?

"Mission -- Impossible?" Bum... bum, bum, BUM! Bum... BUM, bum, bum!

"Mission creep?" Calhoun was involved in Watergate?

I ain't "mission you" at all. (Mission you) Since you've been gone.

"Give a corpse a boner, make it come back to life
and take you over a kitchen stool." Oooooo...kaaaaayyy...

"rococo chaise longue" Rocko's Modern what? Had to google this.

"no ya" which one?

Quoted Text Calhoun considers it all. It dawns on her this is hopeless.

I agree. I'm struggling to continue. I barely understand what the hell's going on.

"Yeah. I mean, if someone's going to
get a hard-on over me, they'll be
into some twisted shit."

Tell that to Angie. Maybe that's why she and Brad divorced?

I thought Aurora would have better grammar than

"Time to spill the beans
before you's a get a bad kickin."

What does that even mean?

"You are by far the scariest bitch
I've ever come across."

I know scarier.

In the highly unlikely event Disney greenlights this, Betty White needs to play the Fairy Godmother!

"...that’s not a slam dunk." Neither is this script.

"not (B)ambi?"

Finished. What. The. F--BOOM! Nah. Wasn't for me, and I love the characters I've heard of, which is 99 percent of them.

Writer,

Sorry, this didn't work for me. There was lots and lots of dialogue, but no jokes really landed a knockout punch. And I think the premise was a bad choice as well - Disney characters working out at the gym? Hmm. Apologize but I don't have much more to offer than that. Wasn't for me.

Steve

I'm the oddball.  I laughed because it was so crazy.  I can enjoy stuff like Cabin Boy.  

However, it made no sense.  It's a skit.  Like a SNL skit.  I doubt you'd get the okay to do it, unless you were going for parody, then you are good to go.  As we know from the Wierd Al battles, all is legal in the realm of comedy and parody.  

I didn't know who Aurora was.  I just watched Wreck-it Ralph.  If anyone has not seen that movie, you should.  It's pretty solid.  And for an 80's guy, it really hit the spot.  

Good luck with it.
Dan

Not for me.  I'm not a fanboy type, and fan lit doesn't excite.

I started off wanting to like it but my mind wandered with page after page of not real funny banter. I kept looking for the real reason they were there but by the time it was revealed, I didn't care anymore. I thought I recognized some personality change through the script but didn't want to go back and read it a second time to be sure.

Totally appreciate the effort doing comedy. I was in the same boat with relatively the same result.

Provocative title – although works as an attention grabber for sure… let's see
Logline foreshadows massive copyright and realization problems

The script is stuffed to the very last line given – not a good sign in case of coherent story and concept.

I imagine this could be much more fun with only original fairytale characters.

Sorry, I cannot identify with this concept. I hope you got some praise, help, inspiration, or suggestions out of other reviews.

The second one in a row I've read that reads like a pisser. Again, sorry if it wasn't but the Disney angle and the dialogue just isn't working for me.

The clam tits comment threw me off in the wrong way and it went downhill from there fast. Maybe I'm getting prudish in my ancient age.

Some will love this and find it funny, I can see from the comments that some do so this is just personal taste and not a reflection of your writing ability, which seems quite good!

-Mark

And bringing up the rear is....

And Trust me, I don't like to bring up anybodies rear  

Thanks for the reads folks and Sean/Don for the OWC  

I'll come out swinging next time...that's a boxing reference , not the other swinging