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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2017 One Week Challenge  ›  Super Scoop - OWC - Optioned Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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grademan
Posted: February 1st, 2017, 9:48am Report to Moderator
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A tame interview but elevated a bit when Diana's true motive for the interview was revealed. Interviews are essentially two talking heads and are difficult to pull off. Perhaps if it was a ride along?
I had trouble separating their TV personas from their characters presented here. Neither came off as worthy characters. The Trump reference was intrusive. But such is the fickle nature of comedy.
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SAC
Posted: February 1st, 2017, 10:08am Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Yeah, comedy is a hard genre to pull off. You did okay, but this premise could have been a lot funnier. Thought you were on to something with Diana criticizing the other supers but you seemed to pull up just when you could have went further and really added some good laughs. Anyway, good effort but lacked the oomph it could have used to put it over the top.

Steve


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DanC
Posted: February 1st, 2017, 2:46pm Report to Moderator
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Comedy is tough.  I found parts of it funny, but, overall, it was boring because very little happened.  

Like the others, I can't imagine Wonder Woman talking like that.  

It doesn't really work for me.

Sorry.

Dan

ps,  it does remind me of another bad joke that I don't tell often.  Yep, I have tons of them, just locked away for such an occasion.

Superman is flying around the city making sure no crime is happening.

He happens to spot Wonder Woman sunbathing, nude.  God, she's hot.  Perfect everything.  It gives Superman a hard on.  He realizes that with his super speed that he could have sex with her and she'd never know it.  So, he swoops down and does the deed and flies off before she notices anything.  

However, she felt the breeze as he flew away.  She randomly asks
"What just happened."

The Invisible Man, who was kissing her at the time says "I don't know, but, man, my ass is sore.

Yep, I'll show myself out again.

Dan


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I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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RichardR
Posted: February 1st, 2017, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
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Comedy can be cruel.  The dialogue was a bit much.  Had you staged this in a place where the other heroes would make an entrance, well, that might help.  But then, that's a production issue.  
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EWall433
Posted: February 1st, 2017, 3:40pm Report to Moderator
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There were some funny parts to this, but not much in the way of story. Not bad, but very little impact. It's hard to think of story notes for this, honestly. It's too much of an extended bit. Doesn't really have much motivation built into the plot or characters. And what the characters are trying to do (conduct an interview) doesn't really come with any challenges or hiccups or rewards that might make it interesting.

So a couple laughs, but unfortunately not much more.
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khamanna
Posted: February 1st, 2017, 5:33pm Report to Moderator
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Hey,

I'm not against this, but it was hard to get through due to the lack of action.

We learn everything through dialog, all of it. There should be something shown, I think.

Also, there's very little conflict through the first five or six pages. and it's important to establish the conflict early on to pull us in. I think I would have helped more if I knew how exactly you could infuse it with action, but I don't have any ideas here.
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ChrisBodily
Posted: February 2nd, 2017, 12:31am Report to Moderator
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Not too bad. Thanks for the laugh. Basically, it's Lois and Wonder Woman riffing on My Dinner with Andre. Not nearly as much action as BvS probably has. Hell, even the Adam West Batman series had more action.

So many funny zingers, quips, and such. I actually thought "Steve" was Steve Rogers. But duh, Captain America is Marvel.

The FADE OUT:, though, should have been right aligned. And there were a few minor typos.

Unlike Disneypalooza, there's a chance Warner/DC could potentially go along with this.

Good job.


FADE IN:
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: February 2nd, 2017, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
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Welcome to the poisoned chalice that is a OWC comedy....

You took two well known female characters, well done for that, and threw them together. That is a totally sound basis for a comedy sketch

However, I think the fair criticism is that it is static, it's purely a dialogue, and perhaps you could have had them face a challenge against which the comedy would have flowed.

But hell, you were dealt the hardest hand of all.

Good concept, needs a different delivery


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 3rd, 2017, 8:06am Report to Moderator
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I thought this was going to be a pisser, but it turns out to be a decent attempt at a bit of fan fiction.

It was a pretty interesting premise and you gave it a good go but I think this need more than just dialogue. I was intrigued for the first 3 pages., then started skimming and drifting off.

Add some action and you may be onto something quite interesting here.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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CameronD
Posted: February 3rd, 2017, 3:13pm Report to Moderator
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Only got 4 pages in.

The characters are Louis Lane and Wonder Woman in name only. Comedies are hard but this seems to be a weak effort. It just wasn't funny. Some may like it, but not me though I could see this as a skit on a really bad night of SNL. Sorry.


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stevie
Posted: February 5th, 2017, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
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Yo John well done on this, mate. A lot of perps didnt' find it that funny but I did! And I'm pretty fussy with my comedy (and protective I guess lol) so you did well here.



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JEStaats
Posted: February 5th, 2017, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Stevie! Albeit not the funniest short in the world, I'm kinda proud of it for what it is: A satirical parody! I'm glad you 'got it'. I probably laughed hardest when reviewers only got to page three or four. Obviously not DC fans.

BTW, Echo's one of my all-time favorites. Those were the days.

Cheers!
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JEStaats
Posted: August 6th, 2019, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
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I just optioned this with Road's End Films out of Portland, OR. They're very keen to get going on this for the festival circuit. Woohoo!

Time to update my 'Goals for 2019'!
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Warren
Posted: August 6th, 2019, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats on the option!

So there is no copyright issues about entering festivals and potentially winning cash prizes? Always wondered how this works.


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JEStaats
Posted: August 6th, 2019, 9:54pm Report to Moderator
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Parodies are generally considered fair use and not copyright infringement but nothing is absolute. If so, SNL would be pretty f-ing boring.
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