Super Scoop by John Staats (JEStaats) writing as My Name Here - Short, Comedy - Lois Lane's interview of Wonder Woman reveals the true Princess inside. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I'm a Superman fan, so when I read the logline to this I was drawn into it right away.  I figured he'd get mentioned in here at some point

I was a little thrown off from Wonder Woman using the F bomb a few times.  I feel like she would be more classy in her insults.  I also think they should be doing more than just sitting down.  It's kind of dull to just be sitting there at the table talking for the whole script.  But, I did chuckle a couple of times.  Perhaps they do the interview walking down the street?  I don't know.  

That's really all I've got for you.  It was okay, I think I just wanted more in terms of the two characters doing something a little more interesting.

Nolan

Kudos for having to tackle a comedy. Format - structure wise etc everything is fairly solid here - I just didn't laugh. The theme was a little too one beat (i.e.,  bring up male superhero and then her bash male superhero). Since I knew what was coming - the element of a comedic surprise was lost.

Lots of typos throughout, definitely distracted from what was otherwise a well written script.

I actually thought this was kind of funny. Not laugh out loud funny, but I certainly chuckled here and there.

The ending could have used more of a punch.

Not bad at all. I'm curious to see who wrote this one.

~Zack~

Oh boy...I was seriously hoping things would pick up, but after a few pages of nothing but dialogue, I started skimming...and saw nothing changed.

Lots of typos and mistakes throughout.

Not funny at all.  Using characters who are already established almost feels like a pisser.

No action.  No story.  No nothing.  Doesn't work at all for me, and fels like very little effort went into this.

OMG you have me laughing in the first paragraph with those descriptions for ex. 'smoking hot sweater'

I wanted to like this but after three pages of dialogue, I found myself skimming. It's so hard to really retain the reader when you have that much dialogue and with this being an interview... you have to really nail the dialogue. It's hard. And writing comedy is super hard. You did get a chuckle from me here and there.

Structurewise it's ok...no big twists or surprises. Writing is ok...typos here and there but that's to be expected in a one week rush job.

Good on you for completing a script this OWC which was more than I accomplished.

I'm not so sure how I feel about this one. On one hand, it's cool getting these two together, on the other hand, I have to essentially forget everything I know about these characters in order to really enjoy what you're trying to do here.

This is soooo not like these two. Neither Lois or Diana would ever be so petty.  Diana would never ever resort to such cruel mean girl behavior. Lois is so secure in herself and Clarks feelings for her that she would never be baited into a jealous fit.

I wish this had taken a different turn. Maybe have them not talk about all the eligible superdudes and focus on something a little more meaningful...like the misogynistic undertones of the other figures in their world. With the exception of Bruce.

Kind of a one trick pony... interview between Lois and Wonder Woman  that's it.

Not really my thing as far as story goes. If she was on an Island inhabited only by woman then how was Steven Turner there? or did I pick that up wrong?

It was well written just not interesting to me sorry

Well, I chuckled at Diana saying Bruce is a dick.

Your dialogue is fine. I believed this was two gals interacting with one another. And I believed they were two very different characters with unique voices.

Not laugh of loud, but you came up with something creative in a difficult genre.
Good job.

P.S. Good title befitting the story too.

I liked the concept.

The story, not so much. It was a bit of a one trick pony and it got old pretty fast, sorry to say.

What question?  What is that logline talking about?  Is this gonna be about both of them having a relationship with Superman?  I’m not well versed in comics to know if Wonder Woman and Kal-el ever shacked up.

That being said, I’m glad to read a comedy.  I wish I pulled that genre.

This is the 3rd script I’ve read that didn’t CAP the characters on first intro.  I mean, obviously it doesn’t change the read in any way, but I just assume that’s screenwriting 101 and should just be natural at this point.

“thanks.”  Typo in first 3 lines is never encouraging.

Cashier doesn’t even need to speak.  “Hi, welcome to Starbucks” is a line of dialogue that doesn’t need to be in this script.

Where’s the comedy?  Wonder Woman just speaking like an asshole is funny?  Also, she’s not very womanly.

Page 6 and we’re getting to the uncomfortable Superman stuff I was waiting for.

Eh, this could be a nice little skit If tightened up.  There were a few inside baseball funny lines sprinkled in, but I wouldn’t say I liked your take on Wonder Woman.  
Thought this was gonna evolve into more of a cat fight over Superman, but I like the last line twist.  Diana just breaking balls.

Decent.  I think this was a good way for a guy who is clearly a fan of comics to come up with an all female script, I just don’t think Wonder Woman felt very feminine.

I really liked this one!  Prolly my fave so far. You got a tough - for some - genre: comedy, and you really put some good effort into it!. I laughed out loud quite a few times and I'm pretty fussy with my comedy lol.

The only thing I would change is to insert some more action lines. Have them walking around or something. Although it is a talking heads script, there are ways to lessen the effect.

Oh but then you would have to not show any males, right? So the cafe was a good choice.

Good stuff!

Yep, comedy can be tough, especially as it's such a subjective genre.

I'm afraid you didn't sink my comedy boat with this one. It started alright, and then just ended up as a long conversation, which ain't that great spread out over several pages. Superheroes, just due to the nature of their hobby, are an exceptionally physical bunch and so whilst I appreciate the juxtaposition in the coffee house, I can't help but feel you missed a trick by avoiding some physical comedy.

Anyway, not terrible but not great,

Cam

Solid title
Not my type of logline so actually "No"

Of course it was clear this is going to be a satire.

I even think this could work, but only as a two or three minute take. A viral clip with some jokes and goodbye.

It's really a mass of dialogue here. Two people talking about an absent third one does not work very well in general. So, I don't think it could hold our interest so long, having them talk about Superman and all those others…

As said, a quick take could work. Solid effort.

There's only one Wonder Woman in my book, Linda Carter, and she'd never talk like this

Joking aside, I kinda liked this, made me smile.

Decent effort.

A tame interview but elevated a bit when Diana's true motive for the interview was revealed. Interviews are essentially two talking heads and are difficult to pull off. Perhaps if it was a ride along?
I had trouble separating their TV personas from their characters presented here. Neither came off as worthy characters. The Trump reference was intrusive. But such is the fickle nature of comedy.

Writer,

Yeah, comedy is a hard genre to pull off. You did okay, but this premise could have been a lot funnier. Thought you were on to something with Diana criticizing the other supers but you seemed to pull up just when you could have went further and really added some good laughs. Anyway, good effort but lacked the oomph it could have used to put it over the top.

Steve

Comedy is tough.  I found parts of it funny, but, overall, it was boring because very little happened.  

Like the others, I can't imagine Wonder Woman talking like that.  

It doesn't really work for me.

Sorry.

Dan

ps,  it does remind me of another bad joke that I don't tell often.  Yep, I have tons of them, just locked away for such an occasion.

Superman is flying around the city making sure no crime is happening.

He happens to spot Wonder Woman sunbathing, nude.  God, she's hot.  Perfect everything.  It gives Superman a hard on.  He realizes that with his super speed that he could have sex with her and she'd never know it.  So, he swoops down and does the deed and flies off before she notices anything.  

However, she felt the breeze as he flew away.  She randomly asks
"What just happened."

The Invisible Man, who was kissing her at the time says "I don't know, but, man, my ass is sore.

Yep, I'll show myself out again.

Dan

Comedy can be cruel.  The dialogue was a bit much.  Had you staged this in a place where the other heroes would make an entrance, well, that might help.  But then, that's a production issue.  

There were some funny parts to this, but not much in the way of story. Not bad, but very little impact. It's hard to think of story notes for this, honestly. It's too much of an extended bit. Doesn't really have much motivation built into the plot or characters. And what the characters are trying to do (conduct an interview) doesn't really come with any challenges or hiccups or rewards that might make it interesting.

So a couple laughs, but unfortunately not much more.

Hey,

I'm not against this, but it was hard to get through due to the lack of action.

We learn everything through dialog, all of it. There should be something shown, I think.

Also, there's very little conflict through the first five or six pages. and it's important to establish the conflict early on to pull us in. I think I would have helped more if I knew how exactly you could infuse it with action, but I don't have any ideas here.

Not too bad. Thanks for the laugh. Basically, it's Lois and Wonder Woman riffing on My Dinner with Andre. Not nearly as much action as BvS probably has. Hell, even the Adam West Batman series had more action.

So many funny zingers, quips, and such. I actually thought "Steve" was Steve Rogers. But duh, Captain America is Marvel.

The FADE OUT:, though, should have been right aligned. And there were a few minor typos.

Unlike Disneypalooza, there's a chance Warner/DC could potentially go along with this.

Good job.

Welcome to the poisoned chalice that is a OWC comedy....

You took two well known female characters, well done for that, and threw them together. That is a totally sound basis for a comedy sketch

However, I think the fair criticism is that it is static, it's purely a dialogue, and perhaps you could have had them face a challenge against which the comedy would have flowed.

But hell, you were dealt the hardest hand of all.

Good concept, needs a different delivery

I thought this was going to be a pisser, but it turns out to be a decent attempt at a bit of fan fiction.

It was a pretty interesting premise and you gave it a good go but I think this need more than just dialogue. I was intrigued for the first 3 pages., then started skimming and drifting off.

Add some action and you may be onto something quite interesting here.

-Mark

Only got 4 pages in.

The characters are Louis Lane and Wonder Woman in name only. Comedies are hard but this seems to be a weak effort. It just wasn't funny. Some may like it, but not me though I could see this as a skit on a really bad night of SNL. Sorry.

Yo John well done on this, mate. A lot of perps didnt' find it that funny but I did! And I'm pretty fussy with my comedy (and protective I guess lol) so you did well here.

Thanks Stevie! Albeit not the funniest short in the world, I'm kinda proud of it for what it is: A satirical parody! I'm glad you 'got it'. I probably laughed hardest when reviewers only got to page three or four. Obviously not DC fans.

BTW, Echo's one of my all-time favorites. Those were the days.

Cheers!

I just optioned this with Road's End Films out of Portland, OR. They're very keen to get going on this for the festival circuit. Woohoo!

Time to update my 'Goals for 2019'!

Congrats on the option!

So there is no copyright issues about entering festivals and potentially winning cash prizes? Always wondered how this works.

Parodies are generally considered fair use and not copyright infringement but nothing is absolute. If so, SNL would be pretty f-ing boring.

Quoted from JEStaats Parodies are generally considered fair use and not copyright infringement but nothing is absolute. If so, SNL would be pretty f-ing boring.

There are issues of copyright and trademark at play. If your parody has all its own made-up names and costumes then you're fine. They can be recognizably close, just not confusingly close.

Think The Tick's Superian as a parody of Superman. He even debates out loud if he should try some of the exact stunts Superman did in the original series of movies (reversing the Earth's spin, throwing all the nukes into the Sun, etc.).

You can probably get away with ripping off a whole character if it's a short gag unrelated to how the film is marketed, but a long interview with Wonder Woman would be on really shaky ground.

Quoted from JEStaats Parodies are generally considered fair use and not copyright infringement but nothing is absolute. If so, SNL would be pretty f-ing boring.

I guess only the owners of the original work can decide when something has gone too far. I don’t imagine it would be the case with this, but I wouldn’t know.

Look forward to seeing how it turns out.

Per John,

"Super Scoop (OWC) was optioned by Roads End Films out of Portland, OR"

Congrats!!

Triple congrats for the 3 options

Congrats, mate - good job.