Thought this was going to be a pisser or a parody, but it seems like someone's political fantasy. I'm as frustrated as the next guy as to how mad the world has gone recently but if you are going to write about it, be subtle with your message, otherwise you'll lose your audience.

Competently written but neither funny (for me of course) or creative. I didn't understand the ending with the phone ringing but got the rest of it.

-Mark

My third read and my second Trump.

2 - Not sure the quality of the clothes serves any purpose other than announcing political opinion?

Hmm. Not sure the script serves any purpose other than announcing political opinion. Nothing wrong with a little harmless fantasy, but it needs to come from an unexpected angle, I think. This is people's actual fantasy -- one big break, impeachment and jail for all -- so it's not particularly interesting in script form.

The core of the script, as I take it, is that three people of different political leanings making a decision to work together. I think it should kick off quick and get right to the three of them arguing about what to do. The characters will be funnier if they're allowed to conflict with each other more.

Sorry writer, but, like the others, this didn't work for me.  

I'm not gonna pile on because the reasons are the same.

I'm anti-Trump and I found this to be in bad taste...

It didn't do anything, we didn't see the apocalypse, and for an apocalypse, the phones work, TV works, there are jobs, Mcdonalds, people live in houses, so, what happened?  

Good job entering, but, this needs a serious fix-up.

Dan

I actually enjoyed this. I liked the overall idea too.
Surprised you didnt call it a political satire or a comedy.

What I didnt like is their digging - thay just happen to find it. It was not their aim or anything. I think you should rethink that part. Better show them being upset with the government and searching for ways to bring it down I think. Just an opinion. Good luck to you with it

Hi Writer,

I see you had fun with this, wishful thinking and all. A lot, quite a lot of political figures within this story that completely took me out of the read, simply because it depends solely on a preconceived notion of who these people are. I mean, outside of the main caricatures, I have not a clue if this is meant to be a biased (slapstick) from someone on the far left, far right… or somewhere in between. But, I can appreciate the effort that went into it with just a week to write something, so, kudos to that. Writing is good IMO

So, there you have it, one man’s political theater is another man’s comedy zone. All the best.

"He has seven of them
hanging up on one wall." Why not 14? Haha, this all is so deliberately pathetic. Nice.

I don't get all the political insider jokes since I don't live in your country but I must say you got a definite feel how to handle such kind of political satire. Characters are fun too.

Oh Nooo, the third act you did completely to the contrary, the wrong way imo. Arresting all the Trump kin is too one-sided. In satire, you shouldn't directly show what you think is a right message. It must be more ambiguous, should work with subtext, and anyway, on a political-satire-level, you by no means should stamp down and destroy your opponent -- rather let them have a little mercy/grace with a wink, that shows the dignity of your personal ethics and represents your knowing, truthfully reflection. Because, otherwise, you actually would just mirror the injustice of your target in your own behavior. You need an ending with more class so to say. (btw — that does not mean you cannot hit equally hard with a different approach)

Whatever, I liked it pretty much, just the last part felt stylistically off. Good work.

Writer,

Pretty well written, good premise but kinda ended with a whimper. No big twist, no surprise, just the facts, which wasn't all that entertaining, but you gave us a smooth read. And, you also provided a happy ending of sorts for our mains. Decent job for a quick week.

Steve

Turned off by the logline and title as I'm sick of political anything. Sorry.

What genre is this? Why does Hoss try to kill himself? What is the click? What kind of food are they digging for? And why are they digging if there is still a McDonalds?

What does the trip to McDonalds have to do with anything?

What in the world happened at the end?

Not for me sorry writer.

I know this wasn't the intention, but Hoss’ questions on page 8 are actually fairly compelling and would seriously cause me to doubt the legitimacy of the tape.

Find it hard to believe all those newspaper publications would survive post apocalypse. They're barely hanging on right now.

A fun bit of wish fulfillment here. It sort of rushes through its plot beats, but I understand this had to fit in 12 pages. It felt like some jokes were left on the table, though. For example, I thought the Bearded Homeless Man would turn out to be Joe Biden.

So topical, but a little off the mark story-wise.

Make America Great Again - Apocalypse, Drama, Political, Thriller - In post-apocalyptic Oklahoma, one year into Donald Trump's presidency, three people with opposing political views discover a tape proving that the President colluded with Russia. 

Rating: 1
Thoughts: There are so many ways to exploit Trump and this feels like the most generic.  There's no imagination put into the concept.  Some people think that the name "Trump" automatically makes something interesting and they don't have to try with the rest of the idea. 
 


TITLE: Make America Great Again

STORY

Concept is fresh/and or original - 3

Theme is well executed/interweaved - 3

Stakes are clear/conflict is strong and or compelling - 2

Story - 2

Ending - 3

CHARACTER/DIALOGUE

Protagonist(s) is (are) likable and/or compelling - 4

Dialogue reads naturally/believable within this story - 3

Dialogue reveals character -  2

READABILITY

Action text "shows" instead of "tells" - 4

Overall readability - 4

Total: 3.0

Hey, you've got a good rating, congrats!
And yes, like I said I liked it. (maybe it's because I'm not really Russian. But don't tell anyone)

I'd turn it into a comedy - the theme is an absurd a little. It's contained, you have a shot at having it made I think.