All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Hmm. Didn't exactly go the way I thought it would. This was written pretty well, you had some decent tension going on. But it went on too long, and the payoff wasn't worth the set up. It felt incomplete. I guess everything turned out okay, but what of Dr. Berkus? Perhaps some background - yes - in his failed relationship would have made Betkus more relatable as a character. As it stands, I felt more compassion for the two agents who came to visit him. Not bad though. I'd say work on this some more. It's got potential
As I'm reading I wanted to say that the scene with the FBI breaking into Berkus's house should be revamped. Seems like you are going for a light-hearted suicide scene here, and maybe a little humor would help ease the tension. For example, maybe make more of a play on the fact that FBI agents are pointing a gun at someone who is pointing a gun at them self already. The scene seems like it's going to be good, but between poor direction and dialogue it loses steam.
I got to "For God's sake man!", and I can officially say dialogue is bordering on generic. Not a bad story, just seems like one giant cliche.
Please give the man a better death than "his eyes go into a death stare ."
Love your title and love the irony in your logline.
I would've liked to see the guy try to commit suicide sooner.
I am left with a lot of unanswered questions here. Who is the real protag? The virus thing seemed tacked on. There should've been more behind the scientist. In your logline it reads like he's the protag yet even though he does give them the code to the safe, he's just there about to kill himself. And why did they need the scientist if the safe was right in the floor in the lab? And if they go in to unlock the safe for the antidote won't they succumb to the virus before they can 'save the world'?
I dunno.. I love a lot about this story but feel like it needs more.
The Antidote - Apocalypse, Drama - When a deadly virus threatens to wipe out the human race, the only hope to stop it rests in the hands of a suicidal scientist.
Rating: 2 Thoughts: Okay. This is definitely more interesting than had it just been a normal scientist. Points for that!
TITLE: Antidote
STORY
Concept is fresh/and or original - 5
Theme is well executed/interweaved - 4
Stakes are clear/conflict is strong and or compelling - 4
Story - 2
Ending - 1
CHARACTER/DIALOGUE
Protagonist(s) is (are) likable and/or compelling - 3
Dialogue reads naturally/believable within this story - 1
That's a nice short by me, Gary. You could change it some. Actually you better. But look - it's very contained and has nice story and some nice action sequence that kept me on my toes. All in one room mainly! ANd there's one other room with vials and stuff - not a big deal. Very impressive I think.