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This was a little mixed for me - some confusing lines and mistakes (which are forgivable in a OWC first draft), but I also found the storytelling to be quite captivating.
I really liked the slow burn nature of it, and the way the intensity ratcheted up towards the end. I’d like more answers than are provided - don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want everything explained and wrapped up in a nice neat bow, but as it is there are quite a number of unanswered questions the reader is left with.
Overall an enjoyable but flawed effort that definitely has the potential to be something really good.
Interesting script. I get it you can write well, and even though this kind of dragged a little, it was never boring - it had me anticipating how it would end. Very good. Not crazy on the naming of Mister - felt strange, but I guess I understand. I think we're in for the Second Coming here? When there was a Hymn playing in the distance that's what I supposed. Anyway, ended on a confusing note - not really sure who Walker was, and why he'd come back with an axe vs. a rifle. But, I was willing to go along with your story, which is definitely one of the better ones I've read.
Top of P4: lots of mystery, especially the two characters' relationship – not bad though just--
-- things need to accelerate soon… and also connect
P6 good tension, this story feels coherent
You keep me guessing and focus on characters well.
One thing that I didn't get till this point, and it stuck with me throughout: The way you introduced how Lilah met Mister. Felt like "Hi, so you're there too. Come into my place". Very off-beat and arbitrary.
The music angle didn't work with me. It wasn't developed clear and understandable.
don't get the ending- seems in this post-apocalyptic world, the living people are in a kind of post-religious mood as well, developing some new rites that they can/want to believe in.
Then there were parts (music, light) that truly suggest that a spiritual power does influence this world.
So, lots of open threads for me, like, I'm not sure if Walker is a Zombie or kind of undead, you haven't described that. Who were the corpses behind the cabin, dangerous Walker-like characters?? And so on…
I feel that a lot of my interpretations here are incorrect what same time couldn't be my fault only, so work on more clearness.
All of what I've mentioned, does reflect my impression of the script: Amazing set-ups overall, good rhythm too – but then the payoffs and final conclusions is where it lacks.
Entertaining piece, just an unsatisfying ending/third act for me.
In general, the story feels like something that could make a cool short movie if balanced precisely once. Good script.
this read so cool, but I didn't understand what's going on. Could you please explain? I'm curious because overall it was a very atmospheric and fun to read short. I was in it, didn't get what's going on, but still you kept me glued to the screen. Please give some explanations behind it.