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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2017 OWC  ›  April '17 OWC Who Wrote What and Writer's Choice Moderators: Grandma Bear
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  Author    April '17 OWC Who Wrote What and Writer's Choice  (currently 3860 views)
khamanna
Posted: May 6th, 2017, 5:18pm Report to Moderator
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Oh wow that's a lot of calculations Pia and Don did - seems like a lot of work. Thanks for that and for a great OWC!

Congrats to the mug getters! Use it wisely.

And congrats to all who entered!
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irish eyes
Posted: May 6th, 2017, 5:18pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats to all the winners and everyone that entered.


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EWall433
Posted: May 6th, 2017, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats to Steve and Vin and Taylor, and everyone else who entered! Fun challenge as always.

Also thanks to Pia, Don, Carson and whoever is behind door number one for all the effort put in.
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Pale Yellow
Posted: May 6th, 2017, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats boys on win and sale ...great job. Was one of the best owcs so far.
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ChrisBodily
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 12:32am Report to Moderator
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Wow, the two writers I guessed ended up being wrong.

I had Dan for Honeycomb Apocalypse (Since he kept discussing his love of B movies, and this was the only B movie concept I came across).

And I had Chris S. (Heretic) for The Gospel (Since he has an Alanis avatar and the script contains a questionable use of the word "ironic." Overthinking it? )

The others I would never have been able to guess.

Big congrats to the Conz. Loved that one. Congratulations to Taylor on the sale. Another favorite.

I read some of Carson's notes on several scripts, and... I'm convinced he and Jeff are the same person. "Does a prank exist in the physical realm? How can you tackle it?" Um, it's a figure of speech?

I'm surprised at the mixed-to-negative reception of my script. I knew going political would be risky, but a lot of people didn't "get" what I was going for. Even Carson didn't get it. It kind of stings (pun intended) that he rated Honeycomb Apocalypse higher ( A script I loved, by the way). Mine was a very serious effort, a cautionary tale of what kind of apocalypses Trump might be capable of as "President*." I was going for Hunger Games/Mad Max/All the President's Men.

I got a 1 from Carson but got a decent 3 from Aaron Sorkin, or at least I'll assume it was Aaron Sorkin. It's comforting that Khammana, a Russian, liked a script about Trump conspiring with Putin. Thank you for that. I was more scared of you than I was these pros.

I had a nuclear blast with this OWC. Everyone's imaginations were on fire, even the ones I didn't care for.


FADE IN:
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Michael
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 12:41am Report to Moderator
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Hi to all, it's great to be here.

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I now own the bottom. See if you guys can beat that. I dropped the ball more than once on this one. Live and learn. Congrat's to everyone. I will CRUSH the next challenge.
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DanC
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 2:53am Report to Moderator
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Well, at least I fooled Chris!!  So, my work is done here.  

It's not like anyone liked my story...

Actually, that's not true.  I had fun writing it and I think it can be a good story.

I admit that the execution was bad.  

But, I learned a lot, and that's what the exercise is supposed to do.  

I have never written anything with under 24-page limit events.  I can craft a deep story in 24 or more, but, to do it in less than say 12 is really new and hard for me.

But, this one (IMO) was my best attempt so far.  And a few reviews were actually positive this time.  I need to further break my ties to my prose past and just focus on the screenplay aspect of writing.  I didn't have to spend 3 pages showing 3 separate instances of him being a coward.  One would have been enough.

IMO, one of the biggest changes from prose to screenwriting is the lack of constantly doing the same things to make sure the audience sees it.  In other words, if you have a thief in a prose story, even short, you need to constantly refer to that aspect of him.  In a screenplay, you write it once and that's it.  

I only had to show once that he was a coward.  

I also need to stop my love of old movies.  I kinda patterned that on "It's a wonderful life" where God is explained to Clarence why he's so important.  That won't work today.  

Same as the martian princess won't work in a remake of Ghidorah the 3-headed monster.

Yep, that came out of nowhere...

I also didn't have to cut pages of story.  Just 5 lines.  So, I think I'm getting better.

The reviews were harsh, but, that's the gatekeepers.  Writing isn't for the feint of heart.

Congrats to all who entered.  And a special thanks to my friends and everyone else who helped me.


Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Talldave
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 4:51am Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
And I had Chris S. (Heretic) for The Gospel (Since he has an Alanis avatar and the script contains a questionable use of the word "ironic." .


Jeez Louise I really dropped the ball on my execution. In all fairness, it's my second attempt at writing a script. Doesn't get me off the hook for the grammatical flaws, but it helps soften the blows.

As far as the irony goes, I meant for the line to read "Uncle Sam and the boys really put you through the cookie cutter," because Bishop was "the perfect military model". Then, he responds with "I don't follow," which would be ironic because the perfect military model would be able to "follow" orders to perfection.

As far as the rest of the story goes...if anyone is interested in understanding what the hell is going on in the Gospel I will post a very detailed explanation and answer all questions individually by tonight. If it even matters to anyone, Idk, but there is an actual story underneath all that crap! Thanks for reading and congrats to everybody!

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Talldave  -  May 7th, 2017, 7:12am
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PrussianMosby
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 6:10am Report to Moderator
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Congrats to Steve, and Vin who finally brought it home I see

obviously you served the total package in this hard challenge.

Very diverse OWC, rich in variety, with great guidance and organisation by Pia.




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PrussianMosby  -  May 8th, 2017, 5:57am
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 7:41am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ChrisBodily


I had Dan for Honeycomb Apocalypse (Since he kept discussing his love of B movies, and this was the only B movie concept I came across).

... It kind of stings (pun intended) that he (Carson) rated Honeycomb Apocalypse higher ( A script I loved, by the way)..


Equally stunned. Unlike the script written off and on for a week) that logline] was made up on the fly when I submitted the draft a few hours before deadline. I'm not sure why Carson liked my logline more than yours. I just try to get the essence of the script in a nutshell, short and sweet, right to the point, like most of my peers here.

Dan isn't the only one 'round here with a fondness with B films and cult movies. Heck, I was assuming folks already knew I wrote Honeycomb. My writing style usually  sticks out like a gardener's green thumb.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106

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DarrenJamesSeeley  -  May 8th, 2017, 12:54am
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Gary in Houston
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 8:03am Report to Moderator
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Congrats to Vin and Steve -- well deserved, both of you. And congrats to everyone for completing a script and entering.

I'm gobsmacked to find that my entry ("The Antidote") ended up in the Writer's Choice group, given the reviews. Carson gave my longline a 2, and the pro reader gave me some 4's and a 5, but also a bunch of 1's. So a bit of a puzzle, really. Confession: this really was a last minute entry. I started Friday after I got off work and got it done with about an hour to go. I probably should have used the entire week to outline and plot it out better, but the idea didn't hit me until Friday. Oh well.

I kept thinking I had Mark Moore's entry pegged - turns out I was way off!

Oh -- and big thanks to Don, as always for hosting this challenge, and to Pia, who did yeoman's work in keeping all the minions in line.  A great OWC indeed!

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned


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Gary in Houston  -  May 7th, 2017, 9:55am
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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That's Don and Pia for that.

Well done to the chosen scripts - some nice work and decent consents in there.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 10:53am Report to Moderator
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Congratulations to Conz on 5th Horseman. That was one of my favourites!

Congratulations as well to Taylor for selling Demons. This one I liked as well, the only thing which stopped me marking it as excellent was I wasn't that sold on the ending but it's a solid story which will go across awell on screen.

I was very happy with my scores. The reviews as well I as pleased with, quite a mixed reaction (as always).

Well done all on entering this excellent OWC and having the courage to face a barrage of brute honesty. I really enjoyed reading all of your hard work.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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irish eyes
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Gary
I kept thinking I had Mark Moore's entry pegged - turns out I was way off!




I guess you pegged me for a comedy!  Yeah I chose not to go down that road in fact I chose not to write anything until Friday night 8:00 lol.. work restraints and look how well that showed

In the Immortal words of Mr Bush


Quoted from JC Cleveland
Wow!  Sorry, but very little effort appears to have been put into this.  Easily the worst entry I've come across.  Score - 0.


Well at least he managed to read the whole thing

And if I got anything outta it, it was to make a grown happy... A little too happy


Quoted from Mark Renshaw
After reading close to 30 scripts, I did a little sex wee when I spotted this was 3 pages, so thanks for that!


You're welcome Mark !

Overall yeah it was bad and lacked effort big time and so I  really apologize to all the peeps that I beat with the pro writer... That's why you shouldn't take his results to heart.

So again sorry guys except for Steve Clark beating his ass with his girl and her pet toaster in the middle of America fighting a flame throwing German Nazi... that was just sweet


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SAC
Posted: May 7th, 2017, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Quoted from irish eyes


So again sorry guys except for Steve Clark beating his ass with his girl and her pet toaster in the middle of America fighting a flame throwing German Nazi... that was just sweet


Effort doesn't always equal results, sadly. However, I was happy to see your 2 hour Friday night, beer soaked writing session produced a 2.1, or something like that. You have much to be proud of.


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