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Why Forrestor threw money just to prevent her from being hanged only to send her to the dungeons really doesn't make sense... If you had a choice between death or slow agonizing torture forever, i'd go with death.
Not sure what the Golden ball is other than the place where a few witches slayed the town.
Pretty good writing here. I was towards the end, rolling my eyes at the way Evelyn escaped, then you threw that last little twist at me and it worked. Good job. I didn't feel this was overwritten. Actually had a good flow to it. Mrs. Hutchins appearance, I feel, needs to be rewrites slightly, whether it's her manner, her dress, or the way she goes about her business -- perhaps that character needs a little meat to it, a little foreshadowing. Good story AND good writing.
This one really got me going. Thought I heard Led Zeppelin backing the woman's voice in the dungeon." Gallows Poles". Great! Would have enjoyed a stronger finish for Evelyn. Too much OTN explaining at the end maybe. All an all a good effort.
I like the opening scene. The second one too. The last act wasn't 100% my taste. It felt expositional and a verbal resolution of things that are not directly motivated through the active plot I saw before. Otherwise, it's a good entry with a lot of suspense within the dungeon.
Notes: Some strange word choices at the beginning and over-writing as well. For example: In the center a cluster of angry citizens surround a young woman with her head and hands in stocks, the wood soaked with the juices and splattered with the chunks of rotten food. And: A halt is called as the local sheriff, ALDRED (47), saunters over to the stocks. With one elbow planted on the stock he leers over Evenlyn, teeth showing decay. And page 4: The flame of a torch carried in one of his hands gives off a shuddering light revealing a bowl in his other hand with unknown contents and coils of rope wrapped around his shoulder.
These just are worded weird to me. I’m sure when you have time on the re-write, you’ll be able to make it shine! There’s more, but need to get on to the story.
Okay done. Well, it’s not my cup of tea. It's just my opinion, I didn’t care much for the characters and was a bit confused at the end with the ghosts. But, congrats on completing an entry in the OWC!
Met Challenge?: Yes Horror: Some Overall: Pass
My Scripts: SHORTS Bed Bugs I Got The Shaft No Clowning Around Fool's Gold Five Days for Redemption