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Ah, just missed 4/20 by a few days. This is a good idea for a short: what happens when a hero hits the herb and there's no hot pockets left in the Hall of Justice fridge. It's well written and formatted, although I wasn't sure what the extended phone call was about at the beginning. Also, it might have helped the comedy to have two stoned heroes attempting to make the pizzas. Then they could have had some dialogue instead of Redeye just making the pizza alone and listening to his music.
Officer Shrimp got stoned in a hurry, or was he already baked when he arrived? Hard to tell. Funny little story, but could have used a little comedy pop at the very end. My first read, off to a pretty good start here.
Sorry, didn't get any of this. So he breaks into a pizza store to make pizzas? Cops arrive and instead of trying to lock him up they get high and join the party? Again, sorry if misread this but didn't make any sense to me.
I agree with Equinox. I didn't get it. It didn't make any sense to me. If he was high on drugs and got the munchies and the cops knew about his drug issues that might have led to some funny dialog, but, I didn't get it.
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I enjoyed it. Funny, concise, and well written. Plus a superhero that I can get behind.
Not sure why other people are saying they didn't get it. I got the impression that the police put up with the break in's because he's a super hero and fights on their side. So it's sort of like the good outweighs the bad and it's simply collateral damage. That was my take away anyways.
Furthermore, it met the requirements and I laughed. Solid entry.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
I like the idea here, i.e. a stoner with superpowers who breaks into a pizza shop just because he has the munchies. With great power comes no responsibility, apparently. I suppose the cops really can't do anything about that, lest they get neutralized.
That said, after the cops show up, things fall flat. They don't have any real response to Red-Eye's actions beyond looking dumbfounded. I feel like there would've been some kind of exchange. There's barely one as Red-Eye prepares. They're basically reduced to props for Red-Eye to bounce his last one-liners off.
Also, is there a reason Shrimp is laughing? Did he get high or what? Not clear at all.
Almost feels like something's missing from the scene entirely. As in, some line, passage or something which would've clarified things that was outright excised from the script. Even an entire scene. The script is four pages, after all.
Anyway, idea's not bad. Execution's decent to a point, but the ending sucks and basically kills the rest in how much it doesn't pay off or even make sense.
This lost my attention pretty quickly and I ended up skimming. For a four page script that's a problem.
I guess he flies at the end, up until then I was wondering where the superhero element was. In any event, this didn't work for me at all and I didn't find it funny. Sorry.