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Oh God – starting at the Trump building?!? Wow, that doesn’t bode well!
A little bit too much in the way of We Sees… IMHO. Okay – as a Bronx person, I’m already wondering if the writer’s a native New Yorker. The Blue Note - nice touch!
P 3: Okay, I already know where this is going… but it’s worth the continued fare for the rest of the ride….
The end – okay – that wasn’t what I was expecting (obviously, that the Driver is a time traveling version of the executive, looking to get him to amend his ways before it’s too late. I still think that’d be a good way to go, as long as it stays subtle.)
That said, what exactly does the ending mean? Is it just a narrative feint? Or something else.
Plot issues aside, I do think this one needs a bit of stylistic polish. But it’s definitely got potential, depending what avenues (pun intended) it takes.
I disliked how his inner voice says that. It sounds not authentic. People think more abstract.
A lot of other stuff is good though.
Okay, okay. The idea of having an escalating situation resolving in an unexpected, peaceful way is quite interesting. Good choice. But more drama, more discomforting, more taking it to the top. It's too tender for a 9 p length. Cut and Dramatize.