There's definitely the seed of a great premise here, but I'm not sure enough was done to really toy with it. Maybe there's just too many ideas for the page length. I didn't see that his phobia really played a part in the events and I thought more could be done to milk tension from that light. It's not bad as it is now, but that's too good of a device to not play with it more than you have here. Maybe something like he has to find a way to get the car moving again to make the doors lock. Maybe the zombies horde on an incline and where they're standing determines whether the car moves or not. Something to tease it out more.

Looking back at the ending I'm a little confused. There's two CLICKS. I assume the first one is the door unlocking, but what's the second one?

I hadn't heard of cliethrophobia. I looked it up. Fear of being trapped in an enclosed space. Perfect word for this challenge. In fact, I like your word choices in general, such as:
She reaches for Peter, claw-like hands scrabble for
purchase.
and the dialogue about the leaving do.

The zombie element isn't overplayed. It's just enough  to put Gareth in a situation that might, if he survives, cure him of his phobia.

Thumbs up.
Henry

Pretty well written, but I can't say I love the writing style...and in fact, I dislike this oh so sparse, put everything on its own line style.

Obviously a Brit.  Obviously a solid writer who knows what he's doing.

There are a few visuals that fall outside your single Slug setting, but overall, this is pretty well done and intense.  I think you could make this alot better with a few more visuals, once it's clear what's going on outside, but then you lose your low budget...kind of.

Good effort here and a unique take on the challenge, which works effectively.

Grade - B+

Some notes

I'm not a big fan of Zombie tales, and the immediate transformation always bothers me.  Nothing works that fast.  But that's me.  A very fair effort.

Best
Richard

The writing is wicked sharp. I was feeling the ride, and the cinematic lore of traveling over a dimly lit cobble road... twisting and turning about through Old London Town.

The reference to some ominous red light, indicating locked doors, threw me out of the mix though... sounds like a Black Cab thing I'm not familiar with. As well... zombies?

Decent effort and good use of theme.

This was good, simple but good.  Zombies.  Who doesn't love them??

The transformation happens too quickly.  

You'd be better off having a radio saying something or another about civil disobedience or something...

He was trapped, then he used it as a refuge, until...

This was good, one of the best so far.  It can be better, perhaps much better.  You can really up the suspense here as they learn these aren't partying teens.  Perhaps they could watch one get hit or something.  There are tons of different things you can do to up the suspense...

8/10

Dan

One of my favorites so far. But what's a 'leaving do'? I'd love to see this with more time and development. Great job!

Quoted from JEStaats One of my favorites so far. But what's a 'leaving do'? I'd love to see this with more time and development. Great job!

A "Do" of any kind is a party in Britain - so a "leaving do" is a farewell party (eg for someone's retirement or leaving for another job or country). The wonders of colloquial English!

Quoted from Gum The reference to some ominous red light, indicating locked doors, threw me out of the mix though... sounds like a Black Cab thing I'm not familiar with..

This is referenced in another UK script as well. I should say that while Black Cabs are fairly common in Britain, I've never been in one so wouldn't have necessarily understood the reference either.

Britain has two kind of taxis by and large - Private Hire Cars - "mini cabs" and Black Cabs. The difference is you have to prebook a Private Hire Car (by phone) whereas you can hail a Black Cab in the street. It's actually illegal for PHC's to pick someone up in the street in the same way. They tend to be just ordinary cars with a PHC registration plate on them. Somewhat confusedly, both can be called taxis.

Nice work. Well written. You clearly know what you're doing.
Love the irony of needing to be trapped in the cab.

Well done.

Hmm, a straight genre piece. The visuals outside felt strange presented and vague; as if we shouldn't see exactly what's going on to get it into budget. Just wasn't my thing…

no clue what "the leaving do" means.  I pretty much don't know what the hell these dudes are talking about, but it's reading quickly, so I'm cool with it.

I like the fact the door locks when the car is in motion, but it already seems like an unnecessary tech for the sake of the story.  Reading on...

nothing i dislike more than a page with no dialogue... the sentences are short and appreciated, but that's still a pet peeve of mine.

That all said, this was a cool little spin on a totally oversaturated genre.  i think this may end up a recommend for me, but no promises, I still have a lot to read.  Either way, this is an idea that actually interested me, so nice job.

Sting wrote this !!! Cool

Nice use of Zombies, overall a good read and solid writing.

Great job on entering

I like this, one of my favourites for sure. It's kind of like the beginning of the Dawn of the Dead (the re-make) when the zombie apocalypse first kicks in. Zombies have been done to death (and you will struggle to get any production company to even read a zombie or vampire script these days) but I think there's a niche here for an indie zombie film about a few survivors travelling through the apocalypse via a taxi cab.

It would be tough to do as written in a low-budget but with a few changes it could work.

You rush the transformation and the ending because of the page restriction and it does suffer a little because of this. I really encourage you to expand this outside the OWC, there's loads of potential for character development, tension and atmospheric horror.

It's been a few years since I've been in a proper black cab, but I seem to remember the doors locking until the destination. However, my memory may not be accurate and even if it is, the green/red light mechanism is a great tool for upping the tension. His phobia is also the perfect way to explain it to those who've never been in such a taxi.

This is great, I really like this! Well done!

-Mark

Nice writing and story.
I enjoyed the ride.

Congrats,
Cindy