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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    August 2016 One Week Challenge  ›  Taxi for Murphy - OWC
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  Author    Taxi for Murphy - OWC  (currently 2750 views)
Don
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Taxi for Murphy by Herman's Hermits - Short, Comedy - Ye old tale of a man and his horny dog - pdf, format


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Hunter
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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Probably the most unique story of this OWC. The problem is that everything just seemed random, it didn't seem like there was a coherent story we were following.


I would love feedback on any of these!
Back to Class: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1453330945/ (comedy series, RECENTLY UPDATED DEC. '16)
Cause & Effect: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1472594865/ (comedy-drama series)
Waking Up: http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1452376264/ (comedy series)
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irish eyes
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Well this was different, at least it didn't spend the entire time in a taxi, actually barely any of it.
Had a few laugh out loud moments, although it bounced around with quite a few characters to keep track off.

Good job on entering and remember to read others


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Cameron
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
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Now that tugged at my Scottish funny bone. It was well written, had properly humerous bits and it all worked for me. Scrappy was a great character too, randy animals always lend a topping to the comedic pizza.

Big problem is that in my opinion it completely missed the trapped in a taxi brief, which is a shame as it really was one of my favourites so far.

Cam

Revision History (1 edits)
Cameron  -  August 13th, 2016, 5:30pm
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stevemiles
Posted: August 13th, 2016, 4:27pm Report to Moderator
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Not exactly trapped in a cab.  I was expecting at least a fresh take on a classic joke, but this just left me baffled.  The humping dog, the wooden leg, murderous red heads -- there's too little to connect it all.  The whole taxi angle seems like an afterthought.  

Sorry, wide of the mark for me.  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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khamanna
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 12:07am Report to Moderator
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So was a taxi in any of it? They called a cab at the end of page 9. I didnt notice the trap part either.

Some of the dialog was entertaining. As I finished the story I kept thinking what it was about. I don't seem to figure out. But I liked Bill and the story he told. If only it had a point.
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Dreamscale
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 11:37am Report to Moderator
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Appears to be a pisser, but not very funny to me, so I stopped on page 3.

Lots of mistakes, missing words, misspellings.

Having read over the other comments, seems this didn't even attempt to follow the challenge, either.  Shame...looks like a waste of time to me.

Grade - D-
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SAC
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

This one definitely had some funny moments, although it did seem like it was "geared" to a couple certain SS members, which kinda makes it an inside joke script. Still, there were a couple lol moments in here.

However, no attempt (well, a small one) was made to even adhere to the challenge rules "trapped" in a cab. Just seems like a writer was having a bit of fun -- over a beer or two!!

Steve


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DanC
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 12:57pm Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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Sorry, this didn't work for me.

1.  Way too random with nothing to tie it together.
2.  Didn't follow the rules.  TRAPPED in a taxi.  No one was trapped.  

It was more annoying then funny.  Might be a pond issue.  USA doesn't always get GB's jokes.

4/10 (lower score for not meeting the rules of the assignment).

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DustinBowcot
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 1:18pm Report to Moderator
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Code

ANTHONY
Usually if you're all alone then you
would be by yourself... it comes
hand in hand.



Missed opportunity for comedy here as the saying is: it goes hand in hand... coming hand in hand sounds like group masturbation.

Page 5 and I've had enough.

I'll pass.
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alffy
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 1:34pm Report to Moderator
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Not sure how this is stuck in a taxi?

I thought this was trying a little too hard to be funny.  Some of the jokes were a bit forced and despite being short, the characters blended together a bit.

Kudos on the names though, thought Jason (Sterling) might just wander around the pub aimlessly before giving away his pint lol.

Anyway, not bad but I think personally it missed the mark a little.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 1:57pm Report to Moderator
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Doesn't fit the challenge - at all ;-(

Funny in places, but a bit random for me.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: August 14th, 2016, 10:59pm Report to Moderator
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Well, you got me!  I read all the way to the end waiting for someone to at least be inside a taxi.  Tried to hard to be funny but wasn't (to me).  Only funny bit was coming out of the bathroom and saying they were out of toilet paper, but that can't carry this waste of my time.  Sorry.  Not for me.


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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EWall433
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 9:49am Report to Moderator
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This was pretty good as a stand alone script. A few good laughs and such. But it didn't meet the criteria for me. There was a taxi, but no one was trapped in it. A good effort but it comes up short on that.
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RichardR
Posted: August 15th, 2016, 1:40pm Report to Moderator
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Some notes.

Doesn't fit the criteria, co it's out.

Other than that, it's moderately humorous in parts but fails in the main.


Best
Richard
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