Taxi for Murphy by Herman's Hermits - Short, Comedy - Ye old tale of a man and his horny dog - pdf, format

Probably the most unique story of this OWC. The problem is that everything just seemed random, it didn't seem like there was a coherent story we were following.

Well this was different, at least it didn't spend the entire time in a taxi, actually barely any of it.
Had a few laugh out loud moments, although it bounced around with quite a few characters to keep track off.

Good job on entering and remember to read others

Now that tugged at my Scottish funny bone. It was well written, had properly humerous bits and it all worked for me. Scrappy was a great character too, randy animals always lend a topping to the comedic pizza.

Big problem is that in my opinion it completely missed the trapped in a taxi brief, which is a shame as it really was one of my favourites so far.

Cam

Not exactly trapped in a cab.  I was expecting at least a fresh take on a classic joke, but this just left me baffled.  The humping dog, the wooden leg, murderous red heads -- there's too little to connect it all.  The whole taxi angle seems like an afterthought.  

Sorry, wide of the mark for me.  

So was a taxi in any of it? They called a cab at the end of page 9. I didnt notice the trap part either.

Some of the dialog was entertaining. As I finished the story I kept thinking what it was about. I don't seem to figure out. But I liked Bill and the story he told. If only it had a point.

Appears to be a pisser, but not very funny to me, so I stopped on page 3.

Lots of mistakes, missing words, misspellings.

Having read over the other comments, seems this didn't even attempt to follow the challenge, either.  Shame...looks like a waste of time to me.

Grade - D-

Writer,

This one definitely had some funny moments, although it did seem like it was "geared" to a couple certain SS members, which kinda makes it an inside joke script. Still, there were a couple lol moments in here.

However, no attempt (well, a small one) was made to even adhere to the challenge rules "trapped" in a cab. Just seems like a writer was having a bit of fun -- over a beer or two!!

Steve

Sorry, this didn't work for me.

1.  Way too random with nothing to tie it together.
2.  Didn't follow the rules.  TRAPPED in a taxi.  No one was trapped.  

It was more annoying then funny.  Might be a pond issue.  USA doesn't always get GB's jokes.

4/10 (lower score for not meeting the rules of the assignment).

Dan

Code ANTHONY Usually if you're all alone then you would be by yourself... it comes hand in hand.

Missed opportunity for comedy here as the saying is: it goes hand in hand... coming hand in hand sounds like group masturbation.

Page 5 and I've had enough.

I'll pass.

Not sure how this is stuck in a taxi?

I thought this was trying a little too hard to be funny.  Some of the jokes were a bit forced and despite being short, the characters blended together a bit.

Kudos on the names though, thought Jason (Sterling) might just wander around the pub aimlessly before giving away his pint lol.

Anyway, not bad but I think personally it missed the mark a little.

Doesn't fit the challenge - at all ;-(

Funny in places, but a bit random for me.

Well, you got me!  I read all the way to the end waiting for someone to at least be inside a taxi.  Tried to hard to be funny but wasn't (to me).  Only funny bit was coming out of the bathroom and saying they were out of toilet paper, but that can't carry this waste of my time.  Sorry.  Not for me.

This was pretty good as a stand alone script. A few good laughs and such. But it didn't meet the criteria for me. There was a taxi, but no one was trapped in it. A good effort but it comes up short on that.

Some notes.

Doesn't fit the criteria, co it's out.

Other than that, it's moderately humorous in parts but fails in the main.


Best
Richard

So if the challenge was sitting in a pub having a chat, full marks.

No one is trapped in a taxi at any point, not even sure what a taxi has to do with anything, other than being thrown in to attempt to meet the criteria of the challenge.

Jokes didn’t go down well for me.

I really have no idea what that was.

Oh dear . No trapped, but I guess you had some fun.

There's ways one every OWC.

Nice beater, enjoyed some jokes. The toilet paper moment got me laughing.

Weak on the OWC concept, but I enjoyed it.

Pass

Outside the challenge parameters, IMO.

Some funny moments.

I laughed. I'd laugh if I watched it, too. Nails its tone and keeps us guessing.

You'd have to be in a certain mood for this one, obviously...

Didn't meet the challenge.
Missing words in a few places.
Got to page 5 and began to wonder if anything was going to happen.
Slogged through the rest of it anyway.

Sorry, not my thing.

Lol I kept thinking of alffy as Anthony!

Good bit of fun though no one trapped in a cab.  Had some funny lines but a Pass

Read like a pisser and barely featured a taxi, never mind being trapped.

If it wasn't a pisser, I apologies but this would be a pass from me regardless.  

Um, okay...

Here goes.  The VERY positive point: I like the randy jokes and banter; IMO, they work really well.  It's worth it, I think, to reconstruct the story around them when the OWC is done.

Meeting the challenge?  Nah - no-one at all is trapped in a taxi in this story.  And the ending doesn't make any sense at all.

Also there are typos, and I'd argue that the writing itself (despite the blue humor) needs to be smoothed out, made more elegant for a better read.

Here are the biggie typos I noticed.  Though there's more. Which is understandable... this IS an OWC and time is fleeting.

Again, the Benny Hill humor in this is still good- that's the silver lining here.  )

******

Typos and Stylistic Notes

With the descriptions of your characters – I’d break them up.  It’ll read better and stand out more than a run-on sentence.


P1: I see what YOU’RE saying
P2: tight as A camel’s arse (though I like the phrase!)
P2: ask you BOYS (no apostrophe)
P ?: Wasn’t this story supposed to be about your leg (question mark)
P 7: That would BE me, Love

Nice, snappy, quick read. Gave me a few smiles, but it was in a pub, not being stuck in a taxi

I enjoyed the read though.

Congrats,
Cindy

Ahh, I thought it was all quite authentic since Bill said

"I can't remember, but I won't forget
It"

which was the exact construction of Stevie's

"I see what your saying, I just
don't know what you mean."

Completely dialogue driven. Must be better for winning me over.

Lol. Funny, but no...

Title page is not 12pt Courier. Very large print.

No bold slugs.   Yay!

By "football," you mean soccer, right?

Break up the character intros.

"Me[,] too."

Who, besides Adele, has a flip phone in 2016?

Code ANTHONY Hello.

Hello. It's me. I've been wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet?

Psycho, psychic. Same diff.

"Aye" should have a comma or semicolon after.

Another comma needed after "Alright." And this is just the first page.

P2

Code STEVIE You're as tight as [a] camel's arse in a sandstorm.

Funny line, though!  

"BILL ROBSON[,] 70s,"

Code BILL Can I ask you boy[]s a question?

Code JASON Sure[,] Bill[.] [W]hat's up?

Code BILL Does this dog belong to one [of] you?

"[...]clings on[,] humping the shit out of his leg."

Code BILL (CONT'D) Good job[;] this is my fake leg.

Code ANTHONY Scrappy! [C]ontrol yourself.[] [S]orry[,] Bill[;] he's in the moment.

Lots of grammar problems. Basic ones! Not good.

Code JASON [s](CONT'D)[/s] Ok[ay,] then.

That's enough. I'm out on page 2. Pass. F

The red haired beauty and the old guy were trapped/caught in the trunk of the taxi. That's when the dog got behind things. A meandering path to the final scene/joke. I liked the pub humor. Not sure it's worth a rewrite. It is what it is.