Very intriguing. Not sure if it could carry 90 pages though. This seem like somewhere after the first act and a third into the second so something would need to be set up just before this but not long. Lots of subtle things going on. Pretty cool, but feature, not so sure.

Hi guys Thanks heaps for the read and the comments – they’re all very, very helpful. Even Sandra’s;)

Okay, so to clarify a few things…

The mansion is Collin’s house. He’s a rich kid, she’s not. They were out clubbing and Collin was ‘almost done’ pulling all the pins out of her hair, so he was dubious that her hair would fall.

Paris left the room to go make a sandwich (she was the one clinking dishes). She came in with a slice of bread because she hadn’t finished making it yet. (Yes, I actually thought that through…)

I thought a lot about Paris’ description, but settled on biracial beauty because I decided that, given the setting, it wouldn’t be hard to deduce what I meant. That and…how do you describe that differently/better without offending somebody?? I mean, I’m genuinely asking because I just dunno

I used the Title Super on the last page just as my way of finishing up the first 10. There was some discussion about whether or not to use Fade Out for a first 10, and so I figured that might be a good way to signal that this part was finished, and it was only for the sake of the OWC.

And no, I didn’t refer to/use Wicca anywhere in the script and I’m not sure how that was misconstrued.

The Laveau name is well-known in New Orleans and is associated with the city’s most famous Voodoo priestesses. (The name Paris is part of that history.)

The idea here is that Paris’ mom, the current Madame, is dying and will soon pass on the title to her daughter. But Paris is struggling with her beliefs and what she wants with her life.

When Collin leaves, Paris’ mom sees how sad she is and ‘curses’ him for it, partly for Paris and partly in retaliation for the guy who left her when she was younger.

I’ve decided I will extend this to a feature for the 7WC (but obviously rewriting this part altogether, and probably moving it as well). I’m developing the idea further, and I really think it’ll be a nice, solid piece when I get done If it goes to plan, each of the characters I’ve introduced here will play into the story in their own way (even Rusty)

Anyway, thanks again, everybody!! I know this script wasn’t the greatest (this OWC was more like a 2DC for me) and is in serious need of a rewrite, so I appreciate your time in reading and responding.

Quoted from rdhay Hi guys The idea here is that Paris’ mom, the current Madame, is dying and will soon pass on the title to her daughter. But Paris is struggling with her beliefs and what she wants with her life.

That, I completely got. I think it's this that should be right up front and center. Maybe, just maybe begin with Laveau and her personal dilemma. If she dies, we need to feel for her somehow I think. We need to know her and the space she occupies physically and within Paris' life.  

Sandra

Thanks, Sandra. I'm thinking of opening with them, maybe doing something together, but everything turning sour pretty quickly over Paris' internal struggle. Then I'll bring in Collin and go from there.

Ah, I'll get there eventually

Quoted from rdhay Thanks, Sandra. I'm thinking of opening with them, maybe doing something together, but everything turning sour pretty quickly over Paris' internal struggle. Then I'll bring in Collin and go from there. Ah, I'll get there eventually

I know you will!!! I'm actually really intrigued by "Madam" and would like to give input further. I think that says a lot about you as a writer. You stir emotions. That's the magic! That's the goods!!! Rday, don't ever discount that!!!

I'm more than a bit freaked out by the last OWC. A lot of people knew my writing-- I'm such a dork, I guess. But I was surprised, for instance, to learn that my favorite:

Witch's Flame

Or:

Witches' Flame

Or to hell with it... Witche's Flame? ...Quite cool really...

Was/were/ written by my friend, Gary of Simply fame (for us anyways).

It was so cool to learn that he'd written it because I'm very strict and I won't bend
to someone else's writing just because they're a friend of mine. (Gary knows I'm crazy like that.) ...

The thing is, I'm really proud of his work and even more proud to be able to applaud it through the anonymous tesseract of the OWC.

For me to really LOVE his work, and anonymously too? That means that he's really freaking grown as not just a writer, but as a person. That's more cool than anything I've heard of.  

Sandra

Yeah, that is pretty awesome. As far as your writing, I think it's just that it's so distinctive. The elaboration, the poetry, the slightest details. I imagine you could do quite a lot with literary fiction and do really well

Quoted from rdhay Yeah, that is pretty awesome. As far as your writing, I think it's just that it's so distinctive. The elaboration, the poetry, the slightest details. I imagine you could do quite a lot with literary fiction and do really well

Thank you so much as a friend. In the very truth and at the very heart, I hope to be able to work in line with (sorry for the rhyme) but work in "the paradigm".

People like me have a hard time following linear thought and we really do want to meet with everyone's expectations, but yeah, we screw up royally. ... Anyways...

We're all here for you!!! Never forget that!!!!

Sandra and Company  

Quoted from Sandra Elstree. We're all here for you!!! Never forget that!!!! Sandra and Company

Thx!!