As per, I've not yet read the other feedback - so 'pologies for repeating.

No fade in from the fade to black - but a nice bit of impact from the opening scene - got me interested.

Some minor grammar issues.

Okay - I quite liked the story - but I do think the witch connection is tenuous at best.

It was slow in developing, but there are some interesting lines - I'm not too sure this could be extended to a feature - might need to give it a little something else.

Nicely woven in backstory - all easy to read. Generally I like your style of writing - it moved on well, and was easy on the eye - quite a few characters, but probably just about got away with this.

So warm, rather than hot, but well accomplished.

Nice work.

Interesting story, topical as well, thats a good thing IMO.

A few typos, few and nothing major at all.

I suppose the writting is good.

Will need a stronger connection to a whitch in some form eventually as I didnt reallly see one so far.

This was a good read. Some minor spelling, format, structure issues - but nothing that can't be fixed with a rewrite.

Noticed there was no mention of witches or anything yet.

Two things that stood out for me:

1. Mitch's parents would know he's been bullied, I think - especially if they say it happens on a daily basis. Also - when kids are being bullied, sometimes they will try and hide the fact that it happens (ie, Mitch would remove the sweater at the earliest possible opportunity). Granted - I have not been affected first hand by bullying, I'm just going by articles I have read in the past, etc.

2. If there have been 4 kids missing in recent times - One would think this is a major news story. So much so, that a man who beats up a kid would definitely garner more attention.

Apart from that - it's a good start that needs some minor tweaks. It's a dark subject that will need to be handled well and I wonder where the witch angle will come in.

Congrats.

I like the basic idea of this one. I do think, though, that you've tried to fit a bit too much into the first ten, and it could be a little less cryptic IMHO. I agree re the character names - I had to stop a few times and backtrack to remember who was who. I liked your descriptions, btw, very visual

Good job.

I thought that the short character descriptions were pretty illustrative of who the characters are, and at the same time they were quite organic. I think there was a mistake on page 4 - detective Philips leaves the room, yet right after that Michael is talking to Philips, not Robert.

The problem I had with the script was Michael. Maybe it's just me, but Michael is too stereotypical of a father in a sense that he doesn't understand what's going on with his son. He doesn't notice that his son is, I don't know, a nerd? And he assumes that his son has "destroyed" the sweater playing with his little friends? He looks pretty much like an idiot father, which, of course, is not impossible. But this conflicts with the way you presented him earlier: gold watch, leather briefcase. He's a serious man. Maybe he's a bad father who doesn't spend a lot of time with his son, but I can't believe that he doesn't understand this kind of thing.

The writing was clear, almost unnoticeable - the story just happened in my head. The whole thing was very easy to read. I thought that the ending looks promising, with an understanding where this might be headed. Nice job!

Not much of a modern day witch script, but I'm glad you wrote it.

I've known people who have lost their kids to suicide because of the bullying going on at school. Teachers and cops don't do a damned thing, but try to tuck it under the rug.

It may sound mean, but if you write the feature, I'd like to see the bullies get more than just beat up. Pump up the violence. Turn the tables on them.

You may want a more powerful beginning. Maybe open on Mitch breaking down as his friend is being carried out of the bathroom by EMS.

Kudos for writing a script like this. Hold the bullies accountable for their actions.

Cindy

This definitely had the feel of being able to go on.  I would consider giving names to the characters, and perhaps not using Bobby and Robert, unless it's a junior, and maybe avoid that, unless it's a biography and that is their real names.  Boby and Robert could get a little confusing.

No sign of witch-like activity, but I have feeling that young Mitch will be a warlock?

Nice clean, fairly easy to understand what was going on.

Ok... I wrote this. Thanks for everyone who read it and reviewed it. I had a big week so let me know if I missed yours and I will definitely get back at you with some notes.