This wasn’t the script I was expecting from the logline, or the title.

It felt like a whistle-stop romp through our writer’s Brave New World premise. Very Buster Keaton / Peter Sellers. Can’t argue with that. Odd subject for a comedy, but that’s originality I ‘spose.

For rewrites and polishing, I think it would help to plant this more solidly and consistently in the comedy camp. Perhaps an introductory comedy moment in the opening scene, even before we get to “SPEAK ENGLISH!” Then we’d be prepped for what’s to come. Not sure that the poem over black helps - makes the first few moments seem quite serious.

Hi,

this is a fun script from my sight, fun characters, an entertaining escape plot, good constant movement of storyline, enjoyed the humor throughout.

I also liked that distinct dark vibe around that hospital, body, organ angle… it gave a great characteristic to the story.

Presentation is clean, dialogue works, nice irony, what can I say… other than talk about the demanded preconditions that give it a, cough, "irritating" context for an audience. But I cannot hold that against you. Just write it out of it if you once want to have it a perfect piece.

Thumbs up, writer.


@ genre is clearly adventure here

In 1605 Guy Fawkes attempted to blow up the UK Houses of Parliament. It was part of a larger plot by protestant Catholics to overthrow the monarchy but he was caught and tortured until he gave up the names of all his co-conspirators. He leaped to his death just before he was hung, drawn and quartered. The King ordered the entire country to celebrate this failed coup with bonfires and thus, a national tradition was established - November the 5th, bonfire night, one that is still celebrated to this day.

But what if Guy Fawkes had succeeded? That was the premise I imagined. I spent a week coming up with an alternate history.

With the monarchy overthrown, the surviving relatives of the royal family flee to Scotland. England becomes a Republic. The Monarchy in Scotland goes from strength to strength, which inspires the people to come together. This eventually leads to Scotland maintaining its independence. In 2018, England and Scotland are still technically at war, although there’s been no open hostilities for over a hundred years; a bit like North and South Korea.

As Protestant Catholicism becomes the dominant religion in England, the hostilities in Ireland never occur and they become strong allies.  

The industrial revolution and English (there’s no British in this timeline) Empire still happen but on a smaller scale and it collapses sooner.

With its focus divided and resources squeezed, England allow the Colonies to become independent by brokering a 99-year leasing agreement similar to what happened with Hong Kong. England get some much-needed cash, America gains its independence without bloodshed, it’s just happens almost a hundred years later. France plays a much larger role, establishing towns in both Canada and America. Eventually this leads to the first French American President.
England play a dominant role in World War 1 but at great cost, it cripples the economy and never truly recovers, so much so that they declare themselves neutral in World War 2. This isolates England from the world scene and their influence is reduced considerably.

By 2018, it is not a United Kingdom but a broken one. With resources dwindling and a tough religious regime in force to control the population, the country has become something which I imagine a hard Brexit will transform us into; a bitter resentful and intolerant nation. Brexit was a heavy influence.

That’s where this story is set, and I realize there was no way I was going to get all this across but I tried to set the scene as best I could. I also didn’t intentionally specify this as a comedy. I am a huge fan of TV shows (and movies) that have mixed tones, ones that have quite serious and hilarious moments. That is what I attempted to convey here.

Thanks for all the reads and comments. I’m glad it was entertaining to some and I can totally understand if you hadn’t a clue what was going on lol! I will utilize all the points raised  to write the first proper draft. Feedback like this is priceless!

-Mark

I had no clue what happened, but, boy was it fun.  I laughed at a lot of the scenes.

Great job Mark.  You've really improved a lot over the last few years.

Dan

I always enter my OWC script into a few competitions just to see how it does. Pleased to say the very first festival I've entered Broken Kingdom into has had a favourable result! It has won best fantasy screenplay at the Los Angeles Film Awards.

https://www.lafilmawards.net/february-2018

Well done, Mark!!

Excellent news! Loved this one.

Congrats.
I'll have to give this a read.

Woah, very nice, congrats!

Very cool! You have a lot of talent.  

Awesome! That was a really wild and hilarious script.

Wow that's pretty awesome, congrats!