All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
# Gen (was The 13th Generation) by Darren Seeley (DarrenJamesSeeley) writing as E Pluribus Unum - Short, Comedy, Satire - Texting obsessions takes over a company's communication as a car designer gets a promotion. 15 pages - pdf, format
Have to confess, I started skimming after page 7. Was looking for the event in history that didn't happen and I'm afraid I didn't catch it. Could be me though. Interested to see the other comments.
Hmm...this is odd. Punctuation really needs attention. A lot of missing commas and a 1 instead of an !. Or is that part of the style here because it's all about texting? Also Dave's age (0's). Kinda young, eh? To pg. 5 with a lot of unfilmables.
Greta raises n eyebrow. Ouch.
Pg. 12 and I'm totally lost. The dialog makes zero sense to me. I guess I don't text enough to understand?
So many ?? above my head right now. Not sure what I just read - Sorry.
I struggled to follow this and I don't know what the event was or what has changed.
It started off as a decent exploration of what a busy office run by very stereotypical millennials would be like. That section was annoying, but I guessed this was the entire point and was going along with it. However, once they started talking about the car I felt myself skimming and drifting off more and more and completely lost the plot. We didn't even get to see what was in the box!
So sorry, I must have missed the text on this one.
I have to say and I'm going to say this for every script in this challenge (so I'm basically cut and pasting this last bit into all of them lol) that well done on entering! This was creatively an extremely challenging outline, one in which quite a few didn't even attempt or dropped out of. To have a completed script in the running deserves a pat on the back and a collective high-five!
-Mark
For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
And also either make characters matter or get rid of them completely. You keep introducing them, and you tell us something about them but they keep disappearing without making a difference and/or bringing anything to your story. The way you written your story makes me think it's a bit thin, but maybe it's not. You got me lost there in the middle and I found myself spacing out a couple times - that might be the reason I didn't understand it. Make it about someone, get rid of a bunch of people and think of the point you want to make - I should tell it myself as well.
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!
The "change" in this script (maybe) is that Thunderbird did not cease production in 2005 during the so-called Eleventh Generation of the model. Hence the title, signaling some period in the future.
This appears to be the backdrop for the story involving text-obsessed workers. The dialogue isn't bad -- nutty but not bad.
P.S. Pontiac, also in the script, ceased production a few years ago.
My guess is that the Silicon Valley tech nexus is in Detroit for some reason, so an auto company is basically full of Millennial snowflakes.
The main character starts off as David, but the story then gets wrapped up in Wilson's reaction. It's got the same kind of meandering plot vibe of a Terry Gilliam dystopian comedy... which really only start to make sense well after the credits roll. But this story would need to be even more over-the-top than it is to pull that off.
It might have worked better if the office was a spacious ergonomic Nirvana... and the Millennials still couldn't be bothered to communicate verbally.
Sorry, but I’m out at page 4. This, so far, doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, and if it is then I apologize. But what you have so far has no story, no set up to keep me invested. Not to mention cheesy asides that add absolutely nothing. I figure by this time there might be something to keep me going, but sadly, there is not. Hope I’m not coming off too harsh, as maybe this is a serious entry you spent a lot of time on. Doesn’t feel like it, but I won’t find out. Again, I hope you understand.
According to the authors of the book, 13th Gen: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?, everyone born between 1961-1981 belongs to the 13th Generation... And they're a self centred, self obsessed, empty vacuous generation.
Is this meant to be about the generation that took over? Nobody exists outside of this generation and now they run the world?
What big event happened to effect this change I don't know but I sure am glad I don't inhabit a world with nobody older than this generation still living.
Satire wise I think the author nails a lot of popular culture.
Amusing in places, (not exactly laugh out loud) but some good characterisations. Just a little discombobulated in terms of actual story, and typos point to it being rushed, but there's an original idea here with a writer's keen observation skills.
Title page doesn't work. Everything should be 12pt Courier (or Courier New, or whatever Courier font your software uses). Also, drop the bold and italics. Very poor start right out of the gate.
Wait, so David is an infant? Zero seconds old? Did he just pop out of his mother's womb?
Careful with those asides. Make sure they're filmable.
Quoted Text
DAVID They already know, but thanks.
Aw. How cute. Baby's first words. That's one smart newborn!
And he knows how to text, too!
Quoted Text
DAVID I got your text yesterday, but I'll let him know.
Yesterday?! He's 13 seconds old!
I think ELEVATOR should be a full slug.
Quoted Text
WILSON David.
DAVID Wilson.
Aw. How cute. Baby's first friend.
Quoted Text
WILSON Get her text
Incomplete sentence. No punctuation.
Quoted Text
DAVID Yes. Thanks for the heads up.
The little tyke's got a big vocabulary.
Quoted Text
WILSON Didn't say you were. If you were, I'd be late too. (pause) Dammit! Son of a bitch!
Not in front of the kid! Cover your ears, Davey. Those are adult words. You can't say them until you're older.
Who's bitch1?
Quoted Text
DAVID What happened?
That's what I'd like to know!
Isn't Cake Wars a reality show? Who cares if someone spoils it?
Quoted Text
I'll burn your house down[,] asswipe! Come down here to Detroit[,] bitch, show you what's up!
Cake [W]ars.
David can walk already?
New York Stock [E]xchange.
What budget are you aiming at? Feature film?
A baby wearing a suit? I wish I could stop making baby jokes, but... I don't know how old he's supposed to be.
Quoted Text
(a "have not")
Why is this a parenthetical? Is this how s/he reads the line?
There's literally a swamp inside the building? WTF am I reading?
An interruption should be two hyphens.
Quoted Text
BROOKE (CONT'D) Congratulations on your promotion! We�ll do coffee!
Let me get this straight! A newborn baby can already talk, walk, and text; wears a suit; has a job; and drinks coffee? I can't go on. This is worse than Signal Fire, sorry to say. Plus, I have no clue what the event is.
Something happened in San Francisco 30 years ago that resulted in Archimedes moving to Detroit, where they apparently bought General Motors, because GM owns the Pontiac brand, and they also bought Ford, because Ford owns the Thunderbird brand. Did an earthquake level Frisco?
The younger people can only communicate through their cell phones, and the older ones aren’t that much better. Our society is already there, so I don’t see where history had to be different to get here. I liked the snappy exchanges between the attention deficit disordered, and Wilson’s character is great. Build something around him!
I’m sorry - I just didn’t get it. What was this about? Not sure what the Brave New World element is too.
I think the humour is in how the characters are focused on inconsequential and banal stuff. But as a viewer, you need something distinct to be elevated from all that to keep you interested - which perhaps I missed.
It’s easy to criticise when you don’t really get a story. But, to this writer’s credit for sure, there is a consistent world going on here. It felt like we’re in a place, plus it felt like that place makes sense to the characters who inhabit it. That’s a good thing.
I feel like I didn’t read this hard enough, to be honest. I didn’t get into the groove, and perhaps that’s the writing, or perhaps it’s just my bad.
In the elevator, are they on their phones? Starring into space? hard to know the way the action is written.
ep of Cake Wars? Type or is that text speak?
"Men and women over 30 are dressed professionally like David. Everyone else are Kayslee and Wilson clones. Some of them wear headsets, negotiating some sort of deal. Most of them are doing texts on smart phones. Those with neither are the have nots. We won’t talk about them much. They are just in the way."Passages like this make make me wonder if this is a new writer? Pisser? Just having fun with the challenge?
The OWC - even with a little extra time was a doozy.
I don�t think I'm good at alt history fiction. Also, the interpretation of the guidelines �must be set in present day� is, as I expected, a problem. Without some explanation of what changed and how such change may (or may not) have caused other changes then most of our readers will be clueless. But I didn�t expect that to be a focal point in the majority of comments for nearly all the entries.
Maybe there should have been a time travel thing, where in most filmsand TV shows, our protags will find out the changes. But in examining those stories, it usually is the result of not historical figures making changes, but rather characters made up for that show or movie. And is the change for the better or worse?
My original thought was going to be �what if the Las Vegas mob went legit and never killed Bugsy Siegel?� Where Ben Siegel decided never to borrow Mob money again, and by example, the wiseguys decided not to skim off profits from the Casinos. Las Vegas would continue on as History says with that one alteration.
Seigel would run for Mayor and win. Then set his sights on Governor. The FBI would turn a blind eye and be more concerned with the Red Threat (Communism) Howard Hughes would not buy hotels and �save� Vegas. Vegas would flourish. More business would come near the area, including Silicon Valley not being in San Francisco, but near Boulder City.
Siegel would lose his bid as Governor, but the mobster turned real estate-casino visionary would set his sights on The White House.
And....wait A minute. You mean I�m not even close to present day yet? When my story kicks in, if characters don�t know history has changed, they would not even notice. Also, writing wise, I�m a week in and haven�t even cracked the blank page yet because I don�t know where to begin. But instead of throwing out the baby with the bathwater, I took ONE change and made it the focal point of the script. That being, of course,
What if Silicon Valley saved the Motor City Sure, it�s not in Vegas, but there are closed factories, no decaying houses, etc. The combination of giants like GM, Chrysler ,and Ford merging with Silicon Valley was a better starting point and I still had a full week to write. And because it was simple in premise, it was easier to write.
The change was alluded to in the script twice. So how was it missed? Easy. �Skimming� So in the revision I�m going to do something I hate. A title card telling you what went down in history.
The Title Page. Normally, I don�t do title pages like that. But in past OWCs I noticed that many others have tinkered with the title page but the scripts turned out just fine. Just this once, I�ll do it too.
Me? I get raked. I was just having a little fun, nothing more. Obviously, the redo title page will have my real name on it, so yes, that will be cleaned up.
The title, The 13th Generation is in reference to the model of Ford Thunderbirds, which stopped historically (for now) at the 11th generation (2005) so my thought would be �present day� it wold be going on the 13th Gen by now.
LC I was unaware of the essays by Neil Howe and Bill Strauss (13TH GEN Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?) it�s by co-incidence only. In any case, after looking into it, then I couldn�t use the Cake Wars joke (originally it was Game Of Thrones, but I thought Cake Wars would be funnier) or the �you tube viral BMX fail� throwaway as that book suggests that the �baby boomer� gen would want to Clean up entertainment. So in another thread, peeps were talking about the titles of the scripts. I said, yeah, maybe I should change it. (but my joke at time �Wheat From The Chaff� might not do me any favors anyway)
*****
Moving along...
The entire point of the characters under 30 (or even 25) was that they sadly fit most of the (sadly sometimes justified) stereotypes that seem to have been assigned to them, just upped a few notches to the point of parody. They would be annoying. They would be narcissistic. Half of what they say is important to others and/or the story, the other half not but it does reinforce their characters as being self-centered, whether they know it or not.
And yes, I thought it was funny as hell if office memos got hijacked by office texting. And that most of the work floor would be crowded, and people can be lost in it rather quickly if they don�t keep up the pace.
As some of you may recall, my 3 key sometimes sticks, so I have to go to the numbers pad to the left to type in 3. And in a proofread, it was missed. Right out of the gate no less. Guilty! Back to the stockades I go!
The "change" in this script (maybe) is that Thunderbird did not cease production in 2005 during the so-called Eleventh Generation of the model. Hence the title, signaling some period in the future. This appears to be the backdrop for the story involving text-obsessed workers. The dialogue isn't bad -- nutty but not bad.
P.S. Pontiac, also in the script, ceased production a few years ago.
#Gen is a better title. Also lessens confusion over "13th Generation" title. Even the car isn't mentioned as being a 13th generation.And of course, no gimmick on the title page.
Typos...especially the nasty David in his 0s.
An opening title card loosely explains the setting. One narrative line is out, a character mentions it anyway ("How'd you get that car in here?")
A minor problem which no one mentioned in the previous incarnation but I caught during the rewrite is fixed. And no, I'm not going going to tell you what it it was. So there.
As for the secret gift...It is no longer a crappy mug.
Well, actually, it’s no big deal. Kayslee buries her face back to her text messages.
KAYSLEE Hey, Dave, Just let ‘em know you’re on your way up.
DAVID They already know, but thanks.
I would have Dave coming in head down buried in phone - so we know he's distracted.
Throughout - I had some difficulty tracking when people were texting vs. talking - perhaps texts in italics or something.
Quoted Text
WILSON But I’m not THE MVP. I’m not even VP. And nobody texted me about Dave getting promtoeed.
promoted.
I like the premise - but not a fan of the story. It's kind of the same beat repeated over and over and had a hard time getting by the fact that the auto industry, like silicon valley, is high tech these days - i.e, there would not be that much of a difference from a technological perspective
Coincidentally, I have lived in both Detroit and the Silicon Valley - the biggest difference between the two are (1) cultural and (2) economics (3) weather. So back to your premise - I think it's too big for a short and would work much better as a feature or a series for that matter. i.e., A Silicon valley giant buys a depressed automaker in Detroit and moves it's people there to run the operations. The humor and contrast can come from those workers adaptation to the Detroit environment. e.g., you can buy two dozen houses for the price on one - imagine a silicon valley employee just buying up a block. The search for a five star seafood restaurant, Duncan Donuts coffee vs. Gourmet coffee, Mercedes and BMWs vs. pick-up trucks with gun racks, etc. etc. Long winded way of saying I think the premise works much better if it's the fish out of water approach - a group of silicon valley millennials transferred to economically depressed Detroit and how they go about making a life there.
Detroit Techie and Silicon Valley Techie enter a coffee shop.
S.V. TECHIE But they cut my pay, said the cost of living was lower. How can I possibly live on this?
D. TECHIE Heartless, ain't it? They got me training my replacement. Just write down all the stuff you spend money on, and figure out what you don't need.
S.V. TECHIE I'll try. (scans the sandwich case) Hey, what are all these little specks on the price cards?
Pages: 
Author
# Gen (was The 13th Generation) - 2WC
Logged
Locked Board