Okay - I actually liked this damned thing a lot more than I thought I would, based on first glimpse at the title.

Dangerously close to a pisser, it's really not - just an intentionally silly time travel tale.  And there are a lot of very fun lines in this: No-one is Coolio, Wormhole on Craigslist, the Cheetos bit, etc.

Not sure that there's all that much to go into re: analysis, here.  But the story even pulled together the loose ends it created in a cute, ironic way.  So yeah - as a straight up goofy story, I liked this.  Kudos.  Probably one of my top five-seven...  

Funny stuff. Buying a "wormhole on craigslist" is genius! You did a nice job setting up the story with an amusing payoff at the end.

The writing for the most part was good, especially for 10 days. You should be proud of that. Not much I can say that others haven't already touched upon but you did a great job.

Congrats on completing the OWC.

A title that certainly attracts the eye. A couple of funny lines now and again. Some of them did make me laugh out loud.

It could have been done a lot quicker and tidier for what it was. Still, there were some pretty funny idea here that made me smile.

Cute title - something I've wanted for a while so this should appeal.

Characters bolded on first intro? That's a new one, but in saying that, I'm sure I've seen another author do that this OWC... possibly a new trend.

"Plenty of time." For what I wonder?

"He sits down on his bed," What happened to the swan dive?

"In a moment he is sound asleep." Very awkward.

Ha! Fred's parents kinda hate him, or at least take the mickey out of him.

"in an old office chair." In?

"he ain't no Coolio." Who is?

Didn't like Fred talking to himself -- also the wrylie telling us that with the extra bracket.

Them laughing at the crackhead made me chuckle.

"they never wanted a girl and that's
what led them to Heroin."

Never wanted? That doesn't make sense as they didn't have a girl - Justin was their baby originally, right? Maybe this should be "boy"

I wasn't getting into this story after the first few pages but I started to warm to it as it went on, and some of the gags (Craigslist) were pretty good and well timed. I didn't quite understand the ending, well, I did but it felt rather convenient and didn't make a lot of sense to me. How come they're still have their birth names? Was they wearing dog tags or something and the parents just decided to stick to them -- shouldn't they be Justin Fanning and Dakota Bieber? I'm over thinking again... so don't worry.

This was good for what it was, a simple premise with lots of gags and a fun read -- it's given me the most chuckles in this OWC so thanks for that.

Congrats on completing the OWC.

Steve

A nice comedy, that actually made sense.
The writing was pretty good and flowed easily.

I like how it all came to together at the end, if only it was a failed attempt.

Good job on your entry.

Mark

Kudos for going in with a comedy. I really enjoyed the jokes and liked the concept.
In the end it was pretty funny to see a crackhead in John's house.

I do have something for you though:
Thinking you have to start differently - show us how Beiber annoys Fred. Show him (really show) that he understands music well. And make that part funny.
Then make up your mind whether they find the wormhole on craiglist or John invents the time machine. Otherwise it's one moment this and then it's craiglist... Or maybe I misunderstood that part - then you have to present it clearly.
I also didn't understand quite well how crackhead got in John's apartment. Thinking he happened to be near the wormhole at the wrong time.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. Nice job.

This is entertaining to read but I don't imagine it working so well as a film -- I found that I didn't care about any of the characters, in fact the writing seemed to encourage indifference to them, which oddly leaves me feeling shortchanged.  

Meh. Reads like a pisser to me. Maybe it's not. Either way, I didn't find it funny. I didn't find it particularly terrible but it still wasn't for me. The time travel wasn't particularly interesting or entertaining and felt like Justin Bieber was too easy a target. I've heard probably less than a full minute of his music, total, in my lifetime so I really didn't care what happened to him here.

I DID like the Craigslist angle though. I thought it was funny and actually sort of interesting and would've liked to have seen more done with it. I mean, what kind of person posts a time machine ad on Craigslist, especially if they actually have a time machine? That, to me, is worth looking into.

Also, kudos on the Slayer shirt.

Other than that, didn't care for it, even taken for what it is. Just not for me.

Writer,

I went into this one expecting to hate it. Wrong! Actually liked this. Thought it wouldn't be funny. Wrong. It was pretty funny. Got a couple good chuckles, and I'm all in on ridding the world of Justin Bieber's. maybe he'll read this, who knows?

Anyway, the writing wasnt great, but not that bad. I'll chalk that up to the time constraints. Only thing I did not like was the ending with the anchorman. Thought you could've gotten a little more creative there.

Overall, pretty good effort. Congrats on entering.

Steve

Hey writer.
I can't connect with the characters. If you would exchange their dialogues randomly, it won't happen anything to me. They're not alive. Unfortunately these lifeless characters force the story with their explanation.

It seems that you tried something different. The twist with the babies is the only positive to mention for me.

Sorry, writer. Hope you have a better success with other readers.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this and remember where would the world be without Justin Bieber?



Mark

lol!

Ignore this one...bloody pisser

Jeff hated the fact that I loved this script, Mark!

He kept sending me emails of Bieber pictures saying I loved him.

These pics were prolly from his private(s) collection

Wormhole on Craigslist, lol.  That cracked me up a bit.

The script has some funny moments, a few words were misspelled, like "viola", which should've been "voila", but other than a few hiccups, it was quite humor filled and had its moments.  Good comedic effort here.

I also liked the touch of the "switch"... and the crackhead in the basement.

Nice funny script here, shame the plan didn't work though.

-Lee