Hmm... Writing's good, dialogue's good, well developed story and character arcs. I guess what didn't work for me was just the wallowing in rom/com archetypes. I feel like I've read/seen this same story hundreds of times before. Of course, the style's a little different but there's not much going on in terms of twists. Anyway, two things I did like. Chris is meant to be the nerd of the story and yet he doesn't come off as overly awkward and goofy. He seems like a real person. So kudos for that. Secondly, kudos on pointing out how Facebook has essentially handicapped real social interaction. Probably the most true to life out of all the scripts I've read thus far. Don't know what else to say. Good job.

I really liked this one. Definitely in my top three so far.

Coupla problems for me, I would have felt ashleigh could've been a more likeable character if she's remembered Chris even after he's changed so much. Especially if she was his true love, I would've thought they would've at least been chemistry partners or something in HS. She just never knew how he felt and he never got the chance to tell her. I don't like nerds going around completely fantasizing about hot chicks unless they at least befriend them a little. give them a chance to know one another.

Also, he never asked if she was dating anyone, I thought this was gonna completely backfire on him. Lot's a people go to their reunions without their girfriends or spouses. i did... Hmm, maybe that's why she's not around anymore???

Other than that great, witty, bantor. I loved Blake's character. And the ending left me smiling. It did lack some drama to me. I thought you were going there with the Cindy Lee thing, but as it is, there would have been no room for it. Would she really attend another party with punch and the formal football team??? I dunno.

Great work, very talented writer here....

James

Ok this was definitely more on the side of comedy than drama. The romance was there but I don't think you really showed enough of Ashleigh considering she is so important to Chris. It would have been better if you had shown us what makes her so special to him, considering he has spent ten years thinking about her. Wouldn't he have moved on by now?

As for the Cindy Lee thing, I thought it was funny but it doesn't really contribute much to the story. It's irrelevant really. I didn't get the impression that Chris was part of the football team though, after all he was a nerd who no one seemed to remember. I thought she was just mad at him because she thought he was making a joke at her expense.

Probably my favourite part of your story was the dialogue between Chris and Blake. It felt believable and was funny.

Didn't like the lyrics at all though, they were pretty bad sorry to say. Although considering they were meant to be written by a seventeen year old kid I guess they are passable, just.

A quick and easy read, was funny but a bit more drama was needed I think.

Cheers,
Tim.