Writer,

You had me going there for a minute. I was really liking this, thinking something miraculous was happening and anticipating where you might take this. But, in the end, they never turned young. They just tried jumping rope and croaked. The sentiment was nice, but it needed some kind of magic to take this from pedestrian to fantastic.

Steve

I would definitely prefer names for the characters, at least for your two main characters.

Story is okay, not sure if it's enough as a whole. However, fantasy is a fine thing, and I enjoyed watching them living it up, real or unreal.

Too much detail about things that don't matter and not enough about what's really important -- the main characters. Your premise is good, but the approach is too impersonal (old man, old woman, nothing said) to be effective.

Hmmm....

I'm all for no dialogue scripts, but if the action paragraphs are over written it slooooows the read a lot. It's only three pages and I read through it, but if it had been longer, I would've either bailed or start skimming.

Be specific with your descriptions. Only tell us what we need to know. Be economical about it.

Storywise, it's okay, just a slog to get through, which is not good when you're talking a three pager.

Disagree with all the negative comments above. For me the writer paints a picture with these words, so grammar Nazis and screenplay form sticklers be damned, I say...

Beautiful portrait of two elderly people getting a last glimpse of being young before they expire. Sure they didn't 'turn' young in reality ala COCOON. But I felt something reading this. I felt their pain and I felt their joy. That's all the writer has the responsibility to do, so bravo on this one...

This was not screenplay format, many many spelling errors. I didn't even read it all.
For me too say that is pretty bad. Not good.

Keep writing and learning though.

I get what the writer was going for but I think it could have been done better. I can't top any of the previous suggestions.

Cheers to all who read and reviewed, especially those who 'got' it and liked it. Once the two theme options were given, this idea hit me straight away, practically wrote itself (I was surprised there weren't more entries in the same vein actually but most went the noose route lol). Went low budget too

The 3 page max gave me the impetus to go with no dialogue and the next step was to have no character names - this made it more universal in feel as the setting could be almost any country in the world. I kind of made that obvious by not having a super saying where it was as is my want (I always pretty much write stuff set in the US lol

The sentiment I was trying for worked perfectly for me and I was happy with it - probably in my top 10 shorts. The only thing I maybe would change on reflection is to perhaps have the whole thing seen through the eyes of an old lady watching from a window - which i referenced when all the old folk are looking out at the scene - and she is deaf so that would enhance the zero dialogue. i had this idea after submitting but it was cool as was.

Will read the rewrite of Cyborn, Mark. it was the best written script though my personal fave was Ice Cream Soda with its creepy kid vibe lol.  Cheers all

Quoted from stevie though my personal fave was Ice Cream Soda with its creepy kid vibe lol.

So, you're the one who voted for it, huh?  

Quoted from SAC So, you're the one who voted for it, huh?

lol it was a popular one bro!

I just looked at this one again briefly to see which one this was.

I feel that there's a strong memorable image of the old man and woman imagining their youth, not really skipping.

Somehow, I think THE IMAGINATION should have been labeled.

Also, I think the central image is lost in all the words.

If they were reminiscing, and maybe at the end, were "trying" to make some attempt, it would be touching to see. You know: that effort-- and you have shown that to an extent, but I think it needs to be shorter, executed in a different way.

I don't know if the intro city images are needed for this script. It's a lot of words, time and space that maybe could be better used.

Still, this one has that something.

Sandra

Quoted from stevie Cheers to all who read and reviewed, especially those who 'got' it and liked it. Once the two theme options were given, this idea hit me straight away, practically wrote itself (I was surprised there weren't more entries in the same vein actually but most went the noose route lol). Went low budget too The 3 page max gave me the impetus to go with no dialogue and the next step was to have no character names - this made it more universal in feel as the setting could be almost any country in the world. I kind of made that obvious by not having a super saying where it was as is my want (I always pretty much write stuff set in the US lol The sentiment I was trying for worked perfectly for me and I was happy with it - probably in my top 10 shorts. The only thing I maybe would change on reflection is to perhaps have the whole thing seen through the eyes of an old lady watching from a window - which i referenced when all the old folk are looking out at the scene - and she is deaf so that would enhance the zero dialogue. i had this idea after submitting but it was cool as was. Will read the rewrite of Cyborn, Mark. it was the best written script though my personal fave was Ice Cream Soda with its creepy kid vibe lol.  Cheers all

Hi Stevie,

I wanted to stay up on this one. Yes, if the woman watching was deaf, that would be an interesting point of view. You're really considering things-- not just making straw characters.

I've noticed a few of us had a bent for ICE CREAM SODA

I'm wondering why.

Maybe you could do character analyses based on this kind of thing: Simply Scripts People: Who loves what and why.  Maybe? More like probably.

Google will love us.

Again, good job.

There were a few like this for me-- not completely there, but they had something that I had the feelies for me.

Sandra