Echoes of the Fallen by Vincent J Gates - Sci Fi - An Assassin awakes in the afterlife searching for the love that cost him life but enemies, both new and past, have other plans for his life after death. 116 pages - pdf, format

Code An Assassin awakes in the afterlife searching for the love that cost him life but enemies...

I do not understand the above sentence. You need a comma or full stop after 'life'.

Code The yard is still until DAIKI, mid-twenties, Japanese male, with an athletic build, rugged domineer and aggressive personally...

Do you mean 'demeanour' and 'personality'? If you're US then remove the 'u' from demeanour.

It's not too bad. You have a few glaring grammatical errors on your first page. Show up, participate and you'll get more reads.

Thank you, also do you know if  I update or change anything on the script can that be notated here?

Quoted from VincentG Thank you, also do you know if  I update or change anything on the script can that be notated here?

Yeah. Submit the script as you normally do and add a note in the comments that it's a new version of Echoes of the Fallen.

The rewrite will take time to be submitted, though. Alternatively, you could host the script yourself and submit a link to that so afterwards you can edit it yourself whenever you feel like it and it will update on here instantaneously. Dropbox is a good choice for that.

I took a quick look at the first few pages:

The first slug confuses me. Is it a Japanese mansion built in 1960 or is it the 1960's? It's not clear. IMO the best way to make it clear is a super-impose, so anyone watching on the screen could see it as well. If you don't want to use a super another option is just writing it as an action line so we'll know that it looks like the 1960's. Some people also put it as the last thing in a slug, but I don't think that's a popular option. Either way, I don't think it's clear here and it should be.

The CUT TO's you are using all look unnecessary so far. Any way, CUT TO:'s go on the right side instead of the left side.

People can see the fancy page numbers as a reason to close the script. Your risk.

NOW is not an appropriate time for a slug. You should also try and space your slug lines correctly. A space on each side of the dash.

I also wondered what software you were using to write. The font size and the dialogue formatting looks slightly different than usual and your slugs vary with different misspellings and in one instance a 's isn't capitalised. Screenwriting software saves the slugs in memory for quick access later and capitalises everything in the slug automatically. If you're not using any screenwriting software, I'd recommend Trelby or Celtx, both free and incredibly useful.

Hope this was of some help. Just some information about the boards: The best way to get reads here is to contribute yourself, read and comment on other people's scripts. Looking if they're active or not before doing so is a good idea, otherwise your feedback can just fall on deaf ears. You can also use the Script Exchange forum to make a deal - read for a read.

Welcome to SS, Vincent.

ill make the changes and resubmit this week. Also how do I notate  super-imposed on the script.

Also, I just bought final draft that was done on Microsoft word.... Thank you for the information... As far at the first few pages how does it read?

You shouldn't have bothered paying for software. FD is only for pro's and that is because they like to swap FD files due to they being easily editable without any conversions necessary. Only buy FD if somebody is paying you lots of money. Else how can you justify the purchase?

As a spec writer you don't need FD. Maybe if somebody offered to option one of your scripts for a considerable sum then asked for an FD version so they can edit it, then it would be a good idea.

Until then you'd have been better off sticking with word and putting your efforts into becoming  a better writer. FD isn't a magic pill, nor indeed is it a pill of any kind.

As said, you'll get more reads around here if you participate. That means more than showing up and posting in your own thread.

Got you...  So u can create threads outside of your script...  Thread thanks again.