Hate by Andrew Herlan - Action, Adventure - A young, naive racist Jim, 20, is hid out in South Central by a black FBI agent where Jim must face down his prejudice and defeat dangerous racial terrorists before 150 people are killed. 136 pages - pdf, format

136 pages is a bunch. I read the first few, up to Jim at the cop shop. There's a lot you could cut down. Right now I'm not up for laboring through that many pages.

I know what to expect from the logline and that's not a compliment.

So many mistakes in this single "sentence" it's shocking.  Very, very poorly written and in great need of an edit.

Hey Andrew.

150 people killed...oddly specific.  Anyway, onto the script.

"The California Highway Desert"  Should be a SUPER or so I would think since it's capped and all alone.

Four thick paragraphs sum up a racist party in the desert.  The detail you put in this opening scene seems a bit too much.  A few lines leading up to this "generator party" as I know them (minus the nazi influence) is sufficient.

You jump to a new scene and this one, unlike the opening, has no description to it.  Not even a time in the slug.  A new character shows up which makes six characters introduced within two pages.

I'll end it there.  Hopefully you'll chime in and shed some light.

-John