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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Life After War Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 6th, 2017, 10:27pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Life After War by Stroebel - Action, Adventure, War, Drama - A troubled war hero returns to his home town in a search for life outside of the military. He ends up having trouble adapting to a civilized life after war. Even after he gains the trust of his friends and as he experience the unfamiliar feeling of love and closeness he still isnít able to leave his past behind for a new life.  103 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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Dustin
Posted: October 7th, 2017, 3:40am Report to Moderator
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Wilhelm Steinitz

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The logline is terrible... I wonder what the script will be like?


Yep. Terrible. Needs work. I suggest joining this forum, participating, and you'll be writing like a pro in no time. Well, perhaps a year or two.
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Huidong
Posted: October 10th, 2017, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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Like Dustin said, there are a lot of issues here. First of all, the formatting is off. I recommend downloading a free screenwriting software like writerduet. The scene descriptions are clunky and the dialogue sounds like something nobody would say in real life.
Best of luck, though. Just keep at it.
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