Heroes Aren't Born by John B Etterlee - Action. Adventure - Nathan, a Soldier who was born to serve, discovers leading Soldiers in war time sometimes requires great sacrifice. He must go above and beyond to bring his people home alive.  97 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

John - a few issue from the start.

Quoted Text SERGEANT NATHAN ATKINS, late twenties, is lying in a hospital bed, with his head half bandaged, and his right leg missing. He is barely conscious.

IMO - scripts read better in active voice - you can lose all the is" and the ing words and it will pop more. e.g., the above could be:

SERGEANT NATHAN ATKINS, late twenties, lies in a hospital
bed, his head half bandaged, and right leg missing.
He's barely conscious.

Another example:

Quoted Text Doctor's and nurses are running around the tiny hospital...

Doctor's and nurses run around the tiny
hospital...

Quoted Text A man who is very familiar to Sergeant Atkins walks up to his bedside.

This is unfilmable. i.e, a man familiar. You need to establish this by action or dialogue.

Quoted Text STEVEN You'll be alright buddy. You hang in there! You hear?

need comma before buddy.

Quoted Text DOCTOR Sorry son. You're going to have to leave. We don't have the room. Steven glances over at the doct

r.

need comma before son.

You have this error throughout. Generally, you need a comma before the noun, pronoun. e.g.,

Thanks Bill.

Should always be:

Thanks, Bill.