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Obviously, the after example is better. Currently, my draft looks more or less like the before version of the example. I wanted to know how do I get my script to clarify beats and have the emotional intentions I want it to have like the after example does?
How can I engage and move the reader just like a great movie does an audience?
The writing in both is bad, but the second one you list gives more description so is a little better. A guy climbing out of his grave, from a visual perspective, could mean anything.
Write what you see, and write it well. Lots of people want to write, just like lots want to act. However, most simply aren't and never will be good enough. Others will give up before they make it. If you have to ask how to write then you're not a writer. You should already know. You've, by now, read enough novels. If you haven't, and you've spent your entire life watching movies instead, then perhaps you'd be better off as a director.
My last feature, and one I'm currently finishing, kinda goes like this-- Write the first draft. FINALLY finish. Then, before I even get feedback on it, I send it to myself and read it through my phone. That way I can kinda sorta read it like I would read another's work. I take notes, mark changes I want to make. Then, I begin the rewriting. I have both versions side-by-side on my laptop screen, and I work off of that. When this second version is done, I send it off for feedback from trusted friends. I offer to read their work - quid pro quo. I'll usually have two or three people read it and send me notes. I make more changes, and I rewrite again, but this time with my notebook full of notes I've received. I use what I want to use, toss what I don't. After that, I tweak and I tweak until I feel it's ready. Last feature, it was at this point I sent the script out for coverage. Two times. And you can get varying opinions with this. One reader gave it a PASS, while the other gave it a CONSIDER. So, back to writing incorporating those notes. After that, I feel I have a version of my story worthwhile.
Now let's say you do get a CONSIDER or even a REC from coverage. Some people think it's a waste, but if you're querying producers and such, you'll have coverage to back up your assertion that your script is something they should invest their time in. Not saying coverage is the know all-be all, but it helps.
Yeah. I realized that post wasn't really expressing what I wanted ask and while I got really good responses. It felt like I asked you guys some form of cypher instead of an actual question. I'll see if I can delete the other post, it feels like spamming and that's not what I want to do. I just wanted to clarify what I was asking on the old post. I just want to learn how to write good stories not be the annoying user everybody talks about in a group chat, I'm really sorry if I'm coming off as annoying is not my intention.
Also I'm new to the form so thanks for the tip on quick pro quo.
My last feature, and one I'm currently finishing, kinda goes like this-- Write the first draft. FINALLY finish. Then, before I even get feedback on it, I send it to myself and read it through my phone. That way I can kinda sorta read it like I would read another's work. I take notes, mark changes I want to make. Then, I begin the rewriting. I have both versions side-by-side on my laptop screen, and I work off of that. When this second version is done, I send it off for feedback from trusted friends. I offer to read their work - quid pro quo. I'll usually have two or three people read it and send me notes. I make more changes, and I rewrite again, but this time with my notebook full of notes I've received. I use what I want to use, toss what I don't. After that, I tweak and I tweak until I feel it's ready. Last feature, it was at this point I sent the script out for coverage. Two times. And you can get varying opinions with this. One reader gave it a PASS, while the other gave it a CONSIDER. So, back to writing incorporating those notes. After that, I feel I have a version of my story worthwhile.
Now let's say you do get a CONSIDER or even a REC from coverage. Some people think it's a waste, but if you're querying producers and such, you'll have coverage to back up your assertion that your script is something they should invest their time in. Not saying coverage is the know all-be all, but it helps.
The writing in both is bad, but the second one you list gives more description so is a little better. A guy climbing out of his grave, from a visual perspective, could mean anything.
Write what you see, and write it well. Lots of people want to write, just like lots want to act. However, most simply aren't and never will be good enough. Others will give up before they make it. If you have to ask how to write then you're not a writer. You should already know. You've, by now, read enough novels. If you haven't, and you've spent your entire life watching movies instead, then perhaps you'd be better off as a director.
I'm new to screenwriting I just wanted to ask people who have done this far longer than I have. I have read some scripts here and there but I'll read some more. Thanks for your honest opinion.
My advice is to try to avoid formulaic approaches to screenplay writing. It is first and foremost a story. If you’ve got a story, with a beginning, middle and end and people genuinely enjoy reading it or hearing about it when you pitch it, then you are more or less there.
Don’t write the first draft expecting it to be perfect. In fact, expect it not to be. Then re-write it into a state where you like it and are happy. Then get feedback. Have some folks read it who will give you a genuine, honest opinion. And not just ‘it was rubbish’ but why was it rubbish? What bits didn’t they like, what bits did they like? What bits didn’t they understand?
Get more than one opinion, get several. If more than one says the same things about the same parts, you know what parts need work on. The rest is probably personal opinion which you can choose to either address or ignore.
Once that is done, then have a look at formula. Make sure it has clearly defined acts with transitions into each act (it should if you’ve done the previous steps right), make sure it has a mid-point, verify each scene has positive/negative charged characters that flip by the end of the scene and all the rest of the nubbins. Don’t get me wrong, the structure, the formulas of screenplays are all great stuff and do help to fine-tune a script, but if the story isn’t there, if we don’t buy into it or the characters, then no amount of ‘writing a screenplay by the numbers’ will help.
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I wouldn't avoid No Film School. They are a pretty good site. That being said, I'd give the rewrite about a 6 or 7 out of 10. You could use much better examples. But I've read worse whole scripts than that Before example.
Right here at Simply Scripts is a great (invaluable, even) place to improve your writing skills.
Right here at Simply Scripts is a great (invaluable, even) place to improve your writing skills.
Welcome to the forum, and there are plenty of sample scripts available here on SimplyScripts in the Unpublished Scripts section. The way I started on the site was to review a couple scripts before posting my own, as much for my own learning as for a down-payment on the site's quid-pro-quo aspect.
After reading through some closely enough to offer feedback (and then look at the feedback others left), you might already have an idea where to rework your script. When you're ready, you can post the first ten pages or so in the My Work In Progress area. A first-ten can be read in a single sitting, so the feedback loop is faster. Take what's useful from that feedback (and ripple it through the rest of the story if appropriate) and take a stab at posting the full script.
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How do I approach rewriting a second draft?
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