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ALAN enters, carrying a big case of doughnuts, which he sets on a table beside soft-drinks, cakes, chocolates, mints, sandwiches, and various coffee selections.
CINDY eyeballs the bag. She sets her cup of coffee down on the table.
CINDY Got any toasted coconut?
ALAN Sure...
He reaches into the bag and pulls out a toasted coconut doughnut for her.
Cindy stretches across the table for the doughnut and tips her coffee out all over the table.
CINDY Damn...
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
ALAN Glad you asked. Okay, I've got an announcement to make. Human emotion, and context and intention, are easily misinterpreted online, and are better communicated by inflections, silences, and body language, than by any electronic means. Truth is more visible when we can actually see, feel, hear, and reach out and touch, each-other in-person. Dispite any disagreements or ill-feelings members of these boards may, or may not, have communicated online -- either accidentally or on purpose -- we really do respect each-other on important and profound HUMAN levels -- levels which the internet cannot communicate, and actually makes us forget about. Now eat dougnuts.
In a cloud of swirling smoke, the table breaks in half. Its pieces fly to either side of the room. Alan, Cindy, and Tyler duck to avoid being impaled. Phil, being a spirit and not truly in the room except in thought, fails to dodge several pieces but they fly through his ethereal form.
As the smoke clears, George walks from amidst the broken table. He walks to Alan who cowers on the floor amidst pages of a script that fell out of a mysterious never-before-mentioned backpack covered in red marks and scribbled lettering.
George leans down to Alan.
GEORGE Do you have any bismarks?
With a shaking hand, Alan points to the door that Greg escaped from. George nods.
He walks to the center of the smoking room, and in another cloud of smoke, disappears.
PHIL This script continues to stretch the limits of believability and should really be stopped. I'm reporting this to Don.
Be quiet, Phil.
PHIL Make me.
From the center of the room, an electric stream of energy flies directly at Phil. He has no time to respond and is trapped in the stream.
George steps from nowhere in the center of the room again, this time with an official Ghostbusters ghost containment stream backpack on. He tosses a ghost container box across the floor which stops directly under Phil.
George is momentarily confused as the bottom half of his post was completely cut off never to be read in its full form, as the whole thing was intended as a joke.
George stares at Phil for a moment, a confused look on his face.
He pulls out a small remote and presses rewind. The room spins until-
From the center of the room, an electric stream of energy flies directly at Phil. He has no time to respond and is trapped in the stream.
George steps from nowhere in the center of the room again, this time with an official Ghostbusters ghost containment stream backpack on. He tosses a ghost container box across the floor which stops directly under Phil.
PHIL You can't do this to me. I've been produced.
GEORGE You've been canned.
George presses the pedal attached to the box and the box opens, sending a bright light into the room. Phil is sucked into the box which closes of its own accord.
The room is silent. Everyone else stands up.
ALAN Wow, that was almost as exciting as my latest rewrite of Banana Chan!
GEORGE One more shameless plug out of you and you're next.
ALAN But it-
George holds up a finger to shush Alan. George taps the side of his nose and disappears.
INT. NEWSROOM - NIGHT
The Anchorman taps his ear.
ANCHORMAN This just in. The plot continues its downward spiral and authorities believe it is only a matter of time before someone pulls the plug on-
The picture flashes and is reduced to a white dot in the center of a black screen.
Alan stands in the middle of the room. The lights shut off with a loud--
CLICK
Alan looks around, slightly confused.
A single overhead light turns on--
CLICK
revealing a plush leather chair and an analyst's couch.
MEREDITH (O.S.) Are we ready to begin, Alan?
A door opens. Light from outside floods the room. The silouhette of a short stocky figure stands in the doorway. He enters.
DOCTOR MEREDITH, a three foot tall emperor penguin, walks past Alan. He wears a tweed jacket and carries a clip board. He climbs onto the leather chair.
MEREDITH Are you ready to begin?
Another light turns on--
CLICK
revealing an enormously-long table. Its end cannot be seen. Lined up on the table are thousands of boxes of donuts, of every color and flavor imaginable.
MEREDITH Grab yourself a donut and we can start.
Alan steps up the table.
Each box of donuts has a name on it: HELIO, CINDY, PIA, GEORGE, BERT, PHIL, MARY, MIKE, PEPI, BALT...
Alan takes one from a box with his name on it, a vanilla frosted donut with chocolate sprinkles. He lies on the couch and bites into the donut.
MEREDITH Vanilla frosted with chocolate sprinkles again?
ALAN Uh-huh....
MEREDITH There's literally thousands of different donuts on that table. Why do you always choose your own?
ALAN I like mine. Everyone should eat mine.
Meredith scribbles on his clipboard.
MEREDITH It doesn't get boring eating the same donut all the time?
Alan squirms a little.
ALAN They're not the same. The sprinkles are a little different on each donut. They're not in the same spots each time.
MEREDITH And that makes the donuts different?
ALAN Uh-huh....
Alan finishes his donut.
MEREDITH I don't see how.
ALAN It does.
He looks over at the table. Meredith sees him looking.
MEREDITH Would you like another donut?
Alan nods.
MEREDITH You can have one...
Alan walks over to the table.
MEREDITH But it has to be someone else's donut.
Alan stops in his tracks. He looks at Meredith with bulging eyes. Meredith takes off his glasses and breathes on them. He cleans them with a small rag.
Alan turns to the table. He takes one from a box labelled WESLEY.
Alan forces himself to take a small bite. He throws the uneaten part on the floor and spits the rest back in WESLEY'S box.
He turns to Meredith.
ALAN Can I have one of mine?
MEREDITH No. Lie down.
Alan returns to the couch.
MEREDITH Why did you spit the donut out?
ALAN Because I didn't like it. I knew I wouldn't.
Meredith leans forward, toward Alan.
MEREDITH If you knew you weren't going to like it, then why did you take a bite out of it?
ALAN Well, now Wesley has to eat one of my donuts.
Cindy stands at a door wearing a bellboy jacket and funny looking hat. She looks into the frame and raises her finger to her lips.
CINDY Shhh...
She KNOCKS on the door.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS BOARDS
Dr. Meredith turns toward the door.
MEREDITH Yes...
CINDY (O.S.) Candy gram for Meredith.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS - HALLWAY
Cindy raises a package in front of her.
CINDY Candy gram for Meredit.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS - BOARDS
Meredith looks at Alan.
MEREDITH Candy gram?
Meredith rises from his chair.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS - HALLWAY
Cindy stands looking at the door.
CINDY Candy gram for Meredith. Candy gram for Meredith.
The door opens. Meredith stands inside the room.
MEREDITH I'm Meredith.
Cindy hands him the box.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS BOARDS
Alan sits up on the sofa and eyes Cindy in the doorway. She makes wide-eyed looks at him. He looks at her as if she were crazy. She motions toward the doorway. He looks at the table of doughnuts. Parkster jams a doughnut into his mouth.
PARKSTER Uumm... jelly...
Meredith walks to his chair and sits down with the package.
Cindy inches toward the table of doughnuts, as nonchalant as she can.
Alan studies her, knowing something is up, but not knowing what.
Meredith opens the box and finds a cantalope inside.
MEREDITH This isn't candy. It's a... A...
CINDY A cantalope!
ALAN Oh, God, no!
Alan ducks.
Cindy scoops up all the boxes of doughnuts into her arms.
CINDY Run!
Alan, Parkster, and Cindy run for the door.
The cantalope explodes and sends chunks of it's fruit all over the room.
INT. SIMPLYSCRIPTS - HALLWAY
Alan and Parkster quit running and turn toward Cindy.
ALAN What did you do that for?
CINDY He was a head shrinker. Thank God I made it to you in time.
Cindy grabs ahold of Alan's head and looks at his scalp carefully. Alan pushes her away.
ALAN What are you doing?
CINDY Did he dust you?
ALAN What!?
CINDY Like in Beetlejuice... Did he dust you?
ALAN We we just talking!
Cindy's eyes widen, and her jaw drops.
Alan turns. He shakes his head as he goes back to the boards, and steps inside.
Parkster takes the boxes of doughnuts from Cindy, and follows behind Alan.
Cindy follows Parkster, then peeks into the room.
Meredith sits in his chair covered in cantalope guts.
CINDY Sorry...
Meredith gets up from his chair and runs toward the door. He lifts his ink pen over his shoulder like a dagger.
Cindy bolts from the doorway.
She SCREAMS O.S.
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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