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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  ›  Murder on the Simply Express - Killer Discussion Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Murder on the Simply Express - Killer Discussion  (currently 33236 views)
Mr.Ripley
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
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Looking for someone to read my entry. PLease.


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from Mr.Ripley
Looking for someone to read my entry. PLease.


Send it over, Gabe.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Dreamscale
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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NO!!!!!!!

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mcornetto
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 7:26pm Report to Moderator
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You got things taken care of Gabe?  I wouldn't mind seeing what you wrote too because I have to take the next turn and it would give me a good head start.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 7:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Quoted from Dreamscale
NO!!!!!!!



You just wait, Mr. razzy nazzy. I know what kulanu yachad means.  

I think Gabe's off line right now. Nothing sent. I'm drinking shiraz and after that, I think I'm just going into Shabbat mode; so no worries. Minyana (tomorrow). How do you write that in Italian?   back at ya.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 8:20pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sandra,

Thanks for the offer but I sent it to Michael so he can have a head start. Hope my entry is good and appealing enough.

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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mcornetto
Posted: November 11th, 2011, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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You could have sent it to Sandra as well, Gabe.   More feedback is good and I've been providing too much of it this game.  Rely on your fellow player, make some script buddies.

Things I've noticed that are common problems:

- Don't try to do too much in your scene.  It's fine if you just advance one or two characters.

- Try not to have everyone in the same room.  Stripping away the names and using just letters proves how confusing that really is.

- Another thing that came out from stripping the names is that people refer to other characters by name in dialog far to much.  Most of the time you don't need it.  It sounds really silly when your using the letter - but it's probably just as silly when you're using a name.

- A lot of people, not everyone, need to work on their characters voice in their dialogue, or just dialogue in general.

But it's great that everyone has hung in so far - I'm really proud of you all.  Only one more turn for everyone to go.   Then a third turn for the author elected the master killer by vote, just to sum the story up.

I get a resurrection rather than a kill on my turn, so one character is coming back to life.  Any suggestions for who that should be and why?  PM me about them.

Revision History (1 edits)
mcornetto  -  November 11th, 2011, 10:48pm
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mcornetto
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 1:27am Report to Moderator
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Ok. My turn is all ready for when Ripley posts his.   Hopefully Ripley doesn't change things too much from the version he sent to me.  I'm not sure what to say about what I wrote except maybe that I guarantee you'll be surprised.  
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Zanej
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 1:45am Report to Moderator
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Sounds good to me so need an explaination... at the end do we vote on who wrote the best kill and they become the master killer? Or is their a designated person as tje killer?
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mcornetto
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 2:23am Report to Moderator
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At the end there will be two characters that are not dead - if I counted right at least.  You will vote on those two characters.  You will pick which is the killer.   The killer will then end it.  It can end with the killer dying or with the last survivor dying - it's up to the master killer which ending will happen.
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The boy who could fly
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 3:28am Report to Moderator
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Man, everyone will be dead before the train leaves the midwest.! still, it's gettin' good! Great work eveyone.

Am I after you Michael?


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mcornetto
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 3:50am Report to Moderator
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Oh, I was thinking of going alphabetically by the letter you chose (not counting U).  I figured that would be the fairest way to do it.   So Jeff would go first and Zane would go last. If anyone has a different suggestion, you're welcome to make it.
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 9:47am Report to Moderator
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Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

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Quoted from mcornetto

- Try not to have everyone in the same room.  Stripping away the names and using just letters proves how confusing that really is.

- Another thing that came out from stripping the names is that people refer to other characters by name in dialog far to much.  Most of the time you don't need it.  It sounds really silly when your using the letter - but it's probably just as silly when you're using a name.


I felt the same way, hence the approach I took to my dialogue.
Frankly, I was relieved that folks didn't reject my comedic approach to my contribution.

BTW, has the Master Killer already been "chosen"?
If not, when does that move happen?

E.D.



LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 12:50pm Report to Moderator
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Posted it. I'm not taking a kill for everyone's info.


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Dreamscale
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 1:28pm Report to Moderator
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Wow...very short.

Has this gun Z is firing already been intro'd?  Just curious...
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