Gabe,

Any luck?  Why not send it off to darrenjames - he's up next.  Send him a pm.

Quoted from Sandra Elstree. I think of the remaining cast, one by the name of E is of particular interest. He arrived rather late and early upon the train, came with a lot of luggage. I wonder what all was carrying? Sandra

I never travel without several thousand of them.
It's part of a marketing contract with the company.
Wet Naps appear in all my productions.

E.(D.)

Gabe,

Slide your entry my way if you still need a read.

Regards,
E.D.

Done.

Hope it's satisfactory. Thanks Brett and DarrenJames. I made a bit more revisions on it before posting it.

Everything is updated.  Hope I got that right - the corridor scene was very confusing.   Also fix your character slugs, Gabe, they shouldn't be lower case.   But overall good job.

Up next is darrenjames and he's already used his kill.

I think this post had some quality attributes. I liked how Gabe says, "Give me the gun?" in interrogative.

I think you could have seized an opportunity here rather than have Jeff just hand it over like that. I could definitely imagine Jeff admiring the gun, playing with it as it were... Playing with a loaded gun? Yes, I think it would be his style in this script; so yes there's that.

The feeling I got from this was it tended to be a little bit too staccato. That's not always a bad thing, but perhaps you could have switched it up a bit.

I have some confusion over Darren and Seeley. Yes, I'm the weird one who could actually discern the letters because I did study the sheet that Michael provided.

I am under the impression that C = Darren and

C has been Tomahawked to death.  

Sandra

I got the impression that C=darrenjames and he locked himself in sleeper 3.  While Seeley(or Darren S as I called him)=DarrenJamesSeeley and he was in cold storage Tomahawked.   Is that correct?

Just to clear something up...

Darren S wasn't hit with an actual "tomahawk".  It's a railroad tool, called a "Big STIK Tomahawk".  See picture below.  You may want to revise the post with the actual tool's name.

http://www.rrtoolsnsolutions.com/miscProducts/BrakeStick.asp

What letter is the "plain" Darren in Gabe's post?

Sandra

Darrenjames - C locked himself in the room. He has a gunshot wound.

DarrenJamesSeeley - Y is dead in the storage. I decided to kill him since Jeff injured him in the previous post. The mysterious killer likes to finish things.

I went back and revised the tomahawk and fixed the character slugs.

In regards to the confusion, sorry about that.   I wanted some movement and also further some story lines.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Darrenjames - C is locked in the room. He has a gunshot wound. DarrenJamesSeeley - Y is dead in the storage. I decided to kill him since Jeff injured him in the previous post. The mysterious killer likes to finish things.

Ok, I know "Y". I actually don't have him on the front sheet right now for some reason, but I picked up on him easily because of solid writing with his fx work in the game.

Sandra

Cool, just dropped by to confirm positions, and got it right... standby.

Gonna leave a nice little package in my last post. Can't wait to see where you run with it.

Oops - let me just check I got character vs real names correct: I know a couple of you.

A = Jeff
B = Gabe
C = Me
E = Brett
P = Rebekah
Q = Rene
U = Michael
Z = Zane

Is this correct?

Looks right.  Oh, my,  I didn't have to refer to my document -- I just knew.  Scary.

Hey Michael

What happened to the chef? I remember him being there as npc