All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
A small group of entertainment semi-professionals, each identified only by a letter of the alphabet, board the Simply Express train in New York -- their destination Hollywood. Little do they know, the person who bought their tickets, their unknown benefactor 'U', has other plans for them. These plans include madness, mayhem and murder which won't stop until all but one of them is dead. Who is the master killer? Is it one of those unsuspecting Hollywood bound passengers or it is 'U'?
THE RULES
The object of this game is to end up as the sole survivor.
A killer is on the loose and no one knows who they are. The killer wants to be the sole survivor too. In order to survive the killer will want to kill every one who isn't a likely suspect. The most likely suspect will face the killer in a vote by their peers - whoever is voted the killer will perish.
There are two rounds and a final conclusion post by the winner of the peer vote.
A player still continues to write even after their character is dead. They just write about other characters.
YOUR TURN
Each player has two turns, one each round – except the Master Killer, who will have three.
When it is your turn I will send an email stating that it is your turn. I will also post that it is your turn in this discussion thread. Refer to the discussion thread to get information you will need for your turn.
You have 24 hours to acknowledge my email. If you do not acknowledge, either by an email back to me or a post in the game discussion thread, then your turn will be postponed or cancelled. Depending on the circumstances you may also be dropped from the game and your character killed off.
You have 48 hrs to write your scene + or - a few hours. It is recommended that you choose one of the other players to read your scene post before you post it.
You post the scene you have written in the game thread.
You have one kill to use during either of your two turns. You may only kill characters if their associated author has taken a first turn. You may be given other kills to make when I send your email, those kills will not count as your kill.
Most importantly when you write a kill, the killer must not be seen. And you may frame another writer's character.
Please tell me as soon as you can if you will not make your turn so we can keep the game moving. This is a group activity so any delay you cause will affect the entire group – not just one person.
SCENE GUIDELINES
Keep it real. Don't go off on fantasy tangents. This takes place in the real world.
There will be a number of incidental characters, a few normal train personnel, like a conductor and steward. Do not kill these characters unless requested in my email.
A scene can be no longer than one post in a thread. If you use Word then this is somewhere around 7,850 characters including spaces and lines.
All formatting will be left aligned (see game thread for example). All locations slugs should be in bold. [ b ]slug[ / b ] - like that without the spaces.
You may have more than one location in your scene. There are specific locations, see room chart for details. You may only use these locations.
If you introduce another character please consider the bio given by the player.
Make the reading interesting. Follow an earlier “storyline”. A scene can be just about anything that moves the “story” forward. I’m putting story in quotes here because there really isn’t much of a story here, more than likely there will be many fragments of stories, after all this is a game.
SPECIAL EVENTS
I will be going first each round. On my second turn I will resurrect one character from the first round and give that character a second chance.
Michael, are you insane? Who shacks a hitman up with a SEAL? We'll both murder each other by the time this is over... or was that your plan, you conniving bastard? Lol.
"I'm a personal agent, hired by rich men and women"
Lead me to believe she was most definitely Gucci or probably even Prada. She better be or those rich folk probably wouldn't hire her.
Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Michael. Just because a person works for rich people and may indeed have a lot of money themselves, it doesn't mean they value "the name" in goods. It might be so, but not necessarily.
That statement holds true in other scenarios as well. For instance, I knew a chef who worked at a hotel in Regina and he said that he was just so very happy to come home at night and have his wife cook him Kraft Dinner. For those who don't know, Kraft Dinner in Canada is pretty standard fare. It's boxed macaroni and cheese. Easy peasy to make. Instant stuff. But I'm sure that for some highfalutin people, they might think they're above that kind of thing.
Anyways, it's a good point and question regarding characters. Does that guy wearing a Rolex really have money? What kind of person wants to look like an idiot driving around in a Hummer? What kind of person thinks that a person driving around in a Hummer looks like an idiot?
Just finished my entry, having someone take a look at it before I post. Man it's tough at first introducing so many characters, should be easier from now on though.
Good job Jordan, getting the tough stuff out of the way. The information at the start of the thread has been updated and Pia has been notified that she's next.
No worries. If those intimidated newcomers have any questions they are most welcome to ask. This is kind of a site-grown game that's evolved here so I might be skipping some info I assume people know.
For example, the color of the letter dots in the room diagram...
Green - that player is writing. Red - that player isn't writing. Orange - that player isn't writing but they've taken a turn and therefore may be killed off.
And there's one more color that you'll see soon enough.
My part has been posted. Hope it makes sense and wasn't too short. I was a bit under the weather today after eating something bad at a dog show yesterday.
One thought, I have a hard time keeping the characters sorted in my head. Is there any way we could give them names instead of letters?
If it helps any, Pia, I was thinking that M might have been called Miggs for some reason. Don't have a clue why though! Let me know if you can figure it out.
Just read your post and I love the suspicious elements you've got going! And using the make up artist right off the get go-- really good thinking!!!! Taking advantage of that sort of thing. Way to go!
I hope that you're feeling better soon. I know I was really sick during the writing of the OWC. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I can understand the letters getting a bit confusing. The worst are A and I, they just usually don't read right. But I picked using letters for a reason. The reason is because it makes us concentrate more on the character's voice - simply because they are hard to differentiate if we don't. See, I'm always thinking about you guys learning.
Great job with the entry...I'll have an update soon -- Mr. Blonde is next.
I'm wondering if it's possible to get a layout of the train - like where the sleepers are in relation to the dining car, etc.? Might help for continuity...
This is my first master killer game. Hope my "E" bio wasn't too lame.
Michael, I see you jumped on the OCD part pretty quickly! Thought I should through some fodder in there to entice writers. An OCD producer with a dark past on a doomed movie set might fit that bill.
Love the bit about the Chinese symbol. I learned something new. Or you pulled fast one, heh. Do I look Chinese? LOL.
Jordan, you got the thankless task of many intros. You availed yourself well. Good call on setting up some friction with some. Crisp dialogue, like the cavalier wit on the differing industry types.
Pia, nice jolt with the makeup effect. Classic whodunit prep fun! And I dig ending with the intrigue to hook into the next bit.
This is gonna be fun!
Regards, E.D.
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It's a good thing that I signed up for this. I'm so happy that I have a room by myself. Thanks Michael.
Jordan, you got my character right on. lol.
I really like how this is setting up.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
My section is written. Just sent it off to be read and hopefully will have it up whenever it's done being read, if any changes need to be made or something.
I really enjoyed this scene. I like how you really marked up the monitors. It would have seemed initially that all of the suspicion was cast upon U, (at least by the character intro) but now he seems less of a threat obviously in light of I's business with the knife. But maybe it was just a prop. ???? Iza wonderin' why U wasn't more helpful if he saw the Steward's dilemma.
I really enjoyed this scene. I like how you really marked up the monitors. It would have seemed initially that all of the suspicion was cast upon U, (at least by the character intro) but now he seems less of a threat obviously in light of I's business with the knife. But maybe it was just a prop. ???? Iza wonderin' why U wasn't more helpful if he saw the Steward's dilemma.
U wasn't particularly helpful because he was busy immersing himself in files that he's collected on the people on the train. For the time being, that was his focus, but I have a feeling that it won't be, for a brief period of time.
I'm pretty nervous about this! just about to head over and read what's been written so far.
This is not easy. One needs to try and give equal coverage to all characters. At least in my mind. I don't know how I will fulfill character and suspense in fairly equal proportions. So far, we've had a lot of suspense. It's been really solid.
This is not easy. One needs to try and give equal coverage to all characters. At least in my mind. I don't know how I will fulfill character and suspense in fairly equal proportions. So far, we've had a lot of suspense. It's been really solid.
Sandra
You don't need to touch all the characters when you take your turn - matter of fact - I would rather you didn't. If you can use your turn to develop one or two characters, like Sean did, then you're doing great. Take reasonable bites, you aren't writing the whole script just a piece, and if you try to eat the whole thing at once - your going to choke on it.
You don't need to touch all the characters when you take your turn - matter of fact - I would rather you didn't. If you can use your turn to develop one or two characters, like Sean did, then you're doing great. Take reasonable bites, you aren't writing the whole script just a piece, and if you try to eat the whole thing at once - your going to choke on it.
Yes, I really do hear you, Michael. But I guess what I'm thinking is this:
Even if we are writing a scene that "seems" focused upon let's say two characters, we might really try hard to incorporate visuals and "plants" from other character's previous posts. So, we're not doing it explicitly, but it means we're taking importance in what a previous person/character has taken time to incorporate.
For instance, a subtle character clue that might be (for instance) M's gucci shoes. Yes, she might be the real shopper, but also, she might be just using that to hide herself. That's not how I had her character written, but it serves as an example that:
We should try and look at characters and see how we can work with them in a larger picture.
Kind of what I was going for, too, Pia. But, I also agree with Sandra that you should set up other small things for other characters so the person after you has something to work with.
It's a really delicate balance, but the first go-around seems mostly like it'll be figuring out what the plot of this will really be. The second go-around should be the truly entertaining stuff... =)
Kind of what I was going for, too, Pia. But, I also agree with Sandra that you should set up other small things for other characters so the person after you has something to work with.
It's a really delicate balance, but the first go-around seems mostly like it'll be figuring out what the plot of this will really be. The second go-around should be the truly entertaining stuff... =)
It's just so frickin' hard. The minute a person starts concentrating on "their character", that's precisely when (at least for me) I forget the larger picture. I'm trying to learn to keep an eye on that larger picture.
I agree, but I suppose we are taking part to see what others do with our characters too. I am looking forward to seeing how someone kills off C (if he is a victim!!) or how they write their own character interacting with him. I suppose, rather than treading on egg shells, it would be more in the spirit of the GAME to go to town with each others creations and have fun (obviously sticking with the Bio's) Or am I way off? On my turn, I'm going to focus on those characters that havent been used much, address the balance, particulary in the first round.
It is very hard. You think you know your character but at the same time, you focus on other characters as well and try to learn about them from small mannerisms to their slang in their dialogue.
It's more like if you can have the character you're focusing on converse with three other groups of people, or cut away from them entirely, then you've probably done your job because if everyone were to do that during their turn, we'd get an idea of who and what every person on the train is.
I agree, but I suppose we are taking part to see what others do with our characters too. I am looking forward to seeing how someone kills off C (if he is a victim!!) or how they write their own character interacting with him. I suppose, rather than treading on egg shells, it would be more in the spirit of the GAME to go to town with each others creations and have fun (obviously sticking with the Bio's) Or am I way off? On my turn, I'm going to focus on those characters that havent been used much, address the balance, particulary in the first round.
You'll pretty much get two schools of thought on this, for the most part.
You'll get the people who believe we should delve deeper into the plot of the story. You know, as opposed to having a bunch of random occurrances.
Or, you'll get the people who think the characters should be progressed and make them all as three dimensional as possible.
Of course, I'm 99.83% sure that there's no particular way to go about your turn in the game. It's just having fun in any way you want. =)
It is very hard. You think you know your character but at the same time, you focus on other characters as well and try to learn about them from small mannerisms to their slang in their dialogue.
It's more like if you can have the character you're focusing on converse with three other groups of people, or cut away from them entirely, then you've probably done your job because if everyone were to do that during their turn, we'd get an idea of who and what every person on the train is.
That's a really very interesting post! I personally have trouble with that sort of thing, (so does my husband) because we are both chameleons. Truthfully I can fit into most any crowd except the "Satan Worshipers" and even them, I'm sure to find the good. Always! So...
If I stick my character in a crowd, they might not be behaving the way other people would see as normal. And, I have to be careful so as to not throw the whole thing off. For instance: I might like to make the Satan Worshiper feel alright (according to standards he recognizes he's got a handicap). Well, that's all fine and dandy in Sandra's world, but hey, come on... it's going to be a stretch without set-up no matter what character you're taking about.
Nicely done, Mr. Blonde. Way to add a dollop of intrigue to our pot boiler. U has a poison pill running around is train. Dirty pool, I like it old man!
E.D.
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Matt, you created some lovely set up there and you did it so neat and sparsely I love it!!! The fact that M couldn't even remember that she still had make-up on her face-- really well done!
Well done, Matt. Must be nearing dinner time on the train since everyone is in the dining room. I wonder what the Chef might have prepared.
I pictured a lovely breakfast, unless we jumped ahead in time. Breakfast with bacon, sausage, eggs, French toast and pancakes. I mean, you talk about cholesterol and diabetes...
That would be an opportunity for E to show up and hopefully the dryer is working this time.
Sandra
LOL! I see the OCD personality tick has a fan!
Matt,
Sterling segment. Raising suspicions, blood and bad tidings, yay! T&A aren't getting along, say it ain't so. No good script is complete without a little of both!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
No worries. Just want to make sure the folks who are new to the game don't get stuck. Of course you should cuddle your sick kiddo, we keep a good game/life balance here.
I wouldn't say that. I enjoyed it and my favorite part was when Sandra was trying to convince you to eat something, It had some good set-ups plus you gave us our first death.
It's good. Don't beat yourself up. You're never going to get perfection. This is just for fun.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Info at the beginning of the thread has been updated. I've decided that because there's so many characters at this point, if they aren't mentioned in a post - I might move them around the train anyway - just to keep them active and, of course, to provide targets. I'm still waiting for someone to use their kill. There's lots of orange letters floating around, ripe for the picking. If there's no kills before the second round, I won't be able to ressurect anyone.
That's twice I worked for Spielberg. Y has long hair, wears an Iron Madien T-shirt, prob. w/ Ol' Eddie on the front... now he shows off a big shiny ring. My peers are too kind.
And then a thumbs up ...when it's my round I might play on that.
That's twice I worked for Spielberg. Y has long hair, wears an Iron Madien T-shirt, prob. w/ Ol' Eddie on the front... now he shows off a big shiny ring. My peers are too kind.
And then a thumbs up ...when it's my round I might play on that.
Hehe, I pictured something that a rockstar might wear. Something like this perhaps?
Or...
Ah, I just realised...I so should've done a 'rock on' sign instead of a thumbs up
I'm curious why I was hiding out in the room where the corpse was... and moreso what was witnessed... =)
I don't know, but I absolutely loved the "potential set up" that The Usual Suspect worked on for the vision I had that involved "P" and the need of her Ex husband's partner. (That was when M sat down at the table with A & P).
It never came to fruition, but I had imagined M trying to stop A from any further passes at P. Why? Because M's need is to get P to call her Ex and give him a second chance. (Because she was hired by I to do just that. Work in the female capacity to that end.) With that in mind, M is even dreaming of requesting the use of D's tactics to pull A away from P so that she will be more inclined to give her Ex husband another chance. M is trying extremely hard on her assignment, but she's collapsing under pressure and I's so cool and calm. Her "employer" is very different than she is. The two work together, but it's amazing the opposites they are.
I saw "P's" husband suicidal, (can't live without her) drugged out, (very much like X with respect to the vices). P's Ex husband's partner in business I felt was completely ruined without him, (P's husband). I know how complicated it sounds...
The partner knows that if P just gives her Ex another chance, he'll be as good as gold. The partner knows (with P by her husband's side) that he will pull himself up, no longer talking suicide and ruining himself with heavy drug use.
So...
What I had imagined was:
P's husband's partner hired "I" to make sure she'd at least give her husband a chance. "I" knew that he needed a woman to relate to a woman and hired "M". And "M" wants to do her best, but never knew that "I" could pull the hard cold tactics and it's scaring her. "I" is freaking her out.
So there you go folks...
I guess I couldn't help thinking a lot of backstory.
I'd love to get Pia to seduce A. I need him off of P so that P can at least consider returning to her husband. Even if only for a short time.
If "I" thinks I've not weakened too much, then at least he'll give me a little more congee to send to Daddy.
I actually figured I'd let M try getting all buddy buddy with P as her tactic. And besides, you never know - A's attention might just push P over the edge anyway
I actually figured I'd let M try getting all buddy buddy with P as her tactic. And besides, you never know - A's attention might just push P over the edge anyway
A an P (I think) have enough shine for any writer who wants to (play up their dilemmas) take a strong handle on their situations and develop them in this unique play of worlds.
There's a whole lot of fun to be had here! And especially, it's fun to just change momentum and switch gears. I guess I'm crazy like that, but I really do enjoy seeing the shifts and imagining how we'll work with them.
I thought the confused letters/words was hilarious. I got a good laugh.
Until I read the end. I'm the first one to go? Damn you. I tried setting up some conflict between A and T, which I guess won't go anywhere. Is it cause this is my first time playing the game?
How did I know this would happen? Damn you Michael for setting up my death!!!!!
X, you murderer! How could you slit Y's throat and just try to pretend like it wasn't you. I think someone's trying to frame him.
Seriously, who kills someone in the bathroom?
Good stuff, though, E.D. The train coming to a stop over water is an interesting development.
Hey Blonde,
Glad you got a kick out of it. It's my first time playing the game, I was a little nervous. I wanted to shoehorn as many mystery tropes as I could into three minutes.
I thought it would be fun to stop/strand the train for a bit. Perhaps the Engineer would need some assistance tracking down short circuits, etc. Yay! Mini missions! Split groups up, etc. Classic mystery stuff.
And give U a cat nap while the mice play amongst themselves!
Oh yeah, someone died too.
Thanks for having me along, it was a blast!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Had to give Michael a reason to wave his resurrection wand. The Occupado D-bag line was sorta an apology, hope it makes your throat feel better! Thanks for being a good sport, hope you enjoyed your tidy death!
*flush*
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
E.D. I really enjoyed your post. The comedy with the letters was really good and the whole "Murderer!" thing. It was all very light in tone underneath. It really livened things a lot. The train stopping over water was really good. It brought some of the outdoors into the trip.
I find it difficult too and it takes you away fomr the plot(s) when you have to consult a list. I have copied the text into Final Draft and given them all names beginning with the same letter, formatted THEN read it, it's so much easier.
The letters will get better once a few characters go. There's just a lot of characters at the moment and you guys have been insisting on keeping them in large groups which also makes it a bit hard to follow. But it'll get better when there's fewer of them.
And by all means work that frustration with the letters out in the script. Don't you think these characters are frustrated with having to use letters instead of names. Use it, don't fight it.
Anyway, good entry Brett. Sorry that he chose you T but you weren't the only one alone - he could have easily chosen me.
I'll update the info after I have some coffee. Sandra is up next. G-d help us.
Daz, can you E-Mail me that doc in a PDF format? I can't make heads or tails of what I'm reading so far and literally have no clue what's happening or what's happened.
No problem, anyone else want it I can send it. (All I have changed is the names to letters for my own use as I've got an idea on doing something pretty cool on my turn... and I won't kill anyone on the toilet! poor bugger!)
No problem, anyone else want it I can send it. (All I have changed is the names to letters for my own use as I've got an idea on doing something pretty cool on my turn... and I won't kill anyone on the toilet! poor bugger!)
I've just noticed that the script is available with names. I won't be reading it until after my post. I know it sounds strange, but I have found the use of letters helpful. With the use of letters, there's more emphasis on character ideas in the mind's eye. At least that's the way it seems to me. I'll definitely enjoy reading with the names, but it's been fun with the letters.
I will work at submitting a post to you, Michael by tomorrow evening.
I notice Z, Q, and C are kind of missing of late and I will try and bring them around as well as any others that have disappeared. I'll try and give some quick snap shots as well as move things along the best I can.
I've just noticed that the script is available with names. I won't be reading it until after my post. I know it sounds strange, but I have found the use of letters helpful. With the use of letters, there's more emphasis on character ideas in the mind's eye. At least that's the way it seems to me. I'll definitely enjoy reading with the names, but it's been fun with the letters.
I will work at submitting a post to you, Michael by tomorrow evening.
I notice Z, Q, and C are kind of missing of late and I will try and bring them around as well as any others that have disappeared. I'll try and give some quick snap shots as well as move things along the best I can.
Sandra
I used the phonetic alphabet so its still kind of letters, just makes an easier read IMO which was the purpose. Also its quite fun cos the chracters still refer to each other as letters (as the invite from U told them to!)
I agree about some characters needing a bit of spotlight lol, As C P and Q have had minimal interest and B the least so me too lol!
I used the phonetic alphabet so its still kind of letters, just makes an easier read IMO which was the purpose. Also its quite fun cos the chracters still refer to each other as letters (as the invite from U told them to!)
I agree about some characters needing a bit of spotlight lol, As C P and Q have had minimal interest and B the least so me too lol!
B is up front and center in the next post. Yay! I decided to take a peek at the script with names because something had come to mind and required it.
I do have a post written, but I want to have a rest and return to it tomorrow before I send it to Michael. I think I've achieved some of what I'd like to be accomplished, but one night can make a big difference and thus, I'm going to give it that time.
The flavor of the characters is very important to me. That, and the intricate feel that I get from the posts. It really is hard work to try and choose a place where one will start in the next framework. I'm happy with my choice of beginning so far. So alls good on that front. I would like to get a little more interspersion, but I think I'm going to have to settle for longer scenes until I can knock em back and forth a bit more easily.
A rest and then a review and then over to Michael tomorrow.
I notice Z, Q, and C are kind of missing of late and I will try and bring them around as well as any others that have disappeared. I'll try and give some quick snap shots as well as move things along the best I can.
Sandra
Very astute, my dear.
I did a leave folks in the dining car when the group checked out the Conductor. And when the train stopped and that group came back through. The dining car was empty.
I didn't forget them, sorry to those folks if it came off that way. I wanted to leave some folks "available" to have suspicion cast upon them. Made sense to me to leave a few out to that end.
Regards, E.D.
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I just sent it off to Michael to check. I tried for some action paction and fun. When the titanic went down, the band played on and the Killer Train's gotta have good times.
Darren, I really enjoyed your post and your comment is freaking me out because I actually thought, "I bet Z & I or someone made it look that way because otherwise, they would have been more subtle.
So, Darren, are you using your kill on I? You have to be specific to use your kill - subtle doesn't count and we have to see it. Since you implied it heavily I'm willing to let that go as a kill, if you want that to be a kill for I then let me know pretty quick.
EDIT: Stuff is updated but may change some depending on Darren's answer to the above question.
Hmm, lots of veiled implications here. Mysterious bags too. I was hoping someone climbing around the train high jink would happen. So yay! Add in a nice high drop to spice things up. And voila, instant death trap.
I like how things "look". but don't explain what happened. I assumed it was all too subtle for an official kill, IMO. All this gives the next bloke lots of potential to tinker with. Nice work.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Ah, sorry about that. Newbitis. Will PM you who is dead.
Well, on one hand, if I is dead, that gives M one big character change motive to not only find his killer, but use that pistol he gave her. If he's not dead, I'm inclined to think he set up the look of the room.
I just want to say, Darren, I'm glad with what you did with the use/non use of the cell phone. I was actually thinking about using a cell phone in a scene, but I honestly didn't know if it would work on a train or not, and of course, that would depend on the train's location; so I thought, I'll leave it.
I'm trying to get caught up here. Just finished Sandra's post. Did I read this correctly...D, M, and X have a Menage in Sleeper car 6? Or am I merely imagining this?
If they did, what's with the dialogue about "Trick"? Also, why did D sport a "sinister grin"?, and then, M "goes equally evil"?
Did I misread something, or is this all correct?
I'm very confused, BTW...even reading Daz's version with names. I wish Daz chose actual male and female names - Using "Peter" for a female character is tough to visualize...
Doing the best I can. Please let me know about this ASAP, so I can move onto Daz's post and then crank something out myself.
I'm trying to get caught up here. Just finished Sandra's post. Did I read this correctly...D, M, and X have a Menage in Sleeper car 6? Or am I merely imagining this?
If they did, what's with the dialogue about "Trick"? Also, why did D sport a "sinister grin"?, and then, M "goes equally evil"?
Did I misread something, or is this all correct?
I'm very confused, BTW...even reading Daz's version with names. I wish Daz chose actual male and female names - Using "Peter" for a female character is tough to visualize...
Doing the best I can. Please let me know about this ASAP, so I can move onto Daz's post and then crank something out myself.
Thanks.
Jeff,
In my post, X might have wanted that, yes, but I didn't write it. I did write M using D as ammo (her sex appeal) to pull A away from P because M's mission is to get P hooked back up with her Ex (because her Ex's partner - big business shit is on the decline without his (P's Ex's) savvy and P's Ex is really fucked up, suicidal).
I don't know if it made it into the post, have to re-check, but the question was, A isn't going to want D near him now after she kicked him like that. Is he? Would he? Does she have enough "ammo"? That could really be a good scene if written up.
Anyways, it appears that X, D, and M don't really wanna use a gun. The love I was showing was more warm fuzzies, but girls get that way, bro's don't always take it that way.
I've also alluded to the fact that the camera D has is more than just a camera. That could be cool. And my use of "Trick" is I guess Canadian slang. We say something's "trick", when it's really cool, but I guess you could take it in other ways.
The fly charm was a reference to A, who I thought planted it there with a fresh bottle of wine perhaps? But the wine bottle wasn't shown. Maybe a gift from A, as a reminder of the squashed fly incident? A definite "A" reference.
The fly charm was a reference to A, who I thought planted it there with a fresh bottle of wine perhaps? But the wine bottle wasn't shown. Maybe a gift from A, as a reminder of the squashed fly incident? A definite "A" reference.
Sandra
Hmm, would they have had this on the train though?
We'll wait about an hour to see if we get confirmation that it's his turn. If it is or if an hour expires and no answer then we'll have to assume it is and Zanej is up.
There's a lot to be said about short and sweet; however, I think with your ability, Jeff, you could have supplied more-- thus, it kind of felt like the finger. Or fast food.
We needed U and we also need B. Where is B? And why wasn't the question of who I really is addressed? Q too.
If you were short on words, I could have loaned you some. Hey, I even had a costume ball goin' on so that U could keep everyone happy while the train was stalled. X was done up as a Zombie Cowboy and you were saving P from being tied up in cold storage. So much fun, so little time.
Sorry if my entry was ambiguous, I was leaving it to the writers after me to decide where 'I' went (the river or somewhere else) forgetting the rule about it having to be my kill! oopsie, hope it wasnt too confusing. If anyone was capable of throwing "I" out the window, it would make a bit of a noise I thought lol.
I deliberately wrote in the phone thing because as the bodies pile up, i felt uncomfortable without a maguffin in place to explain why people don't just call the police or whatever. I think U would have covered a lot of bases for his little trip and the killer (if it isnt U...) would also make certain provisions.
I read "warm fuzzies" & "the gun dropping to the floor" as a little oolala for the three in sleeper 6 (hence P hearing... stuff)
Jeff, I know a girl called Peter but not Mike so elected to keep Peter but one vowel different from mike - its not up to me to name other people's characters but I don't mind doing that for you as the entries come in if you like? PM me and i'll do a "find and replace" for everyone lol. (same goes for anyone else).
EDIT...Not sure how that first scene got posted...it's all here now. Sorry about that. Wish I could say I was wasted and fucked up but that's not the case.
Again, my apologies for yesterday's mistake. I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out how that got posted and can't for the life of me, figure it out. Very strange...
Should we delete a bunch of these posts to clean up the thread?
Lotsa thinly veiled innuendo here. Of the plot related and *ahem* entertainment kind. Looks like some situations are coming to a head.
Good call setting up a sitdown with U. Of course, that could be a set up for you/U to ferret out the phantom killer. And, poor little me all alone in the sleeper, oh dear.
E.D.
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Again, my apologies for yesterday's mistake. I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out how that got posted and can't for the life of me, figure it out. Very strange...
Should we delete a bunch of these posts to clean up the thread?
That's much better, Jeff. And to follow up on:
One little phone call... It can make all the difference in the world, like not checking your blind spot, walking on the wrong side of the road, leaving for work too late, posting too soon.
The fact that C is targeted as wanting to take out P is interesting. M sure doesn't want her gone. If she is gone, then her daughter is without a mom and M's business is quite finished on this train, since any chance at reconciliation for P and her husband would need to be settled in the afterlife.
M without P alive will also be as good as dead.
It's good that we see U calling this festive gathering together at this point. I'd like to know how each one betrayed him.
Poor X, he seems to have turned bad all of a sudden. Maybe this crazy alphabet train is possessing them, all of them taking turns on the dark side. It would seem that way, right back to I pulling that knife in the beginning. I'm still wondering who I really was because he wasn't I. I thought, (me, no not Pia ) that he was in cahoots with P's Ex's partner, I wrote it in as a reason for him being on the train.
I'm out working in the field today, but I will check back later.
Maybe the "unintelligible voice" that called U is the actual "I". maybe he somehow got aboard and used the counterfeit I to make sure the coast was clear...which it obviously wasn't.
Pia, your character is a Saint compared to the sex fiend you were in Lake Simply.
That thing totally cracks me up. I've actually gone back and read it a few times and it makes me bust up laughing for days when I do. You were banging pretty much everyone in the script - sometimes, 2 and 3 at a time Too funny!
Thanks for giving Zanej's script the once over this morning. Just breaking for lunch and still more meetings after. I hope they turn the a/c up otherwise I'll be snoozing.
Sandra, you need some picker-uppers or are you good?
Why do my characters always end up n scenes like that? This time I tried to go for a boring camera person.
First, really good post, Zane!
Well, it looks like M had a rough day when Sandra was in the field. I'm actually glad she's dead. She was finished her business on the train and there was nothing left for her to do. She failed I, or should I say, the man who purported to be I, and I don't think she was having much fun without a party; so she's better off where she is.
Well, I'm at least alive. Can someone explain my absence?
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I'm B who was last seen writing and drinking many cokes (the drink).
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
You're in the corridor Gabe. I agree you haven't been used much so far. Maybe that's because people never notice writers.
I thought M was the only one dead...
Yikes. Guess I didn't do that good a job of murdering T then. Or, was he one of those writers too?
I didn't utilize B in mine so he could be a suspect for T's death.
Sorry to see M gone, but she went out doing someone or something she loved.
Good piece, Zane. You lucky bastard, living in Humboldt County. Love the area, have friends I visit regularly in Arcata. Always head over to Eureka and hang at Lost Coast for some brews.
Dug U's line about making it to the final act. Slick. Good on you for mixing some debauchery with your blood!
Regards, E.D.
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I was suggesting someone explain how I'm talking to the other characters. It's like a vanishing act. lol. I now we have new players here but it's kind of funny. lol. One second I'm in my room and then I'm in the corridor.
Ain't that true pia.
The greatest trick the devil ever proved was making the world believe he didn't exist. I will survive this yet. lol.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
@ ED yeah good times at lost coast and six rivers. I'm here another 2 yrs b4 transferring. EDIT: Just re-read T's death idk how I forgot lol. But his body has not been discovered in men's head yet. Someone has to go sometime.
@ Mr. Ripley you got moved at end of dreamscales's by U calling everyone to dining cary. Then u left with E in mine... have to get that script produced... if you survive
First U faceplanted a monitor and now his lair done got vandalized.
Just to be clear, in ZaneJ's entry (before mine) U threw his cane at the monitor, then it was to the next scene. I implied that U accidently (or intentionally?) smashed the monitor as a result. That's also why I also did a variation of a line 'They will pay'.
After posting, I edited it to give one extra line to C so folks are clear that I didn't kill C, but that X has Xs in his eyes.
Hey DJS, were the lines spoken by 'B' meant to be 'Z' in the conversation with 'Y', it looks like B takes over the last few lines? Was this a mistake or am I missing something lol?
Very nicely done, Darren. I figured that X was going to be next.
Re the game:
What I'm starting to wonder is this:
If "I", the real "I", (not the dead "I") is supposed to be the killer, then what is his motive? Since, U is supposed to (by his bio) be the one out for pay-back, wouldn't M, (if her fainting spell had something to do with recognizing him from a previous time of being "the bad guy" (which is all I could discern) wouldn't she have shouted something out to alert everyone? Even if not a sure threat, but a potential one?
Hey DJS, were the lines spoken by 'B' meant to be 'Z' in the conversation with 'Y', it looks like B takes over the last few lines? Was this a mistake or am I missing something lol?
It was a bit confusing as to who's who and who was where. I made a simple edit for clarity. It was, in fact Z. The revision makes more sense ("You want to come down to cold storage?") since Z is in the next scene and Y is not. (Y passes the offer). The idea I was planting was to have suspicion on both Y and Z.
@Sandra I figured since we can't see the killer kill, I deduced that the next vic would die of food poisioning, and if they had a "history" of substance abuse that increased the risk.
"I" isn't there/been seen on the train for some time. The killer, I thought, would divert attention away from himself/herself by pointing the finger to someone nobody can account for. ..even though "we" know I is DOA
Good work Rene. Though watch your slugs - I had a difficult time deciding where everyone is. Didn't really notice it until I tried to update the drawing, sorry. Hope I got it right.
Mr. Ripley is up next. The last turn of the first round. We're halfway through.
Good work Rene. Though watch your slugs - I had a difficult time deciding where everyone is. Didn't really notice it until I tried to update the drawing, sorry. Hope I got it right.
Mr. Ripley is up next. The last turn of the first round. We're halfway through.
Sorry, thought they were clear enough. The placement looks right.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Sorry, thought they were clear enough. The placement looks right.
I liked your post Rene. Especially ending it with the train going out of control. I think you moved it around well; so fast that I think you forgot to switch slugs a couple times.
Here's one: (the door to sleeper 2 opens... but we're in Sleeper 3)
SLEEPER 3
C sits crouched on the bed, clutching his bag to his chest.
C Get away from me!
Z reaches into his jacket and pulls out a Beretta 9mm. He points it at C.
The door to Sleeper 2 opens and Y steps out, rubbing his head. Z steps back and trains the gun on him.
It all reads very quick and so I get that sense of action that I think you were going for, really picking up the tempo. I can imagine having lots more vivid imagery with this. Very good.
Ah, I see what you mean, Sandra. I meant for the events to be viewed from the corridor, not actually enter into the sleepers, but I guess I got caught up in the tempo. I'll check that next round.
I meant for the events to be viewed from the corridor, not actually enter into the sleepers, but I guess I got caught up in the tempo.
This is an interesting issue and one that comes up for debate quiet a bit. It's something I talk about at length with several writers in SS, quite frequently.
IMO, when you write action that does not take place within the Slug you set, you're making a mistake, attempting to "direct the shot", and opening yourself up for confusion on the part of your readers.
A classic example involves cars, and action taking place both within the auto and outside of it (where the camera can film from inside or outside the car). Obviously, we're not dealing with a car scene here, but it's still the same concept - a hallway outside a room - meaning the camera can be either inside the room or out in the hallway.
But, again, to keep things as crystal clear as possible and to stay away from playing director, just write the action within wherever it takes place. No one's ever going to be confused or bring it up, but if you attempt to write it other ways, you're just opening yourself up for problems.
Quite a fitting demise for our intrepid shutterbug. I too, had some slug confusion, but appreciated the uptick in tempo. And a fine capper to sign off with.
Nicely done, Rene!
E.D.
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Re the corridor thing, can't that issue be resolved by writing in something like 'from the corridor...'? Hmm, although I guess you would need someone actually *in* the corridor, otherwise you'll have a 'we see' going on.
Yes, you can write action away from the actual Slug like that, and it's perfectly fine. It's a way of directing without using "direction". But, if you don't do it this way, it is incorrect, going back to what I said, why not just keep it easy and stay away from confusion and potential problems?
It wasn't that it was that difficult to read as it is - your mind allows for a bit of fuzziness when you read. It was when I tried to actually represent it in the drawing that I ran into problems. This could, of course, be because in order to decide who's where - I read the script backwards.
I don't read the new scenes unless I have my list of who is who with me and it's at home. I don't see my character D on the updated list, so I guess I've died.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
You got things taken care of Gabe? I wouldn't mind seeing what you wrote too because I have to take the next turn and it would give me a good head start.
You just wait, Mr. razzy nazzy. I know what kulanu yachad means.
I think Gabe's off line right now. Nothing sent. I'm drinking shiraz and after that, I think I'm just going into Shabbat mode; so no worries. Minyana (tomorrow). How do you write that in Italian? back at ya.
Thanks for the offer but I sent it to Michael so he can have a head start. Hope my entry is good and appealing enough.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
You could have sent it to Sandra as well, Gabe. More feedback is good and I've been providing too much of it this game. Rely on your fellow player, make some script buddies.
Things I've noticed that are common problems:
- Don't try to do too much in your scene. It's fine if you just advance one or two characters.
- Try not to have everyone in the same room. Stripping away the names and using just letters proves how confusing that really is.
- Another thing that came out from stripping the names is that people refer to other characters by name in dialog far to much. Most of the time you don't need it. It sounds really silly when your using the letter - but it's probably just as silly when you're using a name.
- A lot of people, not everyone, need to work on their characters voice in their dialogue, or just dialogue in general.
But it's great that everyone has hung in so far - I'm really proud of you all. Only one more turn for everyone to go. Then a third turn for the author elected the master killer by vote, just to sum the story up.
I get a resurrection rather than a kill on my turn, so one character is coming back to life. Any suggestions for who that should be and why? PM me about them.
Ok. My turn is all ready for when Ripley posts his. Hopefully Ripley doesn't change things too much from the version he sent to me. I'm not sure what to say about what I wrote except maybe that I guarantee you'll be surprised.
Sounds good to me so need an explaination... at the end do we vote on who wrote the best kill and they become the master killer? Or is their a designated person as tje killer?
At the end there will be two characters that are not dead - if I counted right at least. You will vote on those two characters. You will pick which is the killer. The killer will then end it. It can end with the killer dying or with the last survivor dying - it's up to the master killer which ending will happen.
Oh, I was thinking of going alphabetically by the letter you chose (not counting U). I figured that would be the fairest way to do it. So Jeff would go first and Zane would go last. If anyone has a different suggestion, you're welcome to make it.
- Try not to have everyone in the same room. Stripping away the names and using just letters proves how confusing that really is.
- Another thing that came out from stripping the names is that people refer to other characters by name in dialog far to much. Most of the time you don't need it. It sounds really silly when your using the letter - but it's probably just as silly when you're using a name.
I felt the same way, hence the approach I took to my dialogue. Frankly, I was relieved that folks didn't reject my comedic approach to my contribution.
BTW, has the Master Killer already been "chosen"? If not, when does that move happen?
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Posted it. I'm not taking a kill for everyone's info.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I didn't want to complicate things so I made it short, simple and too the point. Z has the gun and is in control or is he?
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I'm just gonna shoot everyone so I can live also I think at the end U's line why did you bring us here should be Z saying to U unless I mixed something up
I was thinking of putting that "going through the tunnel" idea but decided to not do it. Glad to see it used. And thank God we can use our names. Lol.
I tried to keep the story flowing. Maybe the next entry I can write something longer.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I loved the move with Z pushing for the reveal of what was going on. We got that. And then, we learn U was apparently cheated left right and center. It definitely would make for a good point on a rewrite: Showing these people all being less than honorable in their dealings with him.
You know, I have to admit, going to names threw me for a loop. I was already getting a good feel for the letters.
It's interesting seeing M alive again. I'd like to see her save P before she's killed off again, but I don't think that's going to happen.
OK, posted. Had some things going on, so I'm not going to say this is my best work, but hopefully it will suffice and and add a new possibility of who's behind this all.
what's a s.m.a.t.? I'm going to try my best to make this interesting.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I know it's supposed to be in "good fun", but, since we got to author's names, it feels just a tad bit more dirty w/ Jeff's post. (Nice horror style kill though, I'll give him that) So I am now in a debate. I could, when it is my turn, get really nasty, so damn brutal that would make Eli Roth squirm or go hobo and ditch the train...
Yay for the classic utilitarian tool death scene. An 80's tradition. If Cold Storage is a rockin', don't come a knockin', unless you're the killer. Never pays to have sex in a horror movie, for long! Bringing back the old faithful rules is a good call.
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Sorry guys and gals. Hope no one is offended. Just kidding around and thought I'd bring back a little flair from the Lake Simply Killer game (those who didn't participate or read it, probably don;t understand what I'm talking about).
Sorry guys and gals. Hope no one is offended. Just kidding around and thought I'd bring back a little flair from the Lake Simply Killer game (those who didn't participate or read it, probably don;t understand what I'm talking about).
This is a game; so who's to argue someone wanting to have some fun.
I think of the remaining cast, one by the name of E is of particular interest. He arrived rather late and early upon the train, came with a lot of luggage. I wonder what all was carrying?
To the Dearly Departed aboard this train I'm thinking, "Hold onto love..."
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I think of the remaining cast, one by the name of E is of particular interest. He arrived rather late and early upon the train, came with a lot of luggage. I wonder what all was carrying?
Sandra
I never travel without several thousand of them. It's part of a marketing contract with the company. Wet Naps appear in all my productions.
E.(D.)
Gabe,
Slide your entry my way if you still need a read.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Hope it's satisfactory. Thanks Brett and DarrenJames. I made a bit more revisions on it before posting it.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Everything is updated. Hope I got that right - the corridor scene was very confusing. Also fix your character slugs, Gabe, they shouldn't be lower case. But overall good job.
Up next is darrenjames and he's already used his kill.
I think this post had some quality attributes. I liked how Gabe says, "Give me the gun?" in interrogative.
I think you could have seized an opportunity here rather than have Jeff just hand it over like that. I could definitely imagine Jeff admiring the gun, playing with it as it were... Playing with a loaded gun? Yes, I think it would be his style in this script; so yes there's that.
The feeling I got from this was it tended to be a little bit too staccato. That's not always a bad thing, but perhaps you could have switched it up a bit.
I have some confusion over Darren and Seeley. Yes, I'm the weird one who could actually discern the letters because I did study the sheet that Michael provided.
I got the impression that C=darrenjames and he locked himself in sleeper 3. While Seeley(or Darren S as I called him)=DarrenJamesSeeley and he was in cold storage Tomahawked. Is that correct?
Darren S wasn't hit with an actual "tomahawk". It's a railroad tool, called a "Big STIK Tomahawk". See picture below. You may want to revise the post with the actual tool's name.
Darrenjames - C locked himself in the room. He has a gunshot wound.
DarrenJamesSeeley - Y is dead in the storage. I decided to kill him since Jeff injured him in the previous post. The mysterious killer likes to finish things.
I went back and revised the tomahawk and fixed the character slugs.
In regards to the confusion, sorry about that. I wanted some movement and also further some story lines.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Darrenjames - C is locked in the room. He has a gunshot wound.
DarrenJamesSeeley - Y is dead in the storage. I decided to kill him since Jeff injured him in the previous post. The mysterious killer likes to finish things.
Ok, I know "Y". I actually don't have him on the front sheet right now for some reason, but I picked up on him easily because of solid writing with his fx work in the game.
What happened to the chef? I remember him being there as npc
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I feel like I'm not really part of this. My character is dead and I haven't written anything since the beginning.
I'm dead, too. There's a fly charm floating in a cup somewhere and I still don't have a handle on Darren and Darren; so don't feel bad. All M cared about was completing her mission to save P. Can she do it beyond the grave or "cold storage"?
... and that follows on Jeff's post. Poor Sandra and Pia. We're in the middle of a bunch of "guy-think". Here I am, trying to save "P" from getting into a relationship with "A", get back together with her Ex, by using the armour of "D", and well...
Hey, "X" is "X"...
Whatchya gonna do? He comes 'round and yada-yada-yada...
He's very cute and attractive though. I have to admit. I do have this "thing" for him-- even in all his uncouthedness.
Really nice job of pulling a lot together here. I'm going to read your post again to make sense of it all.
Who is Darren's daughter?
Thanks a bunch. Excellent work.
Sandra
Cheers.
The daughter is the girl killed on set in Electric Dreamer's (Brett) back story. I pulled on that thread for C.
I got a bit lost on some of the previous plots involving the menage and fly charm and stuff so went with some of the other established threads after the camera was wiped.
The daughter is the girl killed on set in Electric Dreamer's (Brett) back story. I pulled on that thread for C.
I got a bit lost on some of the previous plots involving the menage and fly charm and stuff so went with some of the other established threads after the camera was wiped.
Really good job, Darren. I just really need to get "a feel" for who I "almost" had sex with in cold storage. I feel like such a whore!
There's been some really darn good work from Darren in the last post. One thing I would ask from everyone, though is:
Can't we have more character work?
It feels like everything is driven by "utensils used in killing" and "sex" and "I dun even know what the hell"...
You guys are smart and I know that. I'd like to see more out of you. I think you are capable of more, but I feel like you are "skating over the surface". (Due to your talents).
For instance: I saw three gentlemen in the last segment who apparently worked together, but I saw that:
They didn't really collaborate. (If they had, then some of the troubles would have been caught by one, I think).
Guys, you have to collaborate more.
Anyways, I want to lighten the mood. I've been working ESL today and I incorporate my Hebrew into studies; so here's some fun to hopefully make you forget your troubles in life and on this bloomin' train.
Collaborate? This is a collaboration in which each individual writer, on their turn, gets to write whatever they want to and take the story and plot wherever they want to take it.
We can make a challenge for whoever is up next. We can clean up a plot point. We can bring in a new element, or work on an old one.
IMO, when you say we need to work more on character, it makes no sense, because one thing we do know is that we each get 2 turns, and we each get 1 kill...then, we're done and the story is also done.
The setup itself isn't something that really asks for all that much. I mean, we know everyone will die and we know there will be strong posts and weak posts. I for one try to infuse a little of everything I think an exercise like this needs - some humor, some surprises, some real speak, and of course, some violence and sex.
You're asking for way too much and even attempting to put too much into this with your posts and crazy back stories, characters that won't ever see a single second of screen time, and angles no one but you know anything about. A huge collaboration like this can't work like that...ever. You go with the flow and hope you can infuse a little of yourself.
The daughter is the girl killed on set in Electric Dreamer's (Brett) back story. I pulled on that thread for C.
I got a bit lost on some of the previous plots involving the menage and fly charm and stuff so went with some of the other established threads after the camera was wiped.
Hey Darren,
Very nicely done, you brought a lot of threads to bare. We've had our sexy fun, now it's time for some explosives! I'm glad someone decided to use my backstory. It would've been uber cheesy for me to write it in there!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Everyone pulled on different stories and opened up various cans of worms for us to expand on or ignore lol. I left the contents of the bag ambiguous but no one took the bait so took the initiative on my last turn and put a good old fashioned bomb inside.
There was plenty of back stories to choose from (the diamond heist was tempting - the bag was going to have the diamonds in it) but I've always loved a good revenge story which runs parallel with why Michael got us all on this damned train! I hope the next writer doesn't mind the bomb thing to work with, didn't want to paint them into a corner (or they could just skip over it)
It's my first collab/killer game and expected lots and lots of tangents as writers bring in little through lines and tid bits of plot based on each indivdual's preferences so its been fun seeing who grabbed what (so to speak) and what themes were explored and hinted at. I got lost on some of it - the love triangle and who hired who for example - but really getting a sense of paranoia from the resulting script.
It's going to be interesting on how we decide who the killer is (and how he/she did it all).
I think we've been doing good so far. Alot of the characters has progressed. The problem will probably be explaining the deaths but like the movie Clue we've all killed someone.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
I should have mine posted tomorrow morning. I don't think you'll like it. It will be in a "Pia's world" kind of thing.
Yikes. Perfect timing. I've got Phil & Janet in town for the weekend on business. My Friday has been gobbled up by industry stuff.
Pia, would you mind sending your entry to me before its posted? Could help give me the edge I need to get this done on Thursday. Or. Can the Powers that Be delay my turn until next week?
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Can the Powers that Be delay my turn until next week?
E.D.
Ok. It makes sense to put I before E but only because you're following D. Very appropriate for the game and should put you at very early next week. If it still isn't the right day then for only ten cents we can we can stick you after M.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Very nicely done, Pia. Here I definitely see character. You did a wonderful job of picking up on what a SEAL would or wouldn't behave like and showing Rebbeca's determination is really very strong work here.
Great stuff, Rebekah to the rescue, sort the posturing guys out! (the bomb was remote not timed btw - the red trigger thing) I remember having pity on "T" being killed on the toilet, but being bogwashed to death!? This is going to be tricky - who killed C when all the survivors were apparently together? One suspects SFX trickery, or smoke and mirrors in play here... Now where did I put my deerstalker?
Very nicely done, I. For Intriguing... A brief case of cash huh? Wella wella. And the code for opening the brief case started with 9? And it's conveniently written down on the notepad? Three numbers that could easily be remembered? I think it might be rather trap like.
Well, that's the thing. I (get it? Ha ha funny...) thought she was great and would probably do a good job, but the macho asshole-dom was bound to take over in really short order.
I would say approx 30 mph so roughly 2 hrs remaining till arrival in union station
Thank you so very much, Zane. I'm working very hard with your character by the way, as well as others including my very loved "E". I'm having a hard time because I actually did get used to the letters and some I could interchange readily, but a few gave me the shift.
So yes, I'm working very hard. Whoever wants to help me, just let me know and tomorrow I'll send you what I've got. I truly believe it really works and I'd love for fresh eyes to see what might not be evident or clear enough. I'm very excited about the studies I've done on this script, what I've learned, and the whole thing in general.
You can send it over to me for a read b4 posting id you want. The end is coming like the way it worked with people dying leaving 1 person to sleeper car no one can monitor adother.
I'd be completely open to reading whatever you send, Sandra. That is, if whatever you've done is sent within the next hour or so. Time restrictions... =(
If not, I'll read it along with everyone else as the game nears its conclusion. *cue dramatic music*
I'd be completely open to reading whatever you send, Sandra. That is, if whatever you've done is sent within the next hour or so. Time restrictions... =(
If not, I'll read it along with everyone else as the game nears its conclusion. *cue dramatic music*
I will send it over. Please make whatever cuts you know are needed.
There aren't likely to be many. You and I have very different styles of writing, Sandra. But, I'll be happy to help where I can.
And, Darren, you wrote the scene so you know best. I always figured that I could kill anybody so I must've been rushed, tossed out of the train, then the stuff got ransacked with the free time. Crazy thoughts. And, a line from 'The Usual Suspects' keeps coming to mind, "But you didn't see him die." =)
There aren't likely to be many. You and I have very different styles of writing, Sandra. But, I'll be happy to help where I can.
And, Darren, you wrote the scene so you know best. I always figured that I could kill anybody so I must've been rushed, tossed out of the train, then the stuff got ransacked with the free time. Crazy thoughts. And, a line from 'The Usual Suspects' keeps coming to mind, "But you didn't see him die." =)
Thank you so much! I didn't even expect to hear from anyone tonight. It's in very rough shape right now, but I need a pair of fresh eyes. I spent a lot of time studying the script last night and wanted to try and balance character, intrigue, yes ...and fun and especially logic with why this was taking place.
I'd like to see the train in serious danger before we enter the next scene-- where if it doesn't stop, the Third Party wins so to speak.
Just a heads up, Sandra. You explained your intentions in the E-mail, but you didn't actually send your scene. That is, unless you sent it separately or are waiting. But, whenever you send it, you're welcome. =)
Just a heads up, Sandra. You explained your intentions in the E-mail, but you didn't actually send your scene. That is, unless you sent it separately or are waiting. But, whenever you send it, you're welcome. =)
The ever present, "forget to attach document". I'm on it for correction. Sandra!
I'd like to see the train in serious danger before we enter the next scene.
Sandra
I had the same thought with the bomb, up the stakes!
Mr. Blonde - I left it ambiguous but personally, figured that "I" being a capable hitman would have definitely gave a good fight, hence Rebekah hearing banging and smashing and mistaking it for some rough sex! "I" was scrapping, Jason Bourne style, I figured the killer would want to do away with his/her biggest threat, the one with more information than everyone else. Unfortunately, "I" lost and went out the window (pending any resurection - as you said, no one SAW him go out, maybe he'll rush in at the last minute and rescue everyone!)
The bomb was certainly an interesting spin. And, at the last minute, boom! Imagine if they hadn't made it, though? We're all dead. =)
Hell no. I could quotes movies all day to explain. I'm happy he bit it because he's a gun person. Usually those types are that way because they can't fight to (yes, this is a pun) save their lives.
But, I believe Ivan Drago said it best, "If he dies, he dies."
Wanna start a bet on who the Master Killer is...? =)
I don't mean to sow discontent, just voicing my opinion.
You can see what happens when someone or a number of people decide to take things away from the intended path. And it's definitely each person's right to go wherever they want to, but this is usually the result when this takes place.
Not unless she's E-mailed or PM'ed somebody or something. Technically, the story can still be rolled with, but the biggest issue I saw that adding in the next character and the new train car which we hadn't seen through the course of the story yet.
The technology-ness stuff can be worked with in some way, I think. Although it's not fair for me to say as I've already done both my sections, so who knows?
I don't mind the content. However, I mind that she broke the basic rules of the game. I would be more forgiving if this was the first time this has happened with Sandra - but it's not. She knows better.
Jeez, guys...here I am slacking on the boards, yet somehow I've been pretty busy on this train! :p
I am liking some of the twists that have come out, though I'm with you guys on Sandra's post - inventive, certainly, but a bit out there for the story IMHO.
Anyway, I'm starting to brew some ideas for my turn, depending on what happens between now and then
On a completely OT note, I'm hoping to finish the first draft of my feature this week!! Fuh-reaking excited!
Hehe, if it makes you feel any better, this project has been ongoing for nearly a year now. Nothing hate-worthy about that. I'll take your pity any day tho;)
PM me if you wanna do a page race, tho - I could really use the motivation (I've been 'nearly finished' with this thing for weeks now and can't seem to get the last sequence done).
I don't mind the content. However, I mind that she broke the basic rules of the game. I would be more forgiving if this was the first time this has happened with Sandra - but it's not. She knows better.
I worked extremely hard on this last post. If you knew how many hours I put in, well...
I think I deserve to know what rules I have broken and I had checked in with Sean first. He checked my post. And even after that, I further edited.
I feel very bad. Extremely weak. And no, I don't know better. I've not taken any classes. I read books and live life. I'm only a movie watcher at the movies on the big screen-- for special occasions.
I will not be partaking in anymore games on Simplyscripts because this proves to me: It's not a game. If you're not up to par, then you shouldn't participate.
With that, I express my sorrow. I really did try my best. If you want to do me any good, then please tell me what I really did wrong.
You have sincerely killed my urge to write further. I really feel hurt, spent and uninspired. Really. I guess I'm not cut out to be a writer.
1. No characters unless they are on the list. 2. You should not be able to see the killer.
Sandra, honestly, we've been through this before with other games. There's very few rules - I have every right to insist that the few there are get followed. I'm sorry if you feel hurt by that.
Ok. Will accept the kill, if you get rid of the excess characters. It's not fair to others if I allow you to add characters and they can't. Fair?
I would have been happy to kill huge amounts. I wrote that for Sean and I know he was spent. I would have sent it on to every single player in the game to cut, but this is not how this game wanted to proceed.
I'm not protective of my post. Like WTF? It's not engraved on stone tablets. Why not just erase it. Say Sandra's feeble. Can't write worth a damn. And give the turn over to someone else. (Sorry, but that also implicates the partner writer. Ach but I'd so be happy to be "implicated" with him )
I know that I had good intentions, did the best I possibly could.
There's a lot of tear down here and I sincerely feel it's not warranted.
I'm not saying you can't write, Sandra - no one is. I'm saying you have a hard time following rules.
You've sent me a PM that you would rather have the whole thing deleted rather than make the few changes I suggested - to get rid of the additional characters only.
I'm not saying you can't write, Sandra - no one is. I'm saying you have a hard time following rules.
You've sent me a PM that you would rather have the whole thing deleted rather than make the few changes I suggested - to get rid of the additional characters only.
Are you certain you want it deleted?
I am certainly more than certain, Michael. You know me. DELETE.
Sandra - don't know you that well yet but I love your writing, so unique, flavoured and blatantly from the heart. Just because a few things were picked up about the game rules, please don't translate that as a blanket statement about your proper work.
Hugs.
On a different note, I felt obliged to write about my character on my turn, but with hind sight, I think the game becomes more fun when your chracter is killed you can f*ck about with the others bwahahaha, dance my puppets dance!
I for one enjoyed what others did with poor Chuckie Saturn - his demise was typical of his life and career - flushed down the toilet, the poor bugger.
I am certainly more than certain, Michael. You know me. DELETE.
Sandra
And just think, he brung you back so Jeff can write us doin' the Hokey Pokey and some crazed killer knocking us us off in a pile of dead people. I almost thought about jumping the train too, but I said to myself I can play by rules and I can get more nasty.
You don't have to put a lot of work into these things.
I had a habit of confusing people but I continued on writing and look at me now. I have a couple of shorts that make sense and I'm writing my first feature, hopefully understandable.
I quit the OWC so I can focus on features and because I sucked at it . lol. Nothing to take personally. There will be things that a person's going to suck at. Either improve it by writing more or work on other possible strengths.
This is a game and a practice for screenwriting.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Hi Sandra I hope you don't actually let this keep you from writing. I don't think anyone meant to upset you or anything. Your passion is pretty remarkable, I think, and certainly not something to quash, especially over a game where none of us really knows what's going on anyway:p
Keep going, girl. And if any of us upset you in any way, say screw that and come back harder than ever;)
Sandra, I hope my words aren't what set you off and got you talking so negatively. As I said in my PM, it sure wasn't my intent.
IMO, one shouldn't invest "alot" of time in these sorts of things. The effect tends to be over thinking, and then overwriting, as well.
There's definitely a truth to the old saying, "Keep it simple".
I for one love your creativity and passion for both writing and reading. You delve into scripts deeper than anyone I know. That is a true gift and you need to understand that.
I usually kill my character off in the first entry. I don't think it's any less fun to use other people's characters. That's a big part of collaboration - being able to work with other people's ideas.
Your turn is only three away, Usual. You still have a kill. You'll have plenty of fun. Probably take your revenge on me.
I usually kill my character off in the first entry. I don't think it's any less fun to use other people's characters. That's a big part of collaboration - being able to work with other people's ideas.
Your turn is only three away, Usual. You still have a kill. You'll have plenty of fun. Probably take your revenge on me.
This is my first Killer game, I honestly never thought of taking myself out. I thought the objective was to cast dispersions on yourself to stay alive. So, I used my kill to frame my character, the tidiness and the toilet flush, etc. I didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun. Someone had to go first.
Obviously, I missed a lot since Friday. But, are people actually getting upset about the game? Well, no hard feelings here if I get "payback killed". I thought I was participating in the spirit of the rules.
E.D.
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That was nice piece of revenge you hung on my character background! Yay, a bomb. Cross that off the murder mystery laundry list. Nice work.
E.D.
Ha ha thanks for giving a lovely little thread to pull on with the mysterious death on set! It was either that or the diamond heist thing (forget the character now)
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
That's a damn shame. My number one choice for the MK was just taken out... by an overpass? Lol.
Sorry, Gabe.
Overall, not too shabby, Brett. A nice, solid entry. =)
-Sean
EDIT: After re-reading it, you've got me curious as to who moved Jeff's corpse into the sleeper... That must've been a messy, time-consuming job. The killer's getting sloppy in his old age... *hint hint*
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Awww, come on now, buddy. Where's the love? I did give you lots of jokes and ladders to climb. And, you even caught the killer! But then you lost your head.
EDIT: After re-reading it, you've got me curious as to who moved Jeff's corpse into the sleeper... That must've been a messy, time-consuming job. The killer's getting sloppy in his old age... *hint hint*
*clears his throat* I'm a spry 50. Especially for a producer.
Glad you picked up on the movement and Gabe catching MK "in the act". The frame job might've stuck if Gabe didn't hear those pesky footsteps. Dear old MK has only four schleps left he/she can set up to take the rap.
I liked the idea of a circumstantial murder after catching the killer in the act. I thought it would be a nice reversal for the reader. We know a murder's coming when folks talk to people that aren't described. Giving the victim the drop on MK would be a neat twist, IMO. Then you're thinking, "Well, how is MK gonna get away this time?"
I must also give credit where it's due. I cribbed/modified a death scene from "Narrow Margin". The 1990 murder mystery film that takes place mostly on a train.
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It's coming, guys...it's not as easy now with only 4 people to implicate:p
Er, uh, 5. Sry, even the simplest math is a joke on early Saturday mornings
Good luck, Girlfriend. I still would have much preferred you work from what I had drawn out. Would have been fatabulous, Darling. But who knew that a train couldn't have a FEMALE ATTENDANT. Still think that was a wrong call. And to have a guy die all Star Trekish from an unseen frequency. Hey, too bad so sad.
Anyways, I've been fighting for your character since the beginning. Get those wagons in a circle.
I tried my version of a female "hero" too, but that was shot down as well. At least you know you got Sandra and me behind you. Keeping my fingers crossed!
There was no FEMALE ATTENDANT on the train, Sandra. If there was she would have been mentioned in the list of characters. There was also not a snack kiosk or a voice on the other end of Rebekah's mobile.
There was no FEMALE ATTENDANT on the train, Sandra. If there was she would have been mentioned in the list of characters. There was also not a snack kiosk or a voice on the other end of Rebekah's mobile.
Simple as that.
One thing's for sure, Michael. Just because you failed to notice her, that FEMALE ATTENDANT was there. And, she was critical to the script. In her position, she watched from the sidelines, so unobtrusive that no one noticed-- including you. "U"! So I can't fault you one bit!!!!!!
G-d love you. I really never meant to be any kind of disruption. I really was doing my very best.
You know, Sandra, one of these days I'm going to elect you as keeper of a Killer game and you can see for yourself why people need to follow the simple rules of the game. Or you can let everyone run wild and see what happens then... or rather see what doesn't happen.
You know, Sandra, one of these days I'm going to elect you as keeper of a Killer game and you can see for yourself why people need to follow the simple rules of the game. Or you can let everyone run wild and see what happens then... or rather see what doesn't happen.
No, I know (not really) but I do Michael. Everyone thinks it's easy-peasy until they're in the management position. I don't have the activated DNA working in me to fulfill your position and am happy to at least "try" and abide by the rules that you set. They are good and worthy I know. Still, you know me, I like to try and delve into the questions of what's happening.
Sincerely, I don't mean to cause any disturbance. I think it comes down to the peculiar way that I think of things.
Really really, I know that we can all learn so much by these exercises. Everyone can learn from my big "kabosh" (though unintended). If that helps, though it's humiliating, I have to say that it's a very good thing. And, it's desired by me.
G-d bless and you know I'm a true friend even if I'm off the "normal curve".
Ok. Still haven't heard from Rene. We skip him for now - if we don't hear from him in a couple of days then he'll forfeit the turn. UsualSuspects is up.
Lol. Sorry, need to hurry things along if I don't hear from someone in 24 hours. Good that you made it in the nick of time. Good entry too. That thing with Rebekah was a bit on the wild side. And a nice set up for Usual - if he looks. Very good work, though.
Not only do I NOT get lucky on the Sexpot Express. Now, I'm getting thrown around and I'm Michael's b*itch? And he thinks I'm the master killer after all the pseudo man rape in the hall? Dayum.
I see who's writing next.
*does his best Ricardo Montalban* Revenge is a dish best served cold. And it is VERY COLD....in cold storage.
Suppose I'll save everyone the trouble and go store myself in cold storage now.
E.D.
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Had no real time to write one up, so it's really short and to the point. Like I pointed out earlier, the fun in this for me was gone very fast and this was my first time too. I'm not pissed or anything cause I know someone had to go first.
And then there were three little Indians left. Now, it's an all boys club. Michael and myself seemed pretty innocent of the damsel's demise. Unless....we used a remote gun...OR!....hypnotized Rene! Yeah! That's it!
I was wondering, do the turns continue after the final kill?
Here's a thought. How about we have a SECOND VOTE for the best kill? Nominate your favorite death scene. Could be fun!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I was imagining a CHEF in this also, just as I was a FEMALE ATTENDANT
The Chef and the Female attendant were already dead, chopped up into M&M size peanuts and packed away in suitcases in Warm Storage. Also, it wasn't *just* Swordfish that was being served earlier in the game. It tasted like seafood because it was mixed in with the seafood.. That was what I always thought Sandra
Ok, finished, sent it off for a read, will post it late tonight after i get home from work. It's pretty different, but not weird, hopefully it won't piss anybody off.
Before reading the latest entry, I noticed the little "E" icon was greyed out. Then I read the post and saw that Michael got the axe! I thought I was dead while reading Jordan's script! LOL, nice one Cornie. And Jordon's neat reversal had me convinced there for a moment, to boot!
Should you vote for me as Master Killer, I pledge the following: I'll include a flashback of each and everyone and how they pissed me off.
For instance... That make up dude that touched my chair on set once? Yeah, he had to die. Did you see his enormous dirty hands? He's like a Johnny Bench hobo.
Anyone interested in having a vote for their favorite death too?
Cheers, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Good times, Jordan. I almost wish the post-flashback stuff had gone on a little longer because just a sequence in a dark hallway is always cool. Otherwise, it was good stuff.
Since E.D. has started campaigning, I'll just say if I'm the master killer I pledge to make as much money off of it as I can. A lucrative fourteen-part mini-series deal on HBO. T-shirts that read "I survived the Simply Express". Mouse pads with provocative silhouettes of the ladies. Mugs that read "Simply Express: fastest train to a self-defense plea".
Jordon, I really did appreciate your post. The visuals were wonderful and because I sometimes skim slugs, I missed the part with the real "I" you had as a flashback. I at first thought it was a flash forward. In any case, nicely done.
As far as the master killer goes, it's weird, but I had a dream last night. I don't remember a lot, (maybe I will later) but here it was and it was like a real movie.
There was a shot of Electric Dreamer from the back on the right hand side. He was sitting down, confessing to someone. He was wearing a grey shirt with a bit of a tiny speckled quality to it (I'm not sure of the fabric) but it was really rich looking. His hair was combed neatly, he was in a somber mood, regretting, but in no way tearful.
Based on this dream, I vote E.D. as the Master Killer.
The Chef and the Female attendant were already dead, chopped up into M&M size peanuts and packed away in suitcases in Warm Storage. Also, it wasn't *just* Swordfish that was being served earlier in the game. It tasted like seafood because it was mixed in with the seafood.. That was what I always thought Sandra
Only if your character sprang to life and chomped on Rene's skull. Believe me Sandy... I went easy on you. I almost considered a full on three way necrcophelia S & M ...and feeding one of the deceased a coconut cremed pie, but that was pushing it...
Only if your character sprang to life and chomped on Rene's skull. Believe me Sandy... I went easy on you. I almost considered a full on three way necrcophelia S & M ...and feeding one of the deceased a coconut cremed pie, but that was pushing it...
Funny you should say that, Darren. I did think it was being foreshadowed that she would be "kissed to life" as Snow White. But I quickly shot that down because I knew the rules didn't allow for that. It is an interesting note though, from the perspective of writing it. If that crossed your mind, too. It's a bit of goods.
Good work Zane. I'll update things in the morning because I'm just about to head up to bed.
Congrats on everyone for getting to the end of this killer game - it was a long difficult train trip but we're pulling in the station.
You will know who the Master Killer is when they post the exciting conclusion. He knows who he is. I urge the person who has not been told they are the Master Killer to maintain silence on the subject until the Master Killer posts.
What a surprisingly sedate exchange between those two. You could call it, "My Dinner with Master Killer". I guess the Master Killer is biding his time... OR counting up all the money he's gonna steal!
E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Good work, Zane. Good work everyone. It's been a long ride and we've seen quite the spread.
I've enjoyed seeing a variety of talent on display here: some leaning more toward humorous, others toward the heavy violence and still others, well... you know what inevitably happens in Simply Town. ...it all builds up and gets channeled through Jeff.
Still awaiting the the end. Hope it happens with a nice subtle bang.
As long as whoever the killer is doesn't hang up a pay phone, look up into the sky and fly away while Rage Against the Machine is playing, I think the ending will be good times.
Hell no. It would've been better if he blended in with the crowd on the street and walked away. I mean, how did they miss that opportunity to pay off the scene from earlier when he kept bumping into people? It was perfect but they fucked up and went full retard on the ending.
An excellent ending to what was a fun little game. Thanks Brett, our new Master Killer.
I hope everyone learned something and had fun.
Cheers!
I second the thank you to Brett. Nicely done, my friend. Loved seeing those corpses at the table. Very very fitting.
My biggest joy in all of this was working with the letters. Loved that! But I know I'm the odd one out on that that idea.
My biggest hurt and sadness and it still remains:
Is the fact that my post was rejected. I truly believe that it was more than worthy and really solid. My Female Attendant wasn't any less of a character than the Chef or the Engineer which I also loved.
I wish I could have made Brett's character come to life in a "change" as I had written. It would have been such a blast. And his character deserved it.
Anyways, lots of life in some of these posts that I appreciated. Even if I can't nail 'em, I sure know how ta spot 'em!!! Y'all better be intense and shakin' and all that 'cause if you're not, then you're not doin' your job!!! But those that are, you know who you are. Props and kudos and all that.
NIce work everyone, that was fun - tricky but fun. Loved the little explanations for each character, couldn't have been easy. Also, I haven't checked, but it dawned on me how tricky it would be to write the last entry, especially cos the master killer had to have had an accomplice or other trickery to commit some of the killings. suspension of disbelief is a bigger killer.
argghhh - I was a pervert!!! I well deserved the bog-wash then.
This was fun. The story took a lot of turns as always. Congrats everyone.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Glad folks like the ending. This is my first mass murder.
I thought it would be nice to revisit everyone that played. Even though I knew it would make for a fairly lengthy post.
I was hoping folks would dig all the back stories and bodies in the dining car. Not to mention is was a convenient way to get everyone's corpse some screen time.
Couldn't pass up the chance to throw a few more digs at tinsel town too. And one more over the top jump the shark death spectacle!
Thanks Michael for keeping us all on track. It was a hoot.
Regards, Master Killer.
P.S. Michael, can I please have a Simply Script mug now?
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Now THAT'S how you make an exit! Great job, oh Master Killer.
Flare gun to the face. Holy crap. A flare gun. To the face. Freakin' awesome.
Hey Rene!
I'm relieved to hear that, seriously. I wasn't sure for a while how I wanted it to go while I was writing it. Even when you were sawing through the tape with the shard. No clue. But when the mug joke occurred to me, I knew what had to happen.
I wanted to give you a good exit, since I was writing my own victory. Of course, that victory was hollow with the "loss" of my Simply Scripts mug.
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
I finally got a free moment to read this and thought it was good times, Brett. The flare was a very nice touch and you managed to end it on a comedic note AND without flying into the sky. Good times and congratulations on not dying. =)
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