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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  The Wangs Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 11th, 2018, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Wangs by David Foster - Comedy - A Chinese man has raised two orphans, that decide to finally leave home. 82 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  March 20th, 2018, 3:55pm
revised draft
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HyperMatt
Posted: June 14th, 2018, 5:50am Report to Moderator
Purple



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Hello David,
You should get the title and other script details off the script page and put them on the actual front page on the scirpt.


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HyperMatt
Posted: June 14th, 2018, 6:28am Report to Moderator
Purple



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Some format issues.

The first 2 paragraphs:

A very old, long white haired, Chinese man is sitting in a rocking chair in his garden, puffing on a long stemmed pipe.. He wears a purple colored robe with a yellow hat..He begins to tell the story of "The Wangs" in the year of 1492...


Welcome to my garden..I am "Fung Chucky"..And this is the only true legend of "The Wangs" that you'll ever hear.. Its a big one..So enjoy..

Should be more  something more like this.

FUNG CHUCKY, a very old, long white haired, Chinese man, is puffing in a rocking chair in his garden, puffing on a long stemmed pipe. He wears a purple colored robe with a yellow hat.
                    
FUNG CHUCKY
Welcome to my Garden. I am Fung
Chucky. And this is the only true
Legend of The Wangs that youíll ever
Hear. Itís a big one. So enjoy!

No point repeating information.
Hopefully the script is as intriguing as this storyteller opening.


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