A Play In Progress by Shelagh McKenna - Drama - Charley and her husband Andy are expecting a baby. Both have lovers of their own gender, and the play illustrates the process by which Charley's lover is 'phased out' to make way for a tidy foursome as true love takes second place to the perfect arrangement.  - html format.

I stopped reading at "I wanted to die a thousand deaths when you were sick."

No one talks like that.


Phil

I talk like that. Perhaps I'm the only one.

Shelagh,

Ignore the above. People talk the way people talk. Anyone who says, "nobody talk like that" doesn't have enough friends cause people talk in all sorts of ways.

On top of which, Phil's a hack with a hard on over some third rate Sci-fi contest nobody ever heard of. Read "The Burnout" when you find yourself struggling with insomina.

Write what comes out. When you feel something different, change it later.

I'll give you a read over the next few days.

A very confusing play. I keep mixing up the people due to their names and genders. Charlie female and Mickey male, complex.

Anyway, you seem to have a good dialogue, but it explains too much, the characters all come over as too wise.

It didn't hook me in at all. Just people talking about their drama's. It's a play, you'll need more visual cues.

It's short and at the end, I don't know what the point was you were trying to create. Was it the second last sentence?

Not really my cup of tea, love drama and all. I don't believe it's necessary at all. People bring it upon themselves, they don't get caught in it.

It needs more unique angles, now it's just a bunch of people talking. Confusing.

Quoted from vkonstant, posted November 7th, 2004, 9:39pm at here On top of which, Phil's a hack with a hard on over some third rate Sci-fi contest nobody ever heard of. Read "The Burnout" when you find yourself struggling with insomina.

A third-rate Sci-fi contest that nobody ever heard of?  Or a competition that [/b]you[b] never heard of?  I'm betting on the latter since you wrote: "this is NOT my genre so my opinion is s**t on this."

I don't know why your opinion of my script changed so much.  While were weren't fond of it, what you wrote about it is a far cry from your insomnia crack here.  And you were the only one who did not write a favorable comment on "The Burnout."

Now grow up.


Phil

With all apologies to Shelagh (this is her board),

Grow up?

"I stopped reading at "I wanted to die a thousand deaths when you were sick."
No one talks like that."

That a mature review, buddy? That a mature reader? You hear one line you don't like and your brain shuts off?

With all due respect, my opinion didn't change. I said it was unoriginal nonsense on your board, and I'll reiterate. While I am struggling to absorb all of APIP, at least Shelagh's trying something.

And read your board. Half the comments are yours. A couple people liked it (2 or 3). Cindy seemed most concerned with numbering flashback scenes and the other dude admired the fact you own a copy of final draft. This does not a concensus make.

My point is this - if your ability is so compromised that you read one line that rings wrong and all the synapsis shut down, just read something else and don't "critique". What good does your review do Shelagh?

Hell, for that matter, what good does this crap do Shelagh.

Christ, grow a pair you talentless hack.

Now for Shelagh,

I disagree with the Hypnos - a stage play relies on dialogue, unless its a musical or some Andrew Lloyd Webber monstrosity. He IS right about the names - you need index cards to keep genders straight.

I think my greatest concern is that I didn't quite get "the message", so to speak. I'm not sure what you are TRYING to say, which probably means you need to tighten the plot a bit.

I thank you for such a wonderful response. If I may talk to Phil and V. Konstant in a short while, I'd like to answer Hypnos.

The overexplaining of which you spoke was to prevent confusion, and clearly that did not work for you. The entire play can be redone with genders reversed, but I think that in a stage production there would be no problem identifying Mickey and Charley. There are few visual cues and it is short, that is true. The situation didn't seem to need any more. Mina left the game. Five people wanted her out. These things happen all the time.

The reason I wrote the play is this --that the choice between a tidy situation and true love is a very important one, and for bisexuals it is particularly hard. Charley is trapped, while a straight or gay/lesbian person being fought over would have the power to choose freely. It is through her very love for Mina that Charley is pulled away from her. The second last line is important because Charley is left with something less than true love.

Dear V. Konstant, thank you very much for reading my play. (Your review came in while I was responding to Hypnos.) Regarding the index cards, as I said to Hypnos, they wouldn't be necessary if you saw the characters on stage. Regarding the message of the play, I thought that the irony of Charley's situation was worthy of note, and people should know these things happen.

You're right, of course. But Hynos' pt is, too. Reading is what we do, and I too was a little confused.

You know, I'm ashamed to admit this, but the point you made to Hypnos did make me realize that I was reading this from a typically heterosexual (and American heterosexual POV). In that context, I see what you're doing, but you might want to take into account that most of your readers will be simple minded neanderthals like me.

Just by the way, are you actually Irish or is this your nom de guerre. I ask because I spent ages 1-11 in Enniskillen.

I'm Welsh, thank you. Plus other things. And thank you very much for your comments. I really do appreciate people taking an interest, and I welcome all criticism.

Welsh, huh?

Close. Sorta. Plaid Cymru, at least, I hope?

Absolutely. By the way, I have a screenplay about Cuchulainn at http://www.angelfire.com/home/talespinner7 if anyone is interested.

What do you think I need to explain in this play?

Charley and Andy want each other to sleep with their lovers. Andy is getting what he wants, Charley is not. She puts up with his demands because she wants a child ASAP to play with Mina's.

Mina dealt their relationship a death blow by giving up on foursomes and having a child away from Charley, but she did it from love, to set Charley free. Andy and Emma were invited to scavenge the corpse.

Emma leaves Charley by the same process as Charley left Mina.

Mickey is straight. Charley and Mina should have run off with him, even if he has no money. That's the only option in which people aren't trying to turn other people into what they want.

There's a chain here (Ronnie has a male lover, Tom has a wife, and who knows whom they might have?) It's a mess. People should know that things can get this bad.