Bad News by Jeffrey Walker - Drama - The Lot is cast into the Lap free for all. The air pirate lines it up on a dead mans run obtaining a mystery kingdom by  intrigue, shoot first ask questions later, who done it my office space is gone.  Between a Wall & a Hard Place when the fat lady sings monkey business a  who done it mystery movie about obtaining a kingdom by intrigue w/ eleven  hijackers, two aircraft & the Twin Towers in New York City @ 9/11,  brought to you in part by our Licensees. - html, format

{dead link}

After reading your pitch I am intrigued to see If I can understand the script better than the words you promote it with Jeffrey. I have to confess to not understanding the first few lines at all. I could not obtain the script yet though.

The logline's not the only thing that doesn't make sense. Is this script even finished, Jeffrey?

Here's an excerpt:

4 EXT/INT.    JULIE JONES DOING STUFF

Write a introduction scene w/ Julie Jones @ home on a Saturday AM doing stuff.


5 EXT/INT.    STANLEY DOING STUFF

Write a introduction scene w/ Stanley @ home on a Saturday AM doing stuff.


6 EXT/INT.    MRS CARTER DOING STUFF

Write a introduction scene w/ Mrs Carter @ home on a Saturday AM doing stuff.


7 EXT/INT.    DEBBIE DOING STUFF

Write a introduction scene w/ Debbie @ home on a Saturday AM doing stuff.


I'm not sure why you're putting this up for review when the majority of the opening scenes haven't even been written.

This script is nowhere near complete or ready to be posted.

And, to be honest, from what I viewed of your process, it’s no way to write a script.

This is really just a scene list. Though that’s a good place to start, I’m concerned about your scene planning. Here’s an example:


4 EXT/INT. JULIE JONES DOING STUFF

Write a introduction scene w/ Julie Jones @ home on a Saturday AM doing stuff.


This is no way to construct a scene. You should never write a scene just arbitrarily showing people doing stuff. It should have some relevance to the story.

A scene description should name the plot points that need to be conveyed in that scene - pivotal things that need to be said, done, or made clear with respect to the plot as a whole. What’s the point of the scene? It can’t be just to show a character doing stuff. That’s a waste of time.

To introduce Julie should not be the main purpose of a scene.

It sounds as though the plot just isn’t tight enough at this point. You need to work out what each scene’s purpose to the plot is. Once you have the relevance of each scene, scene for scene, then write the scenes.

Then rewrite again and again until you’re sick of it. Then leave it alone until you can come back to it with a renewed sense of purpose.

Then proofread, proofread, proofread. Then proofread again. And again. And again. Until you’re sick of proofreading. Then proofread again. Until you feel like you’re going to throw up. Until you’re crouched down in a corner running your fingers madly through your hair and wondering if you aren’t losing grip with reality. Then proofread again.

Then post it. Then get killer suggestions from some awesome writers.

Then rewrite again.

Then proofread.

Repeat until you go insane or abandon it.

That’s how you write a script.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson Then rewrite again and again until you’re sick of it. Then leave it alone until you can come back to it with a renewed sense of purpose. Then proofread, proofread, proofread. Then proofread again. And again. And again. Until you’re sick of proofreading. Then proofread again. Until you feel like you’re going to throw up. Until you’re crouched down in a corner running your fingers madly through your hair and wondering if you aren’t losing grip with reality. Then proofread again. Then post it. Then get killer suggestions from some awesome writers. Then rewrite again. Then proofread. Repeat until you go insane or abandon it. That’s how you write a script.

Hehe - I imagined you to be this kind of writer, pulling your hair out and stuff... Lol...

You can definately tell you're a writer, you're description of the process is like an experience of horror..

Well done, I enjoyed reading this...

This is not a screenplay.  But it is a good way of outlining one - you know what' s going to happen under each of those sketching scene headings..  I'm actually going to try your method of the "outline-cum-retarded screenplay".  Take no offense to that name.

Here's an example of a better way to outline

http://www.scriptsales.com/StepOutline.html

As Breanne says, the purpose of your scene should never be as simple as "character doing stuff" by way of introduction. Every scene should move the story forward.

But Doctor, are each of those 1) 2) 3) etc. induvidual scenes or sequences (multiple?)