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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  79 A.D. - Pompeii Moderators: bert
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  Author    79 A.D. - Pompeii  (currently 7149 views)
Don
Posted: January 27th, 2007, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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79 A.D. - Pompeii by Michel J. Duthin - Drama, History - Nautius, captain of the Roman fleet comes back to Pompeii, his birth town after a brilliant career on sea. He brings with him Nikias a Greek man who saved his life during a pirate battle. In town Nautius meets Sila who was a little girl when he left her and who became a lovely young woman. Nikias and him fall in love with her. But Sila is promised to another man, Livius who was Nautius' best friend when they were kids. Livius has become one of the most powerful men in town. Jealousy makes its way between Livius and Nautius. But the Vesuvius is slyly rehearsing his famous show... 134 pages - pdf, format


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Ayham
Posted: January 27th, 2007, 11:01pm Report to Moderator
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Michel,

It appears that NAUTIUS, SILA, LIVIUS are you main characters in the story but I'm surprised that you introduced them in the first few scenes as in a book, not a screenplay. And all this came in a Flashback, and then you quickly move forward until NAUTIUS is now 30. How are we supposed to know who is who?

I really think you should get rid of the FLASHBACK in your opening scene headings and make those actual present time scenes and establish the relationships between your main characters when they were young, with actual dialogue, and introduction to their names and who they are, you know what I mean?  Kind of set the tone for what's coming after NAUTIUS returns from the war.

You also started the story with "grainy and scratched, Kodak color 8mm" footage. Do you really need to do that? This is a historical story and I don't think a grainy and scratched footage is really needed. You can easily establish to the reader who these kids are and their history together by giving them some dialogue. Also I was looking forward to see some description of the city of Pompeii itself in the beginning of the story, again to set the tone, but I was a bit disappointed not to see any.

I only read the first few pages of your story and wanted to reflect some thoughts on these pages only, but I promise I will finish it soon. All in all good job on finishing this script, historical screenplays are not easy to write and I remember you saying you took a very long time researching this one. So congratulation on finishing it.
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Alex J. Cooper
Posted: January 30th, 2007, 6:12am Report to Moderator
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Michel, I WILL review this, eventually... Sorry for the wait.


Shorts:
I Named Him Thor
Footloose, Cut Loose
Tainted Milk
Marshmallows
Confucius & The Quest For Nessie
Wondrous Presentation
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 30th, 2007, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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So I have this theory, that Pompeii isn't actually Pompeii, that's just a confusion.  Romans wrote everything in capitols, so Pompeiilooked like POMPEII.  They also rarely used spaces in their prose, and had these things called Roman Numerals, so my theory is that POMPEII is actually supposed to be Pompe 2.

It makes sense because Pompe is the guy who saved the romans from the pirates, so if their were two cities named pompe, I wouldn't be surprised.  So now the great mystery is: Where is Pompe I?


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
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michel
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Quoted from Ayham
I really think you should get rid of the FLASHBACK in your opening scene headings and make those actual present time scenes and establish the relationships between your main characters when they were young, with actual dialogue, and introduction to their names and who they are, you know what I mean?  


About the flashback:
1/ You don't need dialogue when you can show on screen the relationship between the characters.
2/ The main meaning of the flashback is that an earthquake occured a few years before Pompeii's total annhilation and this is a scene that announces what is coming further in the story.


Quoted from Ayham
Also I was looking forward to see some description of the city of Pompeii itself in the beginning of the story, again to set the tone, but I was a bit disappointed not to see any.


There is no description in the beginning because it's mainly the children POV. They don't see the town's magnificence the same way Nautius will see it later (then, you have a full description, don't worry). The town is just a playground for the kids.

Hope this explanation will please you

Michel


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michel
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Quoted from Higgonaitor
So I have this theory, that Pompeii isn't actually Pompeii, that's just a confusion.  Romans wrote everything in capitols, so Pompeiilooked like POMPEII.  They also rarely used spaces in their prose, and had these things called Roman Numerals, so my theory is that POMPEII is actually supposed to be Pompe 2.

It makes sense because Pompe is the guy who saved the romans from the pirates, so if their were two cities named pompe, I wouldn't be surprised.  So now the great mystery is: Where is Pompe I?



LOL great theory higgonaitor, but it doesn't go very far. POMPEII is the English form of the Italian name POMPEI. (this is your Pompe I, I guess) English has the pecular way to change the names of the foreigh cities (for example, LYONS in France is only spelled LYON)

Anyway, it was a good laugh.

Michel


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Ayham
Posted: January 31st, 2007, 11:47am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from michel


About the flashback:
1/ You don't need dialogue when you can show on screen the relationship between the characters.

Michel


Michel,

In a normal screenplay setting when you show a couple walking hand in hand then we know they're obviously in love, and we don't need dialogue to show us that. I agree.
But in your story NAUTIUS was 12 and SILA 6 and LIVIUS is 14. That was on page 1, then on page 2 or 3 and after the Long Fade Out NAUTIUS appears commanding a ship and he is now 30. A 12 year old boy looks alot different than a 30 year old man who may have grown a beard and developed muscles or something. So if I was watching your story in a movie theatre how will I be able to tell that this 12 year old is the same person as the 30 year old man? That's why I said maybe the kids should talk to each other a little, call their names out, fight or whatever. You gave / wrote their names and ages in the beginning, but how do you plan to do that on screen?

Obviously the conflict that takes place later on between NAUTIUS and LIVIUS over SILA will be alot more dramatic if we saw those kids as best friends when they were young. But the only clue to their strong friendship was stated in your synopsis only. And again I should say this is based on the first few pages that I read, maybe you elude to that at some point in the story, I don't know. But all I'm saying thus far is that maybe you should utilize that first page or first scene more effectively and show more of the relationship between the kids who will become lovers later on, and not only use it to showthe Earthquake.


Anyways, like I said earlier I really need to read the whole story first before I make any further comments, and I will do that soon I hope.
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michel
Posted: February 1st, 2007, 2:42am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ayham

Anyways, like I said earlier I really need to read the whole story first before I make any further comments, and I will do that soon I hope.


I hope all your answers will be find through the story.

In fact in this prologue, all the story is told:

the love between Sila and Nautius
the conflict between Nautius and Livius
the town's destruction
even the dock hideout used by Nautius later

Think about it when you read the whole script

Michel




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Ayham
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I will do that

I'm just in the middle of writing my own screenplay and will be very hard for me to read a feature length at this time. But I promise I will get to your story as soon as I finish, maybe we'll do an exchange you and I.
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chism
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I know this probably isn't the place for this and you all can feel free to delete this post if you want, but I think it's kind of interesting.

Roman Polanski has just signed on to direct a movie based upon a novel called "Pompeii". It is said to be a dramatic thriller set against the eruption of the volcano. The budget is estimated at $130 000 000. Shooting will begin this summer in Italy. Head on over to http://www.comingsoon.net for more information. It's not really relevant to this script, but I just thought it was cool.


Cheers, Chismeister.
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tonkatough
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Hey michel,

I have started reading your Pompii script. Will send a review as i read more.

I enjoy watching history docos so I am curious to see how much homework you you have done for this script and how accurate to the historical details of this time.

Of the top of my head in the year 79 A.D, the roman empire was at its height of glory. the Egytian empire was starting to collaspe due to interference from the Romans and invasions from Persia. Christiantiy was starting to flare up amongst the population of Rome and about to spread across Eurpoe like wild fire.

or something like that.

look forward for the read.    


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tonkatough
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I am 47 pages into your script. So far so good.

The amount of research you have done for this script is staggering, you really know your stuff. But you don't have to show off. You seem  anal with your historical detail to the point where it is distracting for example you mention the Roman are in a trireme. no one is going to know what is a trieme so why not just call it a Roman war ship. That's what it is and the person reading should have the knowledge to fill in the blanks by imagine Rome in ancient times and visualize the ship. Giving the correct name is annoying and makes me waste time doing a search on wikipedia to find out what the hell you are writing about.

Same again with the gladius then you mention it is a sword. why not just call it is a sword? A gladius means nothing to me cause i am ignorant of what it is. And when you mention sword, because of the location of your story and the setting I am instantly going to imagine a roman sword anyway.

Ohter then that I am enjoying your script. You have set up two story lines and will have to keep reading to see how they will unfold.    


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tonkatough
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   Once the characters are established and the story is off and running, the plot cruises along at a safe speed.  

So Nikius and Nautius are in love with the same women, but they remain jovial and close friends even as they both crave the same woman and know that only one of them can have her. Plus on top of that you have Lavius who is a bastard politician who uses his power and position to get the woman and stomp over everything he regards as a threat.

The first half is a conventional love triangle with a villain thrown in. While reading I couldn’t get the movie Titanic out of my head. You script shares a lot of similarities with that movie. Friendships are made, people fall in love, a jealous villain inflicts conflict. Big disaster overshadows story and threatens everyone.

It is all good, but I felt you could have spiced it up a lot more with conflict and drama. Have the two friends start to hate and fight each other for example.

Why did you choose this type of conventional story? Did you consider other ideas? Did you go for something that was the most marketable?

It is obvious you went to great lengths doing research for your script. You have captured vividly and with authenticity the culture and society of Pompeii in 79 AD right down to the smallest detail. But the story itself seems contemporary and much to Soapie for the topic you have chosen.

It seems logical to me to focus the story on issues and events that where important during 79 AD.  For example the secret community of Christians who are being hunted down and destroyed by the romans. Give them  a burly hero who protects the Christians and helps smuggle them out of the city or something like that.

That would have had much more historical relevance to your subject matter.  



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DDP
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Quoted from tonkatough

You seem  anal with your historical detail to the point where it is distracting for example you mention the Roman are in a trireme. no one is going to know what is a trieme so why not just call it a Roman war ship. That's what it is and the person reading should have the knowledge to fill in the blanks by imagine Rome in ancient times and visualize the ship. Giving the correct name is annoying and makes me waste time doing a search on wikipedia to find out what the hell you are writing about.


I disagree. I didn't know what a "Roman Trireme" was either; however, looking at the context clues in the sentence, I was quickly able to figure it out. The sentence states:

A ROMAN TRIREME skims the sea off over the dark blue
waters, her white square sail swollen by the wind.


What else has a "sail" and "skims the sea" but a ship of some sort? Although I can understand how a script with too many technical terms may become less than fun to read, so far I haven't felt that with this script.
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James McClung
Posted: February 11th, 2007, 2:55am Report to Moderator
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Hey Michel,

Seeing as this is a big one, I figure I'd break my review into parts, to make it easier to swallow...

pg. 2 – You’re giving information here that can’t be shown on screen. How do we know these are “prisoners of war, chosen for their brawn and endurance?” Their nationalities can’t be shown either. I’m not sure they’re even of any consequence. This is a heavy read. If there’s stuff that’s written that can’t be shown, get rid of it. It’s unnecessary bulk.

pg. 3 – “...none of them talk or even sing.” This is also unnecessary bulk. If you don’t say otherwise, it can be assumed that none of them talk or sing. No need to make note of it. If something can be assumed without being written, it should stay that way.

pg. 5 – “Unchain the rowers.”

pg. 6 – “Row well and you will be awarded.” I believe you mean rewarded unless Nautius is going to give them medals for good rowing. Somehow I doubt he would do such a thing.

pg. 13 – No need to put “swords” in parentheses. The word “unsheathe” implies a blade of some sort. Or you could simply say “swords” instead of “gladius.” You seem to be using a lot of large words to describe things. Some words people unfamiliar with history might not know the meaning of. Most of them can be deduced simply by paying attention to the script but if you have any doubt that people won’t know what you’re talking about, I suggest you go with the simpler.

pg. 14 – “Bearded pirate.”

pg. 15 – Lose the parenthetical under NAUTIUS.

pg. 19 – Lose the END OF THE FLASHBACK. The slugline below it already indicates such.

pg. 22 – If Nautius believes Nikias will kill him now that they are even, why does he surrender? It makes more sense for him to take a defensive stance. Of course, Nikias’ response would be the same. I just think Nautius’ passivity rings false. He’s a fighter after all.

pg. 24 – “And with a straight talking, by Jupiter.” I have no idea what Plinius is trying to say. Did Greeks have an accent the Romans didn’t understand? I’d rephrase this.

pg. 33 – “We’ve both dug out the same jewel.”

I think the details of Nautius’ father’s death should be discussed at the tomb rather than immediately after the revelation that he is indeed dead. Nautius is obviously heartbroken. It’d make more sense for the rest of the scene to take place at the tomb when Nautius has been able to calm himself somewhat. You could cut to the tomb as soon as Nautius says “Dead?”

pg. 39 – “They were friends.”

pg. 46 – I believe “chicken” is a modern-day expression

pg. 56 – It rings false that Nautius would back down from accepting Sila’s proposal. I understand Nikias and he go far back but he and Sila go back even further. Just have the woman’s shriek come before Nautius has a chance to respond.

Also, the following phrase can be reworked to read “A MIDDLE-AGED shrieks and gasps as she points in one direction.” Descriptions always read stronger with the absence of “ing” verbs. Look out for other instances of this.

pg. 58 – Romans were all Christians. It doesn’t make sense Livius would refer to them in such a disgusted manner.

More later...

I'm about halfway through the script and I'm still not sure what's going on. You've spent an awfully long time developing your characters, which is good, but at the expense of the story. There's no conflict as of now. I suspect this Livius is meant to be the villain yet I still don't have much of an idea who he is. Then, of course, there's the volcano. Of course, it's going to erupt towards the end but I just don't feel there's the sense of impending doom there should be.

My advice right now would be either to cut down on stuff you don't think you need early on or establish conflict earlier on in the story. I won't hassle you too much about length though. Considering this is a historical epic, I imagine you can take some liberties as far as running time is concerned. Nevertheless, people need to know what's going on early in the story.

I'll keep reading...


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tonkatough
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Oh man I feel like a real prick for doing this, but I just can't resist.  I apologize for doing it.


Quoted Text
pg. 58 – Romans were all Christians. It doesn’t make sense Livius would refer to them in such a disgusted manner.



Yeah you are right James, but in this case Michel is right. The Romans worshiped the same gods as the Greeks did but gave them diffrent names.  It was the slaves and the poor  who adopted christianty first and because the religous concept of one god challanged the Roman religion of lots of gods, christians where considered the enemy and made into lion feed or nailed on a cross. So yeah Livus would of showed contempt to christians.

Michel has done a great job with the research and while on the subject I did like how everytime there was an earth quake or tremor in the story the characters just shrugged it off and blamed the Gods. Makes you wonder if this was the truth. with out any of the science we have today did the locals of Pompeii consider each earthquake as harmless and just the gods being restless.    


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James McClung
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Quoted from tonkatough
Yeah you are right James, but in this case Michel is right. The Romans worshiped the same gods as the Greeks did but gave them diffrent names.  It was the slaves and the poor  who adopted christianty first and because the religous concept of one god challanged the Roman religion of lots of gods, christians where considered the enemy and made into lion feed or nailed on a cross. So yeah Livus would of showed contempt to christians.


Michel certainly does appear to have done his homework. Perhaps I shouldn't have questioned this. I know the Romans had their own gods in B.C. I have to admit I don't know much about Roman culture A.D. Not sure when they decided to swap religions.

Thanks dude. The more you know...


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tonkatough
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Quoted Text
Not sure when they decided to swap religions.


That's the big question that has me stumped as well James. Why did the Romans change religion? But change they did from  Greek influenced religion to the Roman Catholic church that ruled all of Europe with an iron fist.  But that's another story.

I have no idea why, maybe Michel may have an answer if he has stumbled on an answer while doing his research.  


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James McClung
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pg. 77 – It’s not necessary to show Sila and Nautius making love twice. The first time has its purpose but the second does not. It’s just repetitive.

pg. 82 – “In that case...”

pg. 83 – Lose the parenthetical. Everyone knows what rocks are. The mineral itself is of little consequence.

pg. 87 – It rings false that Nautius would be in such a rush that he would neglect Sila’s safety. He loves this woman. I’m sure he would insist upon her joining him to be with his family.

pg. 92 – A section of wall CRUSHES Celatus, not CRASHES.

- I highly doubt a tavern would be operational in such circumstances. Better just to have Nautius enter and take the wine himself from behind the bar. Makes much more sense that way and it’s a simpler solution to Nautius’ thirst.

pg. 104 – “Accosts” is a harsh word. I don’t think it’s the one you want. “Approaches” would work much better.

pg. 108 – “Don’t you dare approach.”

- Why do Nautius and Sila return to Pompeii? It's completely destroyed. I get you want to show she is pregnant but you could just as well show the two of them somewhere else living happily together. A little corny, perhaps, you don't have to do exactly that, but you cut from the two of them walking the blackened beach right back to Pompeii. It feels repetitive.

This was a very strong piece of work. Very different from most epics. This one dealt with characters much more than concepts bigger than the characters such as war, quests for power, nation rivalries, or the fate of mankind (as seen in most epics). I thought it was a much more personalized and original take on the subgenre. Well done.

Nevertheless, I feel this lacked focus and direction. As I said before, it takes too long to arrive at the main conflict of the story. Develop your characters but not at the expense of the plot.

I also felt the second half of the story was pulled in too many directions at once. Characters like Sofia and the gladiators are to minor to garner any major focus and yet they did. These subplots took away from Nautius' story. I felt the same way about the Pinius subplot but that proved to tie into Nautius' fate in the end.

This leads me into a third problem. There were a lot of plotlines throughout the story that didn't get enough attention. Pinius for one. Earlier on in the story, he's not a main character at all but during the second half, his role is expanded considerably. This is no good. You need to develop his character in the first act or so to justify is role in those following. The same goes for Livius. His role was terribly downplayed as is that of Nikias. Nikias is at the forefront of the story early on but seems to be missing in action during the Pompeii pandemonium. I'd sacrifice some of the less important subplots to focus on him and the Christians in hiding, yet another subplot that was downplayed.

Overall, your characters were very strong, the conflict was strong, the action was gripping, and the stakes were high. Yet when all's said and done, I think you blew things up a bit too much while at the same time not giving the stuff with the most importance the attention it deserved. While just about everything else about your script is in place, your story is scattered.

In closing, my advice to you is choose what you feel is the most important about your story and let everything else be. Hope this helps. Good luck with your screenplay.


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frail47
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Quoted from James McClung


Michel certainly does appear to have done his homework. Perhaps I shouldn't have questioned this. I know the Romans had their own gods in B.C. I have to admit I don't know much about Roman culture A.D. Not sure when they decided to swap religions.

Thanks dude. The more you know...




Quoted from tonkatough



That's the big question that has me stumped as well James. Why did the Romans change religion? But change they did from  Greek influenced religion to the Roman Catholic church that ruled all of Europe with an iron fist.  But that's another story.

I have no idea why, maybe Michel may have an answer if he has stumbled on an answer while doing his research.  


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constantine_I_and_Christianity#Constantine.27s_conversion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constantine_I_%28emperor%29
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tonkatough
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Frail47 has been doing a bit of digging around also.

Constantine was the dude that broke away from Rome and started up the city Constantnople.

thanks for the links. God bless the internet.  


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michel
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First of all, thanks to anyone for your reviews. I've been very busy (I still do) and I'm sorry for the delay of my response. There were a lot of underlined points. I chosed the ones where I could discuss.


Quoted from tonkatough
   The first half is a conventional love triangle with a villain thrown in. While reading I couldn’t get the movie Titanic out of my head. You script shares a lot of similarities with that movie. Friendships are made, people fall in love, a jealous villain inflicts conflict. Big disaster overshadows story and threatens everyone.

This structure of story is older than the wolrd. You find it in the Greek classics. Believe me James Cameron didn't invent anything.


Quoted from tonkatough
   It is all good, but I felt you could have spiced it up a lot more with conflict and drama. Have the two friends start to hate and fight each other for example.

At this time, friendship was above love. Mentalities were far different. Friends respected each other.


Quoted from James McClung

pg. 2 – You’re giving information here that can’t be shown on screen. How do we know these are “prisoners of war, chosen for their brawn and endurance?” Their nationalities can’t be shown either. I’m not sure they’re even of any consequence. This is a heavy read. If there’s stuff that’s written that can’t be shown, get rid of it. It’s unnecessary bulk.

I disagree. All this can be shown here. Slaves nationalities can be easily showed by the color of their skin, their hair.


Quoted from James McClung
pg. 6 – “Row well and you will be awarded.” I believe you mean rewarded unless Nautius is going to give them medals for good rowing. Somehow I doubt he would do such a thing.

Sorry? Imeant rewarded. Rewards were extra food, extra water or extra resting. It makes sense.


Quoted from James McClung
pg. 87 – It rings false that Nautius would be in such a rush that he would neglect Sila’s safety. He loves this woman. I’m sure he would insist upon her joining him to be with his family.

Nautius knows Sila since they were kids. He knows he'd waste precious time to try to convince her.


Quoted from James McClung
I highly doubt a tavern would be operational in such circumstances. Better just to have Nautius enter and take the wine himself from behind the bar. Makes much more sense that way and it’s a simpler solution to Nautius’ thirst.

archeology has proved that fact. People were waiting here  for Vesuvius' wrath to be over


Quoted from James McClung
Why do Nautius and Sila return to Pompeii? It's completely destroyed. I get you want to show she is pregnant but you could just as well show the two of them somewhere else living happily together.

Why do people return to places where they families have been destroyed? This is just remembrance and grieving.


Quoted from James McClung
Characters like Sofia and the gladiators are too minor to garner any major focus and yet they did.

Sofia, the Gladiators and Co. are here to reflect  what happened to most of the people of Pompeii.


Quoted from James McClung
There were a lot of plotlines throughout the story that didn't get enough attention. Plinius for one. Earlier on in the story, he's not a main character at all but during the second half, his role is expanded considerably. This is no good. You need to develop his character in the first act or so to justify is role in those following.

Plinius is the only witness to have leave a written quote about the eruption. The same thing for his nephew. I couldn't let it pass.


Quoted from James McClung
Nikias is at the forefront of the story early on but seems to be missing in action during the Pompeii pandemonium

I agree with you on that point. He could have more present on the second half of the story but his affair with Nautius' blind sister would have been too complicated and mostly a repeat of what happened to them after the cave. I had to sacrifice him.

Anyway, I'm glad this story entertained you. I'm a litlle bit disappointed that Polanski will treat the same subject, but his film is based on a best seller published shortly after I finished my first draft. (sob)

Through my script I always try to be as entertaining as possible, and at the same time, educative.

Thanks again

Michel


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Alex J. Cooper
Posted: March 12th, 2007, 7:06pm Report to Moderator
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A quick laugh at the name Nautius and I'm ready to review..

I've only glanced at the other reviews so what I may say could have already been said. Theres no indication of who these three kids are in the flashback. Nautius and Livius should taunt each other when sword fighting, naming each other, maybe even saying some personal phrase that shows their friendship.

Some sentences are strangely constructed.

Ex. "The three children are looking panicking people running.."

It takes me away from the story. It's very hard to get into the story when I have to keep stopping and analyzing a sentence that doesn't quiet make sense.

You deliver on action. Two battles and not even 30 pages in!

I'm up to page 33 and I'll leave it there for today. End my read on a cliffhanger. I'll finish my review tomorrow.


Shorts:
I Named Him Thor
Footloose, Cut Loose
Tainted Milk
Marshmallows
Confucius & The Quest For Nessie
Wondrous Presentation
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michel
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Quoted from Alex J. Cooper
A quick laugh at the name Nautius and I'm ready to review..


What's funny with Nautius?


Quoted from Alex J. Cooper
I'm up to page 33 and I'll leave it there for today. End my read on a cliffhanger. I'll finish my review tomorrow.


I can't wait to read the rest of your review.

Michel



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michel
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Quoted from Ayham
You (...) started the story with "grainy and scratched, Kodak color 8mm" footage. Do you really need to do that?


I know this a historical story, but I wanted to show that flash-back like it was unforgetable moments you could shot with a silent camera as our parents and granparents used to do it in the 50's and the 60's. I know it's my role as a writer but it was just to give those moments that look.


Michel


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yorkshireladdy
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Well done!  I really enjoyed reading this script because I like the subject and stuff + it was clearly thought-out and organized and formatted and so on.  Although, yeah, there are quite a few grammatical mistakes and typos here and there like others have pointed out, and like Alex said the characters name seem a little silly for the average reader (e.g. me) but overall I really liked the way this script seems so professional, almost like it could be the next big-budget summer movie.  

However, one MAJOR criticism is that, while the descriptions and action paragraphs are near-perfect in tone, like others said there is just too much info and historical jargon, although it is quite clear you know a lot about ancient Roman history it's be an even better read if you cut some of it out, as mentioned.  And, most importantly, one really crucial thing I can see that otherwise separates this from the real blockbuster movies is the dialogue. Basically, what the characters say works and makes sense + all but if you only changed it some, given it variety and memorableness and whatever, then...?
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tomson
Posted: May 14th, 2007, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hi there yorkshireladdy.

Just wanted to let you know that Michel does not have an internet connection at the moment.

I'm sure he'd be delighted to read your review, just wanted to let you know it might be a while before he responds. Don't take that personally. He'll be back eventually.  
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michel
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Hi Yorkshireladdy,

sorry for the delay of my answer and thank you for the reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.


Quoted from yorkshireladdy
like Alex said the characters name seem a little silly for the average reader (e.g. me)


However, every Roman name is true. Several even belong to people who lived at this time. They maybe sound silly today but many today names will surely be in the future (LOL)

Michel


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michel
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Okay, I know, it's 133 pages(!). Okay, I know, it's not another sequel of Batman, Matrix, X-Men, or Casper (?), but it's gold! (Well, you'll notice I'm not a good seller) But I think it worth reading.

Michel

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-drama/m-1169928650/




Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
michel  -  May 10th, 2009, 6:02pm
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michel
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I tried to follow general reviews made before. I took from the script all the Roman technical words and many documentary descriptions. I think the text is now easier to read.

Michel


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