Weeding Eden by Andrew Mikel Lilleberg & Preston A. Fassel - Drama, Noir, Dark Comedy - The film revolves around Clare Laveau a sleazy, alcoholic detective who makes a good deal of his income from the Wilsons, Arthur and Eve. Arthur is a once-strong community pillar type whose life fell apart when a secret love affair led to a sexually transmitted disease known as genital herpes, which has messed up his mental state, and has rendered him unable to satisfy his wife. Arthur has constantly hiring Laveau to spy on Eve, and Eve is always been paying off Laveau to keep quiet about her affair with a handsome art dealer named Paul van Bredam. One night Laveau is summoned to the office of Francis Orwell, the founder of Eden a wooded paradise populated by the richest and most affluent people in the state, Lately, the town has been plagued by an upsurge in drug related crimes, all of which the DEA have tied to a seemingly untraceable drug baron known as the Dutchman.  168 pages - pdf, format

Mr. Lilleberg & Mr. Fassel

You've got a good thing going with this story. As for the screenplay itself, I've got to mention a few things, just so you might have a better chance at getting looks.

I don't know if your screenplay has been purchased or budgeted by an actual production company, but just be aware that SCENE NUMBERS are only included in the shooting script--the script that is put together by the producers and execs after the original screenplay is dissected and budgeted. Most of the scripts you see here or most anywhere else online are production drafts. But, as I said, I am unaware of whether it has been purchased or if you are producing it yourselves.

Secondly--168 pages is way too long. I understand that it is a complex piece, but I can guarantee you that if it is passed over for any reason it will be for its length. Studio execs hate reading, and they will judge your entire screenplay, knowledge of film, and general worth as a human being on just the first ten pages. Additionally, the max for a spec script (scripts that are simply sent to the studios without any prior business relations) is 145 pages. Yes, the page-to-minute rule of thumb typically rings true. But then again, BEN HUR--a 212-minute epic--was somewhere around 90 pages long.

My advice would be to eliminate all of the tedious descriptions of camera shots--i.e. STEADICAM on pg. 4. That mile-long paragraph can be encapsulated into just a few sentences. And don't include STEADICAM in the slugline--the director of photography will engineer the shot to whatever is most cost-efficient and appropriate for the location. If you want to subtly hint that a tracking shot is absolutely necessary, limit what the director and DP have to base their shot composition on. Or, you might use ellipses (...) to indicate steady movement. Just remember that no matter what you write, the director, DP, and actors will inexorably expound upon it according to the director's vision (and sometimes the execs' "vision").

All in all, the length and garrulous tone were the only major problems for me. Good luck with it, and other projects, and I hope to see you out here someday.

K.C.