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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Adoption: The Ugly Twist Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 21st, 2010, 8:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Adoption: The Ugly Twist by Max Alexander Malloy  - Drama - Actresses purchase Black Tots in Africa but in the United States tension brews as wealthy Blacks are denied adoption of White Children. 88 pages - doc, format


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dogglebe
Posted: June 25th, 2010, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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This is probably the fourth script I read from Max Malloy and I have drawn two irrefutable conclusions:

1.  Max is a terrible writer.

2.  Max hates Whitey.

'ADOPTION' is about interracial adoptions and how white people can adopt a black child without any problems while black people cannot adopt white children.  In this script, much like all the other ones, the characters are painted with very broad strokes.  Black people are noble and good while white people are either racists, ignorant people, or they're self-hating white people who preach about the sins of bigotry each time they open their mouths.

Our story opens in Central Africa where Congresswoman Jane Myers arrives to buy a black baby.  Before we see this purchase, we hear a narrator say:


Quoted Text
This is the village of CHEWA, MALAWI, located in the sub-Sahara of Africa, in the southeast portion of the continent (Central Africa). Malawi is a landlocked country, bordered by Zambia on the west, Tanzania on the north, and Mozambique on the east, south, and southeast. The impoverish Chewa people are the largest ethnic group in Malawi. The proud Chewa people are known as a clannish tribe and adhere vehemently to their doctrine of no illegal adoptions or sales of their children, orphanage or otherwise. This time honored dogma has stood the test of time, that is, until now.


Myers buys the baby, nasty shit happens afterwards and we're done here.

Four pages later, white actress Holly Crane buys a black baby from a different village.  Before this happens, the narrator returns with:


Quoted Text
Rundu is the capital city of the Kavango people. Like the impoverish people of Chewa, Malawi, the Kavango people are known as a proud, clannish tribe and adhere vehemently to their doctrine of no illegal adoptions or sales of their children, orphans or otherwise. And in this ancient wilderness, the Kavano’s time honored dogma has stood the test of time, that is, until now.


Sound familiar?  This isn't the first time that Max has done this.  Cut and paste dialog or even entire scenes.  It's sheer laziness as a writer.

A short time later, in California, black millionaire talk show hostess Mary Lou Daniels and her husband Chuck (and a white friend) visit the Abe Lincoln Adoption Center.  They want to adopt a girl.  Within minutes after walking in the door, they are shown a photo album of young black children.  The problem starts when they mention they want to adopt a white girl.  The center's director, Rita Singer (an evil white woman) points out that it's against policy for a black couple to adopt a white children... especially a white girl.

The Daniels (and their white friend) storm out, threatening legal action.

The next day black millionaire movie producer Jay P. Davis and his wife (and a white friend) arrive at the center to adopt a baby.  They're greeted by Rita Singer's twin sister, Ava, who is a co-director.  She's quick to whip out the orphan catalog of black children and is shocked to learn--you guessed it--that the Davises want to adopt a white girl.  Ava says it's against policy and the Davises (and their white friend) storm out, threatening legal action.

Sheer laziness!

This script is filled with repeated dialog and scenes.  If you were to delete all the repetition (and tighten things up), this 99 page script would be about 40 pages long.

It should be noted that the Singer sisters are identical twins.  Why?  Who the fuck knows?  It doesn't come into play during the story.  Hilarity does not ensue because someone thought Rita was Ava, or vice versa.  Maybe Max thinks that all white people look alike.

There's an adoption watchdog group, the Blacks Against Transracial Adoption (BATA) that, for some reason thinks it has more power than God and his army of angels.  It's six or seven members think they have the right to visit fresh crime scenes and perform illegal wiretapping.  No explanation why--no one gave them search authority--but they do.

The story, itself is like spin art.  The red represents children.  The blue represents bigotry.  Green represents all the killing in the story.  Yellow represents the lack of realism and coherency.  And there's a lot of yellow in this story!!  After you spray all the colors on the page and hit 'spin' you have something you can't really identify.

All the characters, in this story are two dimensional and cliche.  I've seen the same characters in Max's other scripts.  Black people=good.  White people=bad.  All the white women are heavy scotch drinkers who secretly like the black meat.  The cops are all corrupt.

Dialog... oh Christ where do I begin...

On the nose and filled with big words that project and industrial strength dose of artificiality.


Quoted Text
          DIRECTOR AVA SINGER
     (Jittery, shrill tone)
I am sorry about your displeasure but that’s ALAC’S policy and I am certain that’s the policy of most adoption agencies when it comes to trans-racial adoption! None of the agencies in this country would ever stoop to relinquish a White Child to Black Parents, especially a White Girl!  
Jay glares at Director Singer and addresses Cecilia, Sara and Director Singer.

          JAY
     (Irritated)
Cecilia and Sara come on and let’s get the hell out of here! But Director Singer, you’re pitifully unaware that your gross ineptitude has just detonated a nuclear explosion in the racist genre of transracial adoption! Stay tuned, because you will soon hear and receive an official, thunderous protestation regarding ALAC’S violation of all MEPA adoption laws of 1994 and the IAP adoption laws of 1997!

          SARA NOVAK
Okay, Director Singer, you should be advised that you’ve been duly warned. So, let’s not hear you later utter the mundane excuses and lies that your assertions were taken out of context or that you’re not a racist.  


Seriously, does anyone talk like this?  There is absolutely no realistic dialog in this script.  Some people like to toss around big words, thinking that it'll make them sound smarter.  This isn't the case.  I wanted to cut and paste the meeting at BATA, but it was too long.  If you want to read it, and see a great example of bad dinner party introductions, the fun starts on page 31.

Some of you may wonder why I read Max's scripts, knowing that they will be awful.  It''s for the same reason why people watch Plan Nine from Outer Space.  Max's scripts are so (unintentionally) awful, that they're enjoyable..

I recommend reading this script, especially the new writers.  It'll open your eyes to numerous faults in writing, and improve your work.


Phil
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