Like Jimi by Leon Segers - Drama - The rebirth of jimi Hendrix 105 pages - pdf, format

105 pages...not 5!

Quoted from Dreamscale 105 pages...not 5!

Rounding error.

Hello Mr. Segers!

I just took a look at your script and admittedly, I did not finish it. I find the plot interesting at first glance. first off, I want to say, you've got some serious proofreading to do. Some of the spelling errors are dialectical, but some of the dialect even appears to have errors. But that's not really an issue until you're trying to get a higher-up to read it. I'm a little unsure of whether the dialogue is satirical or serious at this point--I could see either. The "dad, I wanna be a rapper"/disapproving father scenario is a tad overplayed in my opinion. And the spoiled little rich kid deal is hard to find sympathy for. If you hope for sympathy or even empathy for your main character, I suggest you write that upfront. I think that's the main reason the first discussion comes off satirically.

The Tupac jam session in Drexx's room is sweet, but thinly treading the line between too sweet and just sweet enough. Overall I'd say try to avoid blatant cliche and overt exposition (for instance, in the scene where Drexx's parents are discussing his name, it seems they are almost aware of the audience). But hey, this is all one person's opinion.

Good luck with everything! I think there's some potential here.

I'd like to dicuss some of your other scripts. PM me, please thx