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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  The Secret of Life Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Secret of Life  (currently 1449 views)
Don
Posted: January 9th, 2012, 9:23pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Secret of Life by Syed Asad Ali (Asad) - Drama -  A young guy left his modern life to a school in the far off mountains claimed to be teaching Secret of Life. On his way he accidently met a Darwish in a shrine and the incident triggered a splendid journey into the very heart of life itself  112 pages - doc, format


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Forgive
Posted: January 10th, 2012, 4:57am Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Hi Syed - this was very difficult to read - it was quite vague, and a lot of it appeared to be visual and difficult to describe (the bit in the road, with everything rushing past).

During the early stage of the script (the set-up) there should be some attempt to give us an idea of what the stroy is - I didn't really get this.

The formatting was half-way there - the slugs weren't done fully, so that:

INT. Dinning room

should be

INT. ALI'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY.

The chinks of dialogue were to big, and I didn't get a sense that they moved the story forward.

Maybe it would be an idea to take some of this story, self-contain it and post it as a short.

Best o' luck.

Simon
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CoopBazinga
Posted: January 10th, 2012, 5:54am Report to Moderator
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Hey Syed,

For starters, you should post this in a pdf format, that’s the norm. I would also recommend getting a screenwriting program like Celtx which is free I believe.

I found this very hard to follow I’m afraid to say, the formatting is all wrong and the first 5 pages were just confusing?

Your action lines seem too short. The first two were "Talking to a friend" and "Sitting with his friends in a restaurant"

The dialogue on the other hand is too long, also your slugs look all wrong IMO.

Read lots and lots of scripts and participate on the board. I think you will be amazed at much you learn.

Good luck and keep writing.

Steve
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