Restoration by Benjamin M. Dugan - Drama - A  story about 4 teens, one prom, an addiction from guilt and pain, and the courageous battle of one young man and one young woman struggling to piece his life back together. 130 pages - doc, format

Benjamin-- before I even opened this, there were two red flags. 1. 130 pages, and 2. doc format.

The logline also has problems. Keep numbers consistant... you switched from "4" to "one".

"One addiction from guilt and pain" is written awkwardly and doesn't make sense. You mean they're addicted to guilt and pain?

And then there's this: "A young man and young woman struggling to piece his life back together". Awkward as well... at first glance, I thought you said "a young woman struggling to piece his life back together". But I do kinda get what you're saying... you mean the young woman is helping the guy piece his life together? Or is she piecing his life together on her own?

120 pages is pushing it. 130 tells me this is probably overwritten, with some scenes that could be cut.

Usually 1 page = 1 minute on film, but this is dialogue heavy, so really it would end up a bit shorter. A page of dialogue can take thirty seconds on screen, when a page of action can take three minutes.

But still, try to get this closer to the 100-110 page range. 120 at the most.

And most people won't even open a script if it's not pdf. Doc format makes me assume this isn't formatted correctly... and I was right. I mean, you've got the right idea, but the margins for the dialogue just aren't right.

Download Celtx of Trelby (both free) to format your scripts. Trust me, it'll make life easier. Plus, once you reformat this, the length will probably change... who knows, it might end up closer to 110.

So onto the actual script...

No need for a period after the slugline.

Your opening line is not good at all, IMO:

"BRET, a young teen age boy races from the football field to the parking lot of a school. It’s slightly dark as he stops. "

First, "a young teenage boy" could easily be written as just "BRET (14)". "Young teenage boy" could be anywhere from 13-15. Just write character ages as numbers to be specific.

If possible, don't refer back to your slug ("he races through the parking lot"). It's redundant because we already know the location from the slug, so instead just write "he runs". Same goes for "it's dark when he stops". Your slug says it's night, so of course it's dark. You don't have to tell us in your action lines.

Also, if he's running from the football field to the parking lot, you need a separate slug for the field, and then a new slug for the parking lot. If the location changes, the slug must change as well.

"Moments later" wouldn't be centered. You write it in the slug, where the time of day would go. So it would be "EXT. CITY STREET - MOMENTS LATER". And there's no need to say "car crash" in your slug. That's a scene description, not a location.

"Several months later" is telling, not showing. Only write what we can actually see on the screen. How would we know it's several months later? Either have a title card, or work the info into the story so we know.

I haven't seen you are here, so I'll stop there. Hope this helps.

Will