All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
The bottle scene, as well as the taser, didn't sit well with me. When you have anhidrosis (I looked it up), you don't feel pain, but you would suffer from your injuries. And the taser would've taken him out most likely.
Did you actually refer to his condition as anhidrosis? I don't recall it from what I've read. If not, you should've; it plays a big role in the story.
No, I never mention what the name of the disease is... there seems to be more than one "disorder" where the person can't feel pain. Yes, anhidrosis is one of them, but there is also congenital insensitivity to pain (analgesia, san anhidrosis), familial dysautonomia, etc.
Didn't want to get too "technical". You're actually the first, out of many, to have a problem with me not mentioning what the name of the disease is. I think it was better left out. He has a disease where he can't feel pain. That's all that really needs to be known.
And yeah, the person would still sustain injuries (the doctor describe self mutilation, eg biting your tongue, in an earlier scene)...
I think where Morphine missed the mark, or failed to convey to some of the audience, was that this was written with a sense of heightened reality... though the disease exists, it's very rare and, in a way, is hard for some people to wrap their mind around. It doesn't seem very realistic, though it does indeed exist. The rest of the script, at least to me, was written as a drama blurred with hints of fantasy... think the skewed reality depicted in films like Wild at Heart, Natural Born Killers, Buffalo 66, etc.
The bottle over the head, the taser... yeah, in reality, that would injure him. And it does to some degree here -- he bleeds. To me, it's similar to those old timey westerns where they break a stool or beer bottle over somebody's head in a saloon fight, and there's no blood, minimal injury. Though Morphine is a completely different tone, was just using that as an example.
I'm amazed that the script has received such a strong and passionate response, both in the negative and the positive, especially with plausibility -- people have googled components of the scripts to see if some of the situations can really happen (mothers dying at childbirth, the disease in the story, looking for bridges low enough over a lake where someone can survive jumping off, etc).
Sense I posted up to page 60, I read a few of the comments left from posters like Pia, Curt and few others and they echoes my thoughts on several of the same points that have already come up so I'm gonna save the repeat read and get to the point.
I like dark material. I really liked this script. I didn't really see it as a mixed bag at all. In fact, in my mind it was consistent.
I'ts sad and funny what sort of comments people can leave when they know they have no fear of being caught. I'm no talking about here. Everyone here, for the most part has shown this script love and offered a ton of good stuff. I'm talking about over on that other site.
Don't give it two thoughts man.
I really liked the ending. Very well put to bed.
All in all, this was a very enjoyable read. You have a great writing style and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Michael, it is interesting that people would go to the extent of researching aspects of your script on Google. The most amusing one: "looking for bridges low enough over a lake where someone can survive jumping off." Seriously? It's almost as if they want to find something wrong with your story-telling in any way, shape, or form. I'll be honest, I only ever did that once, concerning a script that was posted on here. The idea was so preposterous and being passed off as dead serious realistic that I had to question it.
No, I never mention what the name of the disease is... there seems to be more than one "disorder" where the person can't feel pain. Yes, anhidrosis is one of them, but there is also congenital insensitivity to pain (analgesia, san anhidrosis), familial dysautonomia, etc.
I just thought it was weird that it was never mentioned, even when Early was diagnosed and the doctor's explaining it to his mother. There was actually an episode of House that dealt with a teenager who had it. The ending was pretty awesome.
The low bridge over the lake, I thought was weird. Then I remembered such a bridge near where I live. It just seems odd but it's doable.
The premise, as summarized in the logline, is instantly intriguing to anyone with a pulse and having read a few of your recent shorts I was expecting a liberal dollop of violence thrown in…it delivered on that promise. It’s clear you’re an experienced writer as the read moved along at a brisk pace, virtually no issues on the technical front.
As for the story:
The initial build from the moment that changed Early’s life, the subsequent effect on him and transition to introverted 18 year old feels almost tele-visual at times as it very much goes through the motions we’ve seen a hundred times before. The tantrums, the flashbacks, the grim doctor visit. I wanted to see more of the effect the condition had on him as he grew up. We get a bunch of scenes as him as a kid not really aware of what’s going on, understandably enough and then we cut to his 18th birthday and the odyssey begins. I wanted some in-between moment to chart his transition from troubled kid to troubled teenager and all the angst, insecurities and self awareness that comes along with it.
Once the journey does begin though (and to you credit it does get into very quickly) things greatly improved and I really got immersed in the read. I loved the relationship dynamic between Agony and Early and the Blue Velvet obsession with observing sado/masochistic activities.
However, I would’ve liked a scene between Agony and Early in character. The initial goal of Early to feel pain is never given a chance to be explored as Agony’s past catches up with her. I was expecting to see Agony do her routine on him and gauge how he reacts, would it have an effect or would he maintain his steely indifference to physical stress. I’d imagine it could go any way given the sexual element in Agony’s act which Early would be unused to. It’s got fantastic potential for a key scene but you never capitalised on it and I’m sure you have your reasons. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Winston in all this too. Yes, his blind, enraged vengeance cannot be justified but I did at least sympathise with his jilted disposition. I presume it was probably more Tina and Fred’s decision than the young Early to not acknowledge Winston but a phone call or a visit wouldn’t have done any harm.
Agony’s familial issues seemed a little over egged at times. I mean, Daddy was a mean sonofabitch and I get that this was what you were going for, Agony came from a bad place which is reflected in her choice of profession but at times it felt like you were pushing the depravity a bit far for shock value. The key scene of Daddy’s confrontation is a tough one and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t gripped but in hindsight, is it too extreme.? It reminded me of the chicken drumstick scene in “Killer Joe” from last year, I had similar mixed feelings in that it works in some ways but questionable in others.
Anyway, overall I did enjoy this, it had a dark, perverse boldness intermingled with elements of fantasy and surrealism that I responded to. It shows, if anything,t hat you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty and are more concerned about staying true to your vision rather than pad it out and take the edges off, I applaud that. In the era of increasingly bland pc conscious filmmaking this is a welcome example of ballsy writing.
You should get a good impression from my PDF notes how I felt as I read, what worked, what didn’t and the parts in which I was confused or had problems. Hope they help.
I got the impression that I ruined their life in some way by "forcing" them to start reading the script, haha. They were genuinely, down right offended, haha. Can't please everybody I guess...
You will never please everyone AND as long as you get strong publicity...negative or positive by hitting emotional points...you did more than most of us can!
Congrats on the exposure....you got a future man! Rock it!
Pathfinder Films optioned the script today. Thanks to all those who took out the time to read and give feedback on the script (here on simplyscripts, scriptshadow and zoetrope).
Sorry I haven't been around lately to read and comment on scripts, been super busy with numerous projects. Will be around soon to check out some more material!
Pathfinder Films optioned the script today. Thanks to all those who took out the time to read and give feedback on the script (here on simplyscripts, scriptshadow and zoetrope).
Sorry I haven't been around lately to read and comment on scripts, been super busy with numerous projects. Will be around soon to check out some more material!
Pages: 
Author
Morphine
Logged
Locked Board