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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Not That Story, This One Moderators: bert
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  Author    Not That Story, This One  (currently 1061 views)
Don
Posted: November 22nd, 2014, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Not That Story, This One by Vinay Singh - Drama - A young Sikh author gets his chance to write a script on a historical incident but finds himself unable to adapt the story to the producer's vision.  100 pages - pdf, format


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DS
Posted: November 22nd, 2014, 10:00am Report to Moderator
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Hi Vinay:

You shouldn't start the screenplay on the page where your summary is. They are technically different entities. Leave some spaces and kick the screenplay off from a new page.

The first slug isn't spaced properly. There's an extra hyphen. Misuse of INT./EXT. - It should only be used for scenes that go back and forth between internal and external shots.

The action lines are written in a very awkward way that's just difficult to read. The current 100 pages could probably be around 80 or less if written normally. Characters aren't capitalized on their first entry. Typo on the fourth line - ally/alley.

This might seem harsh, but people will be looking at your script this way. There really is a multitude of reasons to close the script before even making it to page 2.

The logline is well constructed though and I find the premise fascinating. If you're around, leave a comment and I'll try and read more. Currently, I'd say the first thing you need to focus on in the next draft is making your action lines proper. Merge them, there is no point to having only simple sentences where each of them have a seperate line.

Hope this helped. Good luck.
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