Henry Porter by Lee Krempel - Drama - An enigmatic Nietzschean contract killer dominates everyone who comes in contact with him.  But after a seemingly "normal kill," things begin to spiral out of control for him as his very life and sanity are threatened by encroaching forces both human...and supernatural.  113 pages - pdf, format

Story is everything.  Liked yours.    Henry had that Anton Chigurh thing going early on.  Great!  Loved the Melville and Dylan references; Helped support plot and character.  Nicely done

I made it to page ten, then I stopped there. Dialogue is on the nose, your action is too long, keep it short. About 4 lines is about right, for a spec. As I was reading I was thinking this reminds me of John Wick, or Hitman films.

Thanks for the notes, folks. Very helpful.

Patrick, in subsequent scripts, I have definitely pared down the length on action. Thanks for the note.

I read the first ten - swamped now so don't have time for a full read.

This is well written. There is talent here. Crisp and clean for the most part and I did not find the dialogue too OTN. I thought it was pretty natural.

I did think the conversation with the homeless person went on a bit too long (probably could cut a page there).

On the log-line

A little long winded and I would lose "Nietzschean". It may be the correct term, I don't think it wise to include words that folks have to Google in a log line. I would start with something like this:

When an enigmatic and ruthless hit man kills a ...........

Good writing here.

Thank you for your notes. And you're right about the logline. I need to change it. I've thought it several times, but no one ever came out and said it. So, thank you.

For the record, even though I've been lurking on the boards, I'm overwhelmed by the talent and generosity of people here.

I, too, am super busy. I'm a high school english teacher in addition to writing...so I'm not gonna crank out posts every day, but I hope to graft myself into this community more.

Quoted from LMK Thank you for your notes. And you're right about the logline. I need to change it. I've thought it several times, but no one ever came out and said it. So, thank you. For the record, even though I've been lurking on the boards, I'm overwhelmed by the talent and generosity of people here. I, too, am super busy. I'm a high school english teacher in addition to writing...so I'm not gonna crank out posts every day, but I hope to graft myself into this community more.

Very cool - you will enjoy it.