SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 21st, 2018, 7:44am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship
Writers' Tournament Scripts Are Up

Link to Voting Pairs. Anyone can vote.

The 2018 March Madness Tournament

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Family Scripts  ›  Training Taylor Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Training Taylor  (currently 613 views)
Posted: March 26th, 2017, 2:47pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Training Taylor by April J. Miller - Family - An orphaned 12-year-old boy must create a new life in Montana with an uncle and aunt he's never known.  But ranches have lots of ways for a kid to get into trouble.  Together, they learn to understand each other and God's plan for their lives by training a Border Collie puppy named Taylor. 122 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: December 28th, 2017, 11:28am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
This is a sweet story and I always appreciate the Christian theme.
1- 122 Pages is way too long.  
  A- Film is a visual medium not a literary medium.  Eliminate dialog where a visual scene would
  make the point.  Remember that each page of the script equals one minute of screen time.
  B- You are very repetitive with the various adventures of your young boy character.  One or two
  major incidents are better than many smaller ones.  Choose your scenes carefully.

2- The dialog is very formal.  A California boy of that age wouldn't be responding as formally as your character.  Make it sound more real.  Hint:  Record yourself reading the dialog and then play it back and listen to it.

3- The scene in the snow storm where he goes off on his own:  Make it more dramatic so that when he does find the lamb and the ewe the audience breathes a sigh of relief.

4- Try to get the screenplay down to 90 pages.

Make those changes and get back to me.;  I would like to talk with you regarding possible production.

Let me repeat, it's a sweet story.

Grace to you,
Jim Clark

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Posted: December 28th, 2017, 11:41am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Additional note:  Add some humor to the story.  Maybe a running joke along with situational humor.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Posted: December 28th, 2017, 1:40pm Report to Moderator

The Chair
Posts Per Day
Christian theme not my thing (bah, humbug), and the logline is all over the place (3 sentences isn't really a logline), so I'll offer a logline rewrite suggestion (keeping in mind I could be way off given that I haven’t read the script):

When an orphaned boy is uprooted from L.A. to Montana to be with relatives he's never known, their differences threaten to tear the family apart until a puppy they’re training begins to train them in the real meaning of life.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Family Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006