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Christmasville (Was The Woodworker) (currently 1069 views) |
Don |
Posted: February 28th, 2018, 5:52pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts12752 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
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| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
Don - November 17th, 2018, 3:26pm | | |
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LC |
Posted: February 28th, 2018, 7:07pm |
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Moderator  Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts3048 Posts Per Day 0.80 |
Steven, I may not be popular saying it but... Your logline is a little bland and doesn't do justice to the script.
'four years removed' & 'newly unemployed'? It appears the drama (in the log) has been sucked out of the premise. Guy's been sacked days before Christmas and his daughter died tragically and he's still mourning her loss.
And: Bring back the previous title! Much more Christmas-y.
Btw, for those who think I'm just doing a cursory critique of title and log, I've read and commented on this script in depth and there's a gem of a story here.
Just my humble opinion, of course.
* I'm up for a blog review of this if you and Don are cool with it? |
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StevenClark |
Posted: February 28th, 2018, 8:10pm |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1805 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
Libby,
Thanks for the kind words. I know you liked this, and while this is not radically different from the version you read, there have been a few minor scene additions. I added two pages, though I was actually trying to cut it by four.
I’ll think about the log and title. Another title I tossed around was “Christmasville,” as that has officially become the name of the place Dale visits.
And I’m more than down with you reviewing this. That would be awesome!
And while I’m at it, I owe a huge thanks, of course, to Libby, Dave, James, Janet, Khamanna and Colkurtz - all of your notes were extremely helpful, and made it into the rewrite.
Steve |
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Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
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Don |
Posted: March 2nd, 2018, 2:22pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts12752 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
* I'm up for a blog review of this if you and Don are cool with it?
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Always! - Don |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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LC |
Posted: March 3rd, 2018, 8:09am |
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Moderator  Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts3048 Posts Per Day 0.80 |
It's in the works, Don.  |
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colkurtz8 |
Posted: March 4th, 2018, 8:24am |
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Yellow 
Location--> Over There Posts1578 Posts Per Day 0.41 |
Steve
Nice script you have here, man, lots of potential.
Best of luck with it.
Col. |
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StevenClark |
Posted: March 5th, 2018, 9:32pm |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1805 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
Thanks, Col. As you know, your notes were invaluable. Please do keep a look out for the review coming soon on SS — thanks to Libby and Don. The new title I’ve settled on will be Christmasville, because apparently The Woodworker wasn’t Christmasy enough for Libby!  |
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LC |
Posted: March 5th, 2018, 11:43pm |
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Moderator  Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts3048 Posts Per Day 0.80 |
 Ever heard of a little movie called The Woodsman starring Kevin Bacon? Okay, now forget that. Anyway... 'Christmasville' has a lovely ring to it. |
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StevenClark |
Posted: March 6th, 2018, 12:32am |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1805 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
Seen it twice. Duly noted!  |
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colkurtz8 |
Posted: March 6th, 2018, 4:51am |
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Yellow 
Location--> Over There Posts1578 Posts Per Day 0.41 |
The new title I’ve settled on will be Christmasville, because apparently The Woodworker wasn’t Christmasy enough for Libby!  |
- Also, I meant to say, "The Woodworker" evoked the Adam Sandler vehicle "The Cobbler" from a few years ago and no one wants that. |
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StevenClark |
Posted: March 6th, 2018, 10:17am |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1805 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
- Also, I meant to say, "The Woodworker" evoked the Adam Sandler vehicle "The Cobbler" from a few years ago and no one wants that.
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Haha! Actually, I have the perfect comeback vehicle for Adam Sandler. |
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Dustin |
Posted: March 6th, 2018, 11:40am |
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Blue  Action speaks louder than dialogue.
Posts4870 Posts Per Day 2.40 |
Haha! Actually, I have the perfect comeback vehicle for Adam Sandler.
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He might be offended at the word 'comeback'. He is still working. If you want to edit that out I'll happily delete my post. You never know, you might work with him one day. |
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StevenClark |
Posted: March 7th, 2018, 8:12pm |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1805 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
I meant comeback in the respect that he hasn’t had a big hit film in some time. I know he hasn’t gone anywhere. Though I have a sneaking suspicion he’s not checking my, or your, posts on this thread. If indeed he is then that’s something I’ll have to deal with when the time comes. |
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GM |
Posted: May 7th, 2018, 8:38pm |
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Yellow  Writing
LocationNew York Posts2148 Posts Per Day 0.47 |
Hey Steven,
Finished this.
Spoilers!
Definitely a tear jerker (your right Steven, lol) especially at the end. Kind of like a twilight zone episode where he disappears and reappears. Kind of interested to see what if they found the body lol?
I haven�t seen this but how about tackling the topic of technology vs. wooden toys? Maybe Santa�s losing business due to technology? Granted, this is probably me so take this with a pinch of salt.
Maybe play with the structure? What if you start with him in christmsville and we find out along with him as to why he�s there?
This is me spitballing. I didn�t have any problem, just thinking lol. Hope this helps Gabe |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
GM - May 9th, 2018, 1:27pm | | |
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StevenClark |
Posted: May 9th, 2018, 12:40pm |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1805 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
Hey Steven,
Finished this.
Spoilers!
Definitely a knee jerker especially at the end. Kind of like a twilight zone episode where he disappears and reappears. Kind of interested to see what if they found the body lol?
I haven’t seen this but how about tackling the topic of technology vs. wooden toys? Maybe Santa’s losing business due to technology? Granted, this is probably me so take this with a pinch of salt.
Maybe play with the structure? What if you start with him in christmsville and we find out along with him as to why he’s there?
This is me spitballing. I didn’t have any problem, just thinking lol. Hope this helps Gabe |
Thanks for reading, Gabe. I’m sure when you say “knee jerker” you really meant “tear jerker.” At least that’s what I hope you meant. Nah, never thought of the wooden toy commercialism angle. I wanted to keep this as basic as possible, and I’ve finally admitted to myself this needs yet another rewrite in order to streamline this and get in a few important plot points and beats. If I start off in Christmasville I’ll have to write the entire thing over! Haha. So that’s not gonna happen. I think it just needs a little simplifying. The story is already there. Thanks again, Gabe! Steve ++++++++++++++++ New thread here: https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1542486375/ |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
Don - November 17th, 2018, 3:26pm | | |
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