SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 7:38am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Season of the Devil Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Season of the Devil  (currently 7876 views)
George Willson
Posted: July 27th, 2005, 8:26am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

Location
Broken Arrow
Posts
3591
Posts Per Day
0.51
When it comes to a final justification, I think Riley could probably give it before everyone is toasted. Given how it ends, he would be perfect for it. In fact, once it sinks into Tom, our hero, he could agree with it to the shock of the audience and everyone dies knowing they're toasted.

I'm not in any way saying we have to leave the theatre feeling bright and sunny, but we have to leave having understood that the characters got something out of it. I think with this sort of ending, we should get the idea that either A) no matter what they did, they were never going to win or B) if they had taken a different path, they would have won. Don't misunderstand a realization with a feel-good ending.

Does that make more sense?

As for missing the cultists going up to Knight's Hill, maybe I did. However, I think Tom should make the decision to go and Father Keane just agree with it. The main character needs to lead the story.

Other explanations: My little paragraph from "So we go..." to "...we all choke on the smoke" was just my own recap. No commentary there, really. John Carpenter? I dunno. For some reason I always relate him to setting people on fire...


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 30 - 61
George Willson
Posted: July 27th, 2005, 11:25am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

Location
Broken Arrow
Posts
3591
Posts Per Day
0.51
POSSIBLE SPOILERS!

I did some thinking on your ending. I tried to figure out how to give the audience some satisfaction and still have the bad guys win. I think a big part has to do with identifying the villain. If Riley is the "villain" who appears to be in control of the demons, this may work. I did say "appears to be in control" and not actually control. Make the deal out to be like Riley summoned the demons and they are under his control, so when the good guys get down to the end, it appears that they win by killing him. This would be their goal; what they work towards during the script. They know that he evil was summoned by someone and they believe by killing that someone, the summoning will fizzle since the life force of that person maintains the summoning. Is this true? Hell no. The demons are there on their own terms and it doesn't matter what happens to Riley, the summoner. When does our hero learn this? When Riley informs them of it right before they all bite the dust. They meet their goal, but it was the wrong goal.

Another point: I don't believe the good guys should start the fire. When Riley sees his situation is hopeless, I believe it would be more appropriate for him to set his own people on fire, rather than the good guys foiling their own plans by unconventionally setting someone on fire, which in retrospect, just seems like a move to start the fire rolling and somewhat out of character. It would make  lot more sense to stab someone and have them fall to the ground than set their clothes on fire in an enclosed space and risk them running around like a headless chicken.

Keep your horrific ending, but let the good guys reach their goal, even though it didn't actually let them win. For reference, I have a really crappy movie: Halloween III. Why? The goal was to destroy the toy factory and beat the bad guy, which they did. Then he has to stop the evil commercial. He gets two out of three networks, but the last one doesn't stop the commercial, so they lose. We get a sense of accomplishment because they did beat the bad guy, but since his plans were already in motion, the situation was unstoppable. I feel like you have a similar situation here. They have a goal in their minds to accomplish, and they do that. But the wheels are already turning and three's no stopping the final outcome.

Did that make sense?


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 31 - 61
Scoob
Posted: July 28th, 2005, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
Hi George,

SPOLIERS





I like the idea of making Riley's identity as the cult leader a little earlier.
This could help replace the segments in the second act where things get a little stale and give it a boost.
I will be looking to add this in, thanks for your thoughts on this.

Regarding the ending, the fire should have been explained a lot better I guess. Father Keane lighting one of the members was a bit of a cheap way out probably. His intention was not for the whole tunnel to go up in flames as he  didnt expect the guy in flames to drop and set the rest on fire.

It would make  lot more sense to stab someone and have them fall to the ground than set their clothes on fire in an enclosed space and risk them running around like a headless chicken. This was the idea but I guess my explanation of it was not as good as it should have been.

I also agree with your third point. As it is at the moment, you are right in saying that there is no feeling of any kind of accomplishment by the good guys. I tried to do what you have stated, but it obviously does not come across well. I think the introduction of Riley earlier into act 2 will help this, and help the hero characters grow as well.

Thanks for your help on this George, you have given me some things to think about and I will be working on these shortly.







Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 32 - 61
Scoob
Posted: August 2nd, 2005, 11:06pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
I have submitted another draft of this, although this version mainly clears up a few things such as taking out pointless "we see"s.

A few dialouge scenes have been altered and some other things but nothing drastic so far.

The draft I am now working on is improving the whole script in general and I have cut some scenes to shorten parts and I have added one new scene so far.





Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 33 - 61
Scoob
Posted: August 8th, 2005, 12:38am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
Another draft has been placed up, so thanks Don for posting it.
This is more to change some of the spelling mistakes and take out the numerous "we see"s that I had in my first draft.

The draft Im working on now has altered a fair bit of the dialouge, altered a couple of scenes, and I have added a couple of bits here and there. The dream sequence is more involved, and there is an extra scene with Riley. I will be changing a few other things also.

The ending will also be altered.




Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 34 - 61
Scoob
Posted: August 9th, 2005, 7:54pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
I have just submitted the "Final" draft to Don so hopefully, it will be up on here soon.

I have changed some of the dialouge, and basically cleaned up the script to run more smoothly.

I have made a few cuts, mainly to the woodland search scene to speed things up a little.

There is an added scene with Riley and the dream sequence is explained more.

The ending has been changed and extended. It now has a completly different ending that I feel is more suitable.

I'll drop a post when it's up.

Cheers.



Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 35 - 61
Scoob
Posted: August 16th, 2005, 1:18pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
Thanks Don for posting the latest draft of this.

The font I used for this draft was set to 12 on final draft, which means the script goes on for a lenghty 149 pages.
If I use font 10, it comes out as 123 pages which I guess is not too bad. Is this acceptable? Im not quite sure.

Anyhow, this is the final draft...so far lol

Hope you enjoy the new ending.

Cheers for everyone that has read this script and posted, your comments were VERY helpful and I really appreciate it.














Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 36 - 61
sfpunk
Posted: February 5th, 2006, 9:18pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
US
Posts
102
Posts Per Day
0.01
you have to use size 12 font... i dont think its acceptable to use anything else... you might want to trim it down


My Scripts
'Trail Of Ashes' - (Drama/Horror)

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 37 - 61
FilmMaker06
Posted: February 5th, 2006, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
541
Posts Per Day
0.08
I was looking everywhere for this script! I've been wanting to read this before he comes out with the sequel, that way I can review both of them as soon as it comes out!
I'm glad you brought it back. Thanks! *Bows*

-Me
Logged
Private Message Reply: 38 - 61
Scoob
Posted: March 29th, 2006, 12:56am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08

Just went through this again and I cant believe I answered every question line for line!

Have to thank Geroge for being a great help though, that guy deseves an oscar just fo tolerating me alone!

Top man,



Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 39 - 61
9bar
Posted: April 3rd, 2006, 10:30am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Hertforshire
Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
hi
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 40 - 61
9bar
Posted: April 3rd, 2006, 10:31am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Hertforshire
Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
Just finished reading it must say i could not stop i really enjoyed it you are a really tallented writer i wish i read one of your scripts before.

im glad leroy got wat was coming to him in the end i thought it was funny how you made him a right bastard.

had to think at the end seeing as kerry and the priest survived i guess they would have had to mate for the sake of mankind.
she was luky it wasnt leroy cause the world would end up beeing full of bastards.

overall i give it a rating of 10/10 because i could not stop reading it nice one mate
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 41 - 61
Scoob
Posted: April 3rd, 2006, 11:45pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
Cheers Eaze,
Thanks for taking the time to read it, appreciated mate.



Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 42 - 61
chism
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 8:25pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Okay Scoob, I'm gonna start reviewing the script now so hopefully it should be up in a couple of hours.


Cheers, Chism.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 43 - 61
chism
Posted: April 17th, 2006, 9:26pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1053
Posts Per Day
0.16
Okay Scoob, here we go with Season of the Devl. Sorry for both the delayed read and review, but you posted on here not long ago and I know I always go back and check up on my old threads every once in a while, so there's a good chance that you'll read this. Before I start, I would like to mention that as usual I will be reviewing as I read so that I can comment on individual scenes and moments as they appear. This review will be long, but I promise it will be thorough. Let's get busy...


The opening scene with looking up into the sky and then shooting across the universe to this hell planet was very well described. You have written very simply here, but it does invoke the imagination quite a bit and it's very easy to picture what you had in mind for it. The ensuing scene with the monks and the introduction of the SOWEN symbol is also very tightly written. This whole sequence has the feel of a writer who's planning on directing, since there are such specifications with camera angles/movements. Is that true? Would you like to direct your own scripts one day?

That poor, poor lamb. The arrival on Eartrh scene is rather brutal, don't you think? It is perhaps a little too brutal or my tastes and I would have opened the scene with them having already killed the lamb rather than having them kill it on screen. Audiences are strangely sensitive to animal death and violence in movies, but we can kill as many people as we like and nobody particularly cares. Animals are different. I do like the idea of the scene though, very dark with the oujia board and the robes and evil prayers about words and blood. It's all very creepy, very gothic.

The introduction of the Phillips family is a very well written scene. You really capture that sense of excitement when the children see their father coming home from work. I remember being that excited about my father coming home and the kids's reactions feel very genuine. You also have a lot of very clever, very easy character development without making it feel force, with Tom remembering to get his beer, but forgetting the thing that would make his children happy. Also, you are setting up Megan's distaste and impatience for the situation that he is in. I think the scene really encapsulates the life of a suburban family very well. You also really captured the antagonism between a teenage boy and his father where Lee comes home late. Now I'm asuming that Lee was one of the kids who sacrificed the lamb, but I could be wrong. That's just the vibe I'm getting here. Moving on.

I'm not quite sure what you were trying to do with the following scene between Kerry, Sarah and Miss Hagins. They're talking about how late Kerry was and that they're gonna fire her if it happens again, then suddenly she's going to get someone's cell phone from their car? I understand it was important to get Kerry into the parking lot so she can meet up with Jack, but I'm just not sure what you were going for here. The scene doesn't have that same pizzaz of the opening scene with Tom and the Phillips family. And then it turns out that Miss Hagins doesn't actually hate her at all. So why give Kerry a hard time? Because she's the new girl? That's a pretty immature way for a fully grown woman to think and I'm just not sure what you were aiming for when you wrote this scene.

Is Shepherd the last name of the doctor on Lost? It doesn't really matter if it is, I'm just curious because I think that it might be.  This is another nice little scene with some snappy dialogue and a few character moments setting Jack up as a joker and possibly a love interest? Hmmmmm? Every great story has a great romance. Look at Gone with the Wind or Casablanca. Either way it goes, it's a pretty nice scene, very quiet, which I would assume is the silence before the storm, but I could be very wrong, one of the pitfalls of reading/reviewing at the same time I suppose.

The next scene I'm going to talkabout is the one in which the kids are taken. I understand what you were trying to do and what was intended of the scene. It is the moment in the film where things really start happening, where you kick the plot into high gear. I just don't think it comes off as well as it should, it is something that maybe should have been written a little better. The way you've described it, I think Tom is far too calm considering the circumstances and I think that Megan is severely underused:


Quoted Text
Megan ignores Tom and dashes around the house, calling the kid’s
names, asking them to come out from joking around or hiding.


The above should have been completely written, with her shouting out their names, bolting from room to room in the house. I would also have Tom be a little less together than he is, especially considering his present emotional state, having just had an argument with his wife. The scene really doesn't have the emotional impact it should have and I think maybe even a little more buildup is required.


Quoted Text
The revolving doors close behind them, the usual quiet sound
becoming now the only sound that can be heard.


What does this mean? How in the hell can revolving doors close behind them? They're revolving doors, the entire point of them is that they never close. Do you mean they stop moving? You need to clarify that coz that just ticked me right off.

One of the following scenes has Tom and Megan walking through the streets. Extend this here. There may be a longer sequence of the parents wandering around lost without their children, but here would be the perfect place to really pack an emotional punch. Have peoplew eeping the gutters, mothers screaming out in insanity, people fighting and bickering, punch-ups and other things of a like nature. I'd hate to use that word again, but this scene needs some pizzaz.

The latter scene outside the police station and the subsequent division into groups captures that sense perfectly. There is mass hysteria, which is understandable. and you have described it excellently. You've captured those who are hopeless and don't know what to do, and you've also wonderfully written those who are strong, in command and in control, so there is a nice contrast in this scene. You've really got the whole "town-united" kinda vibe going through this portion of the film and it is really well done.


Quoted Text
WILLIS (CONT’D)
If this is one big prank then they
are in for one hell of an ass
whipping...


One big prank? How could all of thise be one big prank? An entire town full of children, including an entire ward full of newborn babies, has gone missing and they're sitting around saying it's a prank? Where in the hell does that make eeven a little bit of sense? It's not realistic. I'd tweak the dialogue in this scene to make the cops feel a little bit more sympathetic towards the situation. And where's the mayor in all this? Every town has a mayor? It's tradition. Hopefully he'll show up later.


Quoted Text
WITCH
(whispery, singing to
itself in a rasp and
croaky tone)
Who dares spur his steed so late this
night?, A man whose child is sick
with fright, he hugs his child to
keep him warm, but can’t outride the
fearful storm.


Ooooooooh this is scary. Is that from something or did you just make that up? Either way its very creepy. This Witch could potentially be terrifying. Well I think this portion of the review has gone on for long enough.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .
Logged
Private Message Reply: 44 - 61
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006