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All Hallow's Eve (currently 431 views)
Posted: August 9th, 2017, 9:28pm
So, what are you writing?
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All Hallow's Eve
by Adam Johnson - Horror - After an evil sorcerer casts a spell at a Halloween dance that turns people into monsters, a lonely girl in a new town must defeat an army of 80's horror icons and save her school from destruction on ALL HALLOWS EVE. 114 pages - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted: August 10th, 2017, 4:43am
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I haven't read this yet, but I think I'll wait and see what others think of it before I do. Is this supposed to be taken seriously, or is it more of a comedy/parody like "Scary Movie"? Your plot makes it seem to be that way... Also I skimmed through the entire script and pretty much every character name and location that I scanned over either referenced (or ripped off) from other horror films... and with that being said, if you're being serious with this script, you'll need to get a lot of copyright issues with those films worked out. Just saying. Like I said, I'll wait and read this until I see what others think of it.
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Posted: August 14th, 2017, 4:43pm
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I'll say not parody, but definitely firmly in the horror/comedy genre. Waxwork and Monster Squad are the main inspo. Actually, a grown-up 80's version of The Monster Squad is a pretty apt description.
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Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 11:00am
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Hello. I haven't read this yet and aren't sure if I will; I just wanted to point out that your title has a typo. "Hallows" refers to a plural, therefore the apostrophe should come after the s, not before. Best of luck!
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Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 11:19am
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Adam: Not my genre but I took a look at the first few - may have some things that you can apply throughout.
All of your scene headings are underlined, It's distracting - I would lose it.
EXT. SANTA MIRA HIGH SCHOOL - NIGHT
An establishing shot of a large high school. Gorgeous and stately. All is quiet at this late hour, except the wind.
- You don't need the first sentence. It's already in the heading.
- tell us what gorgeous means. Something like "red brick and ivy...: or whatever.
The heavy door closes behind him as he exits, and with him
the last remnants of sound fending off the encroaching silence of the vast, empty school.
Way overwritten IMO. I did find some descriptions crisp and efficient - others, like the above, became prose. Keep it simple - i.e., the heavy door CLANGS shut behind him.
INT. VICE PRINCIPALíS OFFICE - NIGHT
The office is small, overrun with shelves full of books and
You do this throughout. You don't need "the office" - it's in your heading. Start the sentence with Small, overrun....
I do think there is a lot of promise in your writing - the dialogue is solid. There are places where the descriptions are perfect.
Hope this helps - best of luck
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