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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  All Hallow's Eve Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 9th, 2017, 9:28pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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All Hallow's Eve by Adam Johnson - Horror - After an evil sorcerer casts a spell at a Halloween dance that turns people into monsters, a lonely girl in a new town must defeat an army of 80's horror icons and save her school from destruction on ALL HALLOWS EVE. 114 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Tyler King
Posted: August 10th, 2017, 4:43am Report to Moderator
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I haven't read this yet, but I think I'll wait and see what others think of it before I do. Is this supposed to be taken seriously, or is it more of a comedy/parody like "Scary Movie"? Your plot makes it seem to be that way... Also I skimmed through the entire script and pretty much every character name and location that I scanned over either referenced (or ripped off) from other horror films... and with that being said, if you're being serious with this script, you'll need to get a lot of copyright issues with those films worked out. Just saying. Like I said, I'll wait and read this until I see what others think of it.
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Adam Johnson
Posted: August 14th, 2017, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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I'll say not parody, but definitely firmly in the horror/comedy genre.  Waxwork and Monster Squad are the main inspo.  Actually, a grown-up 80's version of The Monster Squad is a pretty apt description.
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 11:00am Report to Moderator
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Hello. I haven't read this yet and aren't sure if I will; I just wanted to point out that your title has a typo. "Hallows" refers to a plural, therefore the apostrophe should come after the s, not before. Best of luck!

-Julio
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eldave1
Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 11:19am Report to Moderator
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Adam: Not my genre but I took a look at the first few - may have some things that you can apply throughout.

All of your scene headings are underlined, It's distracting - I would lose it.


Quoted Text
EXT. SANTA MIRA HIGH SCHOOL - NIGHT

An establishing shot of a large high school. Gorgeous and
stately. All is quiet at this late hour, except the wind.


- You don't need the first sentence. It's already in the heading.
- tell us what gorgeous means. Something like "red brick and ivy...: or whatever.


Quoted Text
The heavy door closes behind him as he exits, and with him
the last remnants of sound fending off the encroaching
silence of the vast, empty school.


Way overwritten IMO. I did find some descriptions crisp and efficient - others, like the above, became prose. Keep it simple - i.e., the heavy door CLANGS shut behind him.


Quoted Text
INT. VICE PRINCIPALíS OFFICE - NIGHT
The office is small, overrun with shelves full of books and


You do this throughout. You don't need "the office" - it's in your heading. Start the sentence with Small, overrun....

I do think there is a lot of promise in your writing - the dialogue is solid. There are places where the descriptions are perfect.

Hope this helps - best of luck


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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