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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Where the Bad Kids Go - In Production Moderators: bert
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  Author    Where the Bad Kids Go - In Production  (currently 6287 views)
Don
Posted: February 15th, 2018, 10:35am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Where the Bad Kids Go by Sean Elwood - Horror, Thriller, Drama - It’s been sixteen years since Jesse was taken away from his abusive, alcoholic mother after she had tried to kill him. When he hears of the news that she committed suicide, he returns to his childhood house for preparation to sell it, as well as confront his dark past once and for all. He soon discovers that something evil lurks within the depths of the house, and after all these years, it’s been waiting for him to return.  98 pages - pdf format

contest: Horror Film & Screenplay Competition - Official Selection; WILDsound FEEDBACK Film and Screenplay Festival - Official Selection; Shriekfest - Quarter Finalist; Crimson Screen Horror Film Fest - Finalist

Writer interested in feedback on this work


++++++++++++++

WHERE THE BAD KIDS GO is being filmed in the Dominican Republic under the name En La Oscuridad  - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt13260894/?ref_=fn_al_tt_7



Based on the short story Where The Bad Kids Go

Interview with Sean Elwood


1st Scenes Reading of WHERE THE BAD KIDS GO


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Revision History (6 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  February 1st, 2021, 12:26pm
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: February 17th, 2018, 3:43am Report to Moderator
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Alright Sean, good to see you back. As a big horror fan, I always enjoyed your stuff.

I'll try and have a read this weekend.
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Zombie Sean
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
Alright Sean, good to see you back. As a big horror fan, I always enjoyed your stuff.

I'll try and have a read this weekend.


Glad to be back. It's been a rough past few years and I fell out of writing for a little bit, but now I'm back. This script shows it, too. It's rather personal to me but I've decided to share it with everyone. Glad you've taken interest in reading it, and I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Thanks!
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eldave1
Posted: February 17th, 2018, 11:28am Report to Moderator
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Sean: Horror is my least favorite genre but haven't seen your stuff so thought I would take a peak.

First impression is that you handled some very difficult story/format issues quite skillfully. You had V.Os, flashbacks, montages all in the first ten and there was never a point where I was lost. Long winded way of saying - great clarity on your part.

Also - even at ten pages I already care what happens to Jesse.

The law enforcement (Deputy) dialogue was a little stilted to me - especially given the circumstances. It seemed to every day to him.

A lot of talent here.

One question. You do this a lot:


Quoted Text
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

HELEN’S BEDROOM


versus this:

INT. HELEN'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

i.e., your splitting the scene headings and I know if's purposeful as you obviously know what you're doing. Other than it being different I thought it worked quite well - seemed crisper - clearer. When did you start this approach?  


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Zombie Sean
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Quoted from eldave1
Sean: Horror is my least favorite genre but haven't seen your stuff so thought I would take a peak.


Thanks for taking your time to check it out! I appreciate it.


Quoted Text
First impression is that you handled some very difficult story/format issues quite skillfully. You had V.Os, flashbacks, montages all in the first ten and there was never a point where I was lost. Long winded way of saying - great clarity on your part.


That's great news to hear. I hope it handles well with other readers because I've been told that it's too jumbled and too much is going on. That might be the case for some people, but I've tried to make it as clear as possible for the reader.


Quoted Text
The law enforcement (Deputy) dialogue was a little stilted to me - especially given the circumstances. It seemed to every day to him.


Dialogue has always been the hardest thing for me, and I've worked pretty hard on this scene. After looking at it again, I do see how you mean how "every day" he sounds. I'll work on that scene a little bit more.


Quoted Text
One question. You do this a lot:

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

HELEN'S BEDROOM

versus this:

INT. HELEN'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

i.e., your splitting the scene headings and I know if's purposeful as you obviously know what you're doing. Other than it being different I thought it worked quite well - seemed crisper - clearer. When did you start this approach?  


I started this approach quite a while ago after I'd been screenwriting for a few years. I thought it was a lot crisper�as you said�and easier to read. I tend to ignore sluglines unfortunately, even when reading other people's scripts (been trying to fix that habit), so this approach helps me pay attention to them more. Somehow. It's just cleaner in my opinion. Also it makes for scene changes a little less bulky. You have one location with multiple rooms, you just split it up like I did.

Thanks for taking the time to critique what you have so far!

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Zombie Sean  -  February 17th, 2018, 2:40pm
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eldave1
Posted: February 17th, 2018, 2:38pm Report to Moderator
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My pleasure - solid


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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OscarM
Posted: February 18th, 2018, 6:03pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Sean, returning the favor now. Here's the feedback and I hope it's useful to you. I like doing it in a rpofessional coverage manner for practice and I feel like that way I give better comments:

The story is a horror/mystery take on the idea of coming back home and trying to deal with the demons (in this case real and maybe even supernatural) of our childhood. There are some very strong scenes in the script, particularly the flashbacks involving Jesse and his mother Helen. She’s a very disturbing character who pushes her own child to the brink of hell. The story moves at a brisk and compelling pace, the use of flashbacks never feels too distracting and in fact always reveals interesting surprises about Jesse and Helen.

The story and characters have a strong arc, although this is one of the parts of the script that needs a stronger polish.  The overall theme of dealing with our demons, coming to terms with them and learning how to forgive is another strong part of this script. The writing style is also effective, along with the already strong scenes, it’s simple but detailed enough to keep us reading while also providing strong images.

There’s plenty to like about this script but as said before, there are areas that still need work. Although the arc in itself is strong and moving, the script feels like it needs Jesse to have a stronger goal. It’s clear that he wants to get rid of his past while also wanting to get to the bottom of it. Perhaps there can be a way of him finding objects or interviewing people as he begins to suspect that maybe he was wrong about his mother after all, something that keeps him in propulsive action. In his current state, Jesse turns more towards passivity in the second act instead of that determination he shows earlier on in the script. It seems like things happen to him rather than him taking direct action against the forces that are attacking him. This can work, particularly in horror scripts, but in this case it just feels like it makes the story meander a bit too much and takes away from Jesse’s character development.

In addition, there are a few weak spots of dialogue that come off as a bit forced or obvious, such as Jesse’s “My mother was a bitch. I hated her. I still do” or Trent’s “…Believe it or not, I’m your dad” or Jesse’s “The trauma from when you attacked her turned her into a drunken psycho, and I was the one who suffered the consequences” and Jesse’s final voice-over. The common problem with these lines is that they feel like they give away too much of the story and the character, or that they hammer the point of the script. More subtle dialogue in these and other spots could benefit and consolidate the solid character development present in this draft.
All in all, Where the Bad Kids Go seems to be headed in a good direction. More work in pointing Jesse towards being more active and a dialogue polish could do it big favors in helping it achieve its potential. There’s a lot that’s already very strong here and a few polishes could help it possibly be a scary and moving horror film.



More of my scripts on the link, please let me know if you'd like to read one of them! https://www.scriptrevolution.com/profiles/oscar-moreno
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Zombie Sean
Posted: February 19th, 2018, 11:09am Report to Moderator
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Oscar,

Thank you for the detailed feedback!


Quoted Text
In his current state, Jesse turns more towards passivity in the second act instead of that determination he shows earlier on in the script. It seems like things happen to him rather than him taking direct action against the forces that are attacking him.


This was honestly the direction I was going for, and it was to show the depression/schizophrenia slowly overtaking him, rather than him heading for that determination he first showed. Depression is one hell of a drug, and it shuts you in away from everyone else, and it slowly overcomes you day-by-day until it brings you down. It takes you away from your motivation to do things and instead you just wanna shut yourself away from the world, or wanna die even. It brings you down until you just don't want to be anymore.

Additionally, he did sorta find out information about his mom and what was really going on through his dad, Trent, and the letters that his mother left behind. Those scenes used to be longer before I cut them back, but they revealed a lot more about Helen and what Jesse was facing. The script used to be about 115 pages before I cut back and cut out a lot of scenes/dialogue.


Quoted Text
In addition, there are a few weak spots of dialogue that come off as a bit forced or obvious, such as Jesse's "My mother was a bitch. I hated her. I still do" or Trent's "Believe it or not, I'm your dad" or Jesse's "The trauma from when you attacked her turned her into a drunken psycho, and I was the one who suffered the consequences" and Jesse's final voice-over. The common problem with these lines is that they feel like they give away too much of the story and the character, or that they hammer the point of the script. More subtle dialogue in these and other spots could benefit and consolidate the solid character development present in this draft.


The dialogue is something that I am still working on with this script. I plan to have a sit-down with some friends and do a round table reading so that I can actually hear what the dialogue sounds like when it's spoken out loud. Now that you point out those lines, some of them do sound a bit to-the-point. I'll try and work on the dialogue some more, but it's just so difficult to make it sound real sometimes.

How did you feel about the character Marco? Was he developed enough? How did you feel about the reveal of Helen's death at the beginning? And what about the reveal Trent's death in the middle? I ask because these two scenes used to be real different (Helen's death reveal was during a therapist scene at the beginning, and Trent's death reveal was made by two police officers showing up at the house).

Thanks again for reading, I really do appreciate it.
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Zombie Sean
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If anyone is interested in the prose version of this script, it's based off of the short story by the same name that I wrote a couple years ago: http://afterlifeafterdeath.tumblr.com/post/142234097370/where-the-bad-kids-go
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Shawnkjr
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Cool! Hey Sean...I haven't been on the boards in a while but I used to enjoy your scripts. Going to give this a read soon.


Scarefest 2 presents: Home Malone - Short/Horror http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1220187087/
Spoiled - OWC Horror/Milk Exercise
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OscarM
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 1:30pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zombie Sean
Oscar,

Thank you for the detailed feedback!



This was honestly the direction I was going for, and it was to show the depression/schizophrenia slowly overtaking him, rather than him heading for that determination he first showed. Depression is one hell of a drug, and it shuts you in away from everyone else, and it slowly overcomes you day-by-day until it brings you down. It takes you away from your motivation to do things and instead you just wanna shut yourself away from the world, or wanna die even. It brings you down until you just don't want to be anymore.

Additionally, he did sorta find out information about his mom and what was really going on through his dad, Trent, and the letters that his mother left behind. Those scenes used to be longer before I cut them back, but they revealed a lot more about Helen and what Jesse was facing. The script used to be about 115 pages before I cut back and cut out a lot of scenes/dialogue.



The dialogue is something that I am still working on with this script. I plan to have a sit-down with some friends and do a round table reading so that I can actually hear what the dialogue sounds like when it's spoken out loud. Now that you point out those lines, some of them do sound a bit to-the-point. I'll try and work on the dialogue some more, but it's just so difficult to make it sound real sometimes.

How did you feel about the character Marco? Was he developed enough? How did you feel about the reveal of Helen's death at the beginning? And what about the reveal Trent's death in the middle? I ask because these two scenes used to be real different (Helen's death reveal was during a therapist scene at the beginning, and Trent's death reveal was made by two police officers showing up at the house).

Thanks again for reading, I really do appreciate it.


Hi Sean,

Yes, I understand what you were going for. But in this case, you may want to clarify Sean's depression. I didn't really see him as depressed. But also I think that if you're going in that direction, you may have to use Marco to be a foil for that and someone who helps him go through that because that way, as an audience we'd still sense the struggle he's going through while also watching how depression is consuming him. Things have to get really bad for him and those around him. I don't know if you've seen the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion but its protagonist suffers from depression that worsens especially at the end of the show, where the stakes are at their heighest and the consequences of that are frightening.

I did like Marco but sometimes he felt a bit too much like a soundboard and he kept disappearing. I think you could strengthen him to create a solid subplot that can serve the story or its themes. I thought Helen's death's reveal was almost a bit too casual but that's a matter of reworking the dialogue. Hearts in Atlantis isn't a very good movie but there are similar scenes at the beginning where the lead character finds out about his friend's death after receiving his baseball glove in the mail. And then at the friend's funeral, he talks to someone about the other friend he's waiting to see and that other person tells him that she has passed away. These are strong scenes because they're displayed through visuals, objects and actions and when there's dialogue, there's a rough reversal for the characters. The mood of the film, scene and character changes off that one line of dialogue. They feel it, we feel it. Not saying that what you did was wrong or bad, but you have a good chance there of punching it up. In fact, you're already doing that with Trent's death. It's surprising, scary and mysterious.

And you're welcome! Thanks for reading my script too!





More of my scripts on the link, please let me know if you'd like to read one of them! https://www.scriptrevolution.com/profiles/oscar-moreno
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 6:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, Sean. I figured I'd take a look at this one, since I haven't read much of your work in quite a while (took a long time off from the site as well).

I will generally refrain from mentioning formatting, in-text set direction, intentional sentence fragments, etc. henceforth, as well as the intentional 2-line slugs, unless any of them affect readability. I know you're already well versed in the "rules" by now and whatever choices you've made regarding them are obviously conscious and fully deliberate.

I'll red-line the entire PDF as I go with suggestions where I see opportunities for improvement and/or notice typos or mistakes. Shall I email it to you when done or nah? I just do that with all the features I read nowadays, as practice for my tech writing job; I won't be offended if you say no. Most of my text changes, dialogue suggestions, and edits will be on there. This post will be more general.

GENERALLY -
Your writing style is crisp, clear, and to-the-point without feeling overly vague or too staccato-like. I really enjoy that. That said, I noticed many unnecessary redundancies that really don't need to be there, since you're already descriptive enough otherwise.

STORY -
Pages 1-4: Jesse's V.O. could be highly condensed. It doesn't "read wrong" on paper, but that's 3-4 minutes of on-screen V.O., which I haven't seen in a lot of films and could easily get quite tiresome. I feel like little or no information would be lost if you trimmed it, since you already contextualize it visually pretty well, both in these same scenes AND throughout the entire story. That said, I definitely would KEEP "It�s been sixteen years since my mother tried to kill me" no matter what, since it's a pretty damn good hook (regardless, I also red-lined the V.O. in the pdf in case you do choose to keep all of it).

I obviously wouldn't want to you to delete ALL of the V.O., since it's Jesse's journal, just trim it a little. Or a lot, whatever you end up deciding when you polish this one up.

Jesse's child abuse in the beginning goes on really, really long for a horror film. It was a little uncomfortable, but I understand that this is a drama as well, so fair enough. Just saying, perhaps it's too early in the movie for a long montage like that. I'd still keep it, but I'd move it for later if it makes sense to do so. It might be better to pepper these little scenes throughout the script, rather than info-dump the viewer right off the bat.

Helen's first knife attack in Jesse's bedroom is pretty creepy. I almost thought she was a ghost for some reason, though she wasn't then. Good stuff.

The voices egging Jesse on to return home, go in the house, etc. would be awesome if handled quite delicately, mixed in very, very deep into the sound mix so they're almost inaudible. If shot as regular V.O., it could come off as cheesy. Not sure how important it is to call that out in the script, but I'm sure something creepy and subtle like that is what you were going for.

IMO: by page 14, the way Jesse's age differences are stated throughout the flashbacks are very, very distracting and/or confusing. Do we really need to make a distinction between Young Jesse (10) and Young Jesse (11)? I suggest just using general ages for him in particular, as it would help the reader picture the different actors needed for the roles. Same with Helen and whoever else applicable. I go more into it in the pdf, but I feel the need to notice here since it did make me go back and do a double-take more than once.

Marco's "when we were kids" line leads into a very small montage, then into a flashback. The transition is rather awkward; not the scenes before or after, mind you, just the transition w/the dialogue, if that makes sense. Is it needed? I think either the dialogue or the short montage could go, structurally speaking, but maybe it'll pay off later (read 'til later; it did, sort of).

I really dug the brief day-to-night transition where Jesse hallucinates Helen. Super creepy, and surprisingly not at all affected by Marco being present; usually it's the loneliness of a situation that builds up the dread and creep factor, but it all works well here. I like how you switch between Young Jesse's coming-of-age stuff and the present-day horror story stuff. Sometimes throughout the script, the actual execution of these transitions gets better or worse, but they're more or less always acceptable, and that's at the very least. Good work!

Pg. 19 (also on red-lined file) I don't know much about police procedure, but something tells me they'd check the whole house to even determine that it was a suicide and not murder, especially with the bizarre way she did it. The bit where Marco says they didn't need to check every room should perhaps go away. Again, not a cop expert, just throwing it out there.

I like the structurally casual yet narratively deep-rooted nature of Marco and Jesse's relationship. Not a lot of well-explored gay romances in horror films. It has the same sense of importance that hetero romantic subplots have on-screen in most films.

As a horror film, Helen and Jesse's house is almost a character in itself. I suggest identifying it by name where applicable (i.e. the Myers House from Halloween) both in the slugs and in the narrative. The scene with Jesse in the crawlspace 22 or so pages in where he sees the outline of a monster reminded me of The Babadook. In a good way, mind you. So far I'm not sure what the hell is wrong with Helen, or if there really is a monster in the crawlspace (doesn't look like it since she's creating noises to scare Jesse, but I could be wrong).

The scene of Helen peeking in on the kids as they play in Jesse's bedroom freaked the hell out of me. I don't know what the hell is wrong with her, but if there really is a monster, it can't be worse than her (hope the monster isn't a human she's keeping captive, since that's the first thing I thought of).

P.S. Missed a golden opportunity when Helen first meets Marco, and afterward. If she's homophobic, she may as well be racist. Could be going overboard; it's just a thought that popped into my head.

Rick monumentally pissed me off, which I guess is... good? That funeral home scene was well-written and I could picture it on-screen clear as day, could easily feel Jesse's growing antagonism towards him. That said I was slightly confused on Gabriele's gender due to the name spelling.

I know you said this one is personal to you, Sean, but the scenes with Helen and Young Jesse are incredibly distressing and sometimes go past the entertainment level, IMO (could be because it's also a drama, but this is rather unusual for Horror fare). I know they're crucial to the story and they do seem to be leading up to something, but these things are happening to a kid. I'd reel these scenes in just a little bit, enough so they're at least a bit more digestible to an audience. At this point I don't know if I can take more of it (I'm at page 36).

Possibly fun option: add Marco to the montage on page 36.

Stopped at page 40, will come back and re-post (or edit this one) when I finish. Nice job so far!
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Zombie Sean
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Shawnkjr
Cool! Hey Sean...I haven't been on the boards in a while but I used to enjoy your scripts. Going to give this a read soon.


I haven't been on the boards in quite a while myself! Glad to still see you around. And thanks for giving this a read! Means a lot to me!


Quoted from OscarM
Hi Sean,

Yes, I understand what you were going for. But in this case, you may want to clarify Sean's depression. I didn't really see him as depressed. But also I think that if you're going in that direction, you may have to use Marco to be a foil for that and someone who helps him go through that because that way, as an audience we'd still sense the struggle he's going through while also watching how depression is consuming him. Things have to get really bad for him and those around him. I don't know if you've seen the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion but its protagonist suffers from depression that worsens especially at the end of the show, where the stakes are at their heighest and the consequences of that are frightening.

I did like Marco but sometimes he felt a bit too much like a soundboard and he kept disappearing. I think you could strengthen him to create a solid subplot that can serve the story or its themes. I thought Helen's death's reveal was almost a bit too casual but that's a matter of reworking the dialogue. Hearts in Atlantis isn't a very good movie but there are similar scenes at the beginning where the lead character finds out about his friend's death after receiving his baseball glove in the mail. And then at the friend's funeral, he talks to someone about the other friend he's waiting to see and that other person tells him that she has passed away. These are strong scenes because they're displayed through visuals, objects and actions and when there's dialogue, there's a rough reversal for the characters. The mood of the film, scene and character changes off that one line of dialogue. They feel it, we feel it. Not saying that what you did was wrong or bad, but you have a good chance there of punching it up. In fact, you're already doing that with Trent's death. It's surprising, scary and mysterious.

And you're welcome! Thanks for reading my script too!


Thank you for this, Oscar! I completely understand. Much appreciation!

Reaper--

Thank you for reading thus far! And I'm glad that it is scaring you and that you're enjoying it. I would love to see the PDF edits that you've made which will definitely help my script in the next rewrite.


Quoted Text
Pages 1-4: Jesse's V.O. could be highly condensed. It doesn't "read wrong" on paper, but that's 3-4 minutes of on-screen V.O., which I haven't seen in a lot of films and could easily get quite tiresome. I feel like little or no information would be lost if you trimmed it, since you already contextualize it visually pretty well, both in these same scenes AND throughout the entire story...


...I obviously wouldn't want to you to delete ALL of the V.O., since it's Jesse's journal, just trim it a little. Or a lot, whatever you end up deciding when you polish this one up.


So I have the script open and just went through it trimming out some of the redundancies, and it actually does read a lot better. Thanks for that suggestion.


Quoted Text
Jesse's child abuse in the beginning goes on really, really long for a horror film. It was a little uncomfortable, but I understand that this is a drama as well, so fair enough. Just saying, perhaps it's too early in the movie for a long montage like that. I'd still keep it, but I'd move it for later if it makes sense to do so. It might be better to pepper these little scenes throughout the script, rather than info-dump the viewer right off the bat.


You think so? The montage would only be about 15-20 seconds long probably. 30 at most. But it would be quite disturbing too, I won't doubt that. I guess it just helps set the tone of what to expect throughout the script—just a bleak, disturbing atmosphere where everything bad that could happen, does. This isn't your average fairy tale!


Quoted Text
The voices egging Jesse on to return home, go in the house, etc. would be awesome if handled quite delicately, mixed in very, very deep into the sound mix so they're almost inaudible. If shot as regular V.O., it could come off as cheesy. Not sure how important it is to call that out in the script, but I'm sure something creepy and subtle like that is what you were going for.


I would want the voices to be very subtle, almost inaudible like you said. And whispered, off to the sides as if the audience is hearing voices themselves. If it were cheesy, regular voiceover, nah that wouldn't fly with me.


Quoted Text
IMO: by page 14, the way Jesse's age differences are stated throughout the flashbacks are very, very distracting and/or confusing. Do we really need to make a distinction between Young Jesse (10) and Young Jesse (11)? I suggest just using general ages for him in particular, as it would help the reader picture the different actors needed for the roles.


Yeah I wondered that when writing it but just kept it that way because I wasn't sure how else to portray the ages. I guess I don't mean to be so specific, but this is based off of a short story I wrote where the ages are specified so I worked off of that. But I'll clean that up throughout.


Quoted Text
Pg. 19 (also on red-lined file) I don't know much about police procedure, but something tells me they'd check the whole house to even determine that it was a suicide and not murder, especially with the bizarre way she did it. The bit where Marco says they didn't need to check every room should perhaps go away. Again, not a cop expert, just throwing it out there.

I like the structurally casual yet narratively deep-rooted nature of Marco and Jesse's relationship. Not a lot of well-explored gay romances in horror films. It has the same sense of importance that hetero romantic subplots have on-screen in most films.

As a horror film, Helen and Jesse's house is almost a character in itself. I suggest identifying it by name where applicable (i.e. the Myers House from Halloween) both in the slugs and in the narrative


I'll ask a cop lol. But really, though, I'm not sure either. I would figure since the body would be down in the basement and the charred area and gas container, and with no other signs of a struggle, it would seem more like a suicide than a murder and they wouldn't have to check all rooms. They might've tried testing the knob, but seeing that it's locked they probably didn't pay much mind to it. I could be completely wrong.

I wanted the "love story" to be as subtle and/or casual as possible and not "in your face" (I hate it when movies do that). Thanks.

That's a good idea about giving the house a name, because it truly is a character.


Quoted Text
P.S. Missed a golden opportunity when Helen first meets Marco, and afterward. If she's homophobic, she may as well be racist. Could be going overboard; it's just a thought that popped into my head.

Rick monumentally pissed me off, which I guess is... good? That funeral home scene was well-written and I could picture it on-screen clear as day, could easily feel Jesse's growing antagonism towards him. That said I was slightly confused on Gabriele's gender due to the name spelling.

I know you said this one is personal to you, Sean, but the scenes with Helen and Young Jesse are incredibly distressing and sometimes go past the entertainment level, IMO (could be because it's also a drama, but this is rather unusual for Horror fare). I know they're crucial to the story and they do seem to be leading up to something, but these things are happening to a kid. I'd reel these scenes in just a little bit, enough so they're at least a bit more digestible to an audience. At this point I don't know if I can take more of it (I'm at page 36)


Hah, I never thought about making her racist before. I guess that would make sense! I dunno if I should add it though...She's already hateful enough!

It's good that Rick pissed you off, he was supposed to. I worked in a funeral home that was like that, and it was just not good. I didn't like it.

I guess it's also good that these scenes are striking a cord (or is it chord?) with you? I didn't write it for shock material, I wrote it because it actually happens. I could tone it down a bit, but I really want people to dislike her. It makes sense in the end.

Thanks for reading what you have so far!
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Don
Posted: February 22nd, 2018, 10:24am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Sean,

Here are nice word in the comments about your script - http://www.simplyscripts.com/2018/02/18/original-script-sunday-february-18-2018/

Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: February 22nd, 2018, 10:55am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don
Sean,

Here are nice word in the comments about your script - http://www.simplyscripts.com/2018/02/18/original-script-sunday-february-18-2018/

Don


Don! Thanks for bringing that comment to my attention! It was very encouraging to read. He actually contacted me for an assignment he's working on and he chose Where the Bad Kids Go for his assignment, which has been both helpful and encouraging since we've been chatting.
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