SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 8:02pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 2017 OWC  ›  A Deathly Shade of Blue - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    A Deathly Shade of Blue - OWC  (currently 3740 views)
Warren
Posted: July 31st, 2017, 9:24pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.36
Doesn't matter what you write, if it has a long rape scene, necrophilia, racist undertones it's going to make you feel something, that by no means is a reflection of talent.




Revision History (1 edits)
Warren  -  August 3rd, 2017, 7:25pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 30 - 43
Grandma Bear
Posted: July 31st, 2017, 9:54pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36

Quoted from Warren
Doesn't matter what you write, if it has a long rape scene, necrophilia, racist undertones it's going to make you feel something, that by no means is a reflection of talent.


I felt it was well written and the writer knew how to stir readers' feelings. Which is usually what filmmakers are looking for...


Logged
Private Message Reply: 31 - 43
MarkItZero
Posted: July 31st, 2017, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1007
Posts Per Day
0.35

Quoted from Grandma Bear
Some people seem to absolutely hate this script. I can see why, but IMHO, it was well written and it kept me turning the pages. I felt something while reading. The script engaged me. Not many scripts do this, so I think the writer did a great job. Hard to make people feel strongly about a script, but this writer did.

I have no idea who wrote this, but I think the writer has talent.


Couldn't agree more. Actually, I thought this was one of the best shorts I've ever read on the site. Although, it can't compete with Numbers which had me staring at my computer screen in utter shock for like ten minutes afterwards at how good it was.

I don't even understand all the hate. I understand people hating it because it depicted some horrible, disgusting things. I don't understand any of the other criticism. I feel like I read a different screenplay. I hope once the reveal comes the author will be willing to talk about this one...


That rug really tied the room together.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 32 - 43
Warren
Posted: August 1st, 2017, 12:55am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.36
Never, at no point, did I say it wasn't well written. Clearly this is a talented writer.

I think my point was slightly lost. Anyone can write about disturbing and disgusting acts of violence and hatred and it will cause you to feel something. It's the nature of the content that makes you feel like that. Just watch A Serbian Film, shit movie, shit writing, shit everything, but it makes you feel something, so what? By that logic the writer has succeeded? Succeeded at what?

It's the content not the style/formating/tone etc.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 33 - 43
LC
Posted: August 1st, 2017, 1:54am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7581
Posts Per Day
1.34
The problem I have with this, apart from overkill i.e., the necrophilia (too sensational) is the attempt to romanticise and have it both ways with the character of Abdul. Almost as if you couldn't decide between making  him a victim of his own indoctrination or on the other hand a redeeming character. You chose 'bad guy' but with a last minute spin through his final act of killing the other bad guys, and martyrdom.

ABDUL (VO)
But, even though she allowed them
to do those things, I couldn’t help
but love her.

He loves her? Hormones kicking in do not make a rapist. Abdul is who is despite the attempt to romanticise.

She allowed them to commit horrible acts of defilement? Even if you allow that this is indeed how Abdul views things (Abdul doesn't hesitate to rape Jade, even in death) why would he not follow through with these same beliefs to the end? That's where you lost me.

Follow it through Abdul would have detonated that bomb in a crowded place according to his beliefs, but he doesn't, which leads me to think the plot twist comes about only because of the parameters of this challenge.

Speaking of, it came through as odd that there are only ever three characters in this Mosque, as if it was their home.

Abdul's a deluded teen at best, psychotic at worst.

Sorry, I just felt a little duped.

You could easily have set Abdul up as an extremist follower who chooses to act as an individual despite his upbringing and indoctrination.. Save Jade, or at least attempt to get her out of there and blow up the other two and himself. That'd be true revenge and martyrdom and be making a statement about individuality, hope, and salvation in the face of extremist brainwashing mentality.

Am I being idealistic? Perhaps. But Abdul's character could have been too.

I had hoped from his first appearance that he was going this way:
The Only Thing Necessary for the Triumph of Evil is that Good Men Do Nothing.

That's the powerful message that still needs to be propagated imh. Not the one that is most sensational, all too common unfortunately, and stereotypical.

P.S. Jade's voice speaking along with his? The (verbatim) formatting was clunky, even though I think I get the idea.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 34 - 43
Tyler King
Posted: August 1st, 2017, 3:57am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Indiana
Posts
192
Posts Per Day
0.03
I thought this was deeply disturbing, but it kept my interest. Then again, I'm a weirdo who's a stickler for things deeply disturbing/scary/horrific/gruesome/etc... This almost went a little overboard, though, tbh. Especially the part with the corpse. It was very emotional and sad and if that's what you were going for - then congratulations, you nailed it, no pun intended. This was extremely well written/formatted as well. I don't think I would ever WATCH this if it were ever to be filmed though. But Good job
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 35 - 43
eldave1
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 10:18am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95

Quoted from LC

(Abdul doesn't hesitate to rape Jade, even in death) why would he not follow through with these same beliefs to the end? That's where you lost me.


Same reaction. The story thread is: (1) a Muslim boy participates in the gang rape of a woman in a Mosque, while she is also being poisoned. (2) A Muslim boy rapes the woman's corpse (3) A Muslim boy avenges her rape and death because he loves the woman.

There is just such a disconnect between 1,2, and 3.  One head's spin because of the disconnect. SO for me it was less of a ahhhh and more of a WTF????.

And again - way too disturbing for my taste. But that is just me.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 36 - 43
MarkItZero
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 12:18pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1007
Posts Per Day
0.35
Yes, all perfectly reasonable points. I didn't mean to suggest earlier that I don't understand any of the feedback. I was referring to the criticism of it being some sort of propaganda piece. And trying (failing) at subtlety cuz I don't actually wanna get into a debate about that stuff.

In terms of the disconnect, romanticized ending, redemption being an issue... I get where people are coming from. I just didn't see the ending the same way. I thought the image of Jade and his voiceover were just the last thoughts/images before this seriously disturbed kid killed himself. Not proof he was going to the afterlife to live with Jade as his prize. Earlier in the script a corpses lips are moving. That's not real. So, I'm not sure how the ending is 100% a real depiction of him ascending to the afterlife.

There's Abdul's increasingly distorted fantasy where Jade's love has given him strength and by killing the terrorists he'll be with her forever.

Then there's reality -- a mentally ill, physically abused, 15-year old kid who commits rape then drives around talking to a corpse and eventually kills himself.

I don't think he got rewarded/redeemed. He kills two terrorists, thus saving many lives, but he only does it as part of this sick fantasy. His unforgivable actions, and his complete disconnect from reality distort the one good deed to the point where it's meaningless. Which is kind of sad, in a way.

That's just my take on it. As usual, I don't necessarily know what I'm talking about.


That rug really tied the room together.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 37 - 43
Grandma Bear
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 12:44pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
Let's also not forget that this is an OWC entry. It was written in one week. I'm sure the writer will see some of the issues with believability and disconnect and take care of those issues in a rewrite. If he (yes, I do believe a male wrote this) decides to get back to the script.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 38 - 43
Heretic
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts
2023
Posts Per Day
0.28
(I'll clarify my suggestion that this is propaganda, though I'm not meaning to argue with anyone or suggest that this is the only way to view this piece. Noting as well that just because something is propaganda doesn't mean it's not good art. This script is good work.)

This story falls squarely within the "they're raping women" tradition of propaganda. Italian fascists, German fascists, North American politicians of all sorts, and many others built power throughout the previous century on images of dark, scary "not us" people committing vile acts of rape. Lynchings of blacks in the U.S. were typically predicated on or justified by stories of rape or potential rape. Nazi propaganda depicted Jews as rapists. Italian Fascist propaganda depicted dark-skinned foreign soldiers raping white women.

In the last couple years, a U.S. Republican candidate suggested that Mexican immigration needed to be reduced because "they're rapists," a Polish magazine depicted a white woman being attacked by three dark-skinned men with the headline "The Islamic Rape of Europe," a thirteen-year old German girl became a Channel One media sensation in Russia after falsely claiming that she was gang-raped by swarthy immigrant men, and a young U.S. man walked into a church and told the black churchgoers "You rape our women" before shooting and killing nine of them.

This is an excellently-written script that ultimately performs the same propaganda function as all of that other bullshit: it depicts members of a specific and relatively small outsider group engaging in utterly horrific acts in order to generate fear and revulsion that will, of course, attach to that group. Even beyond the superficialities, this script explicitly connects Islam to its pointlessly exhaustive rape sequences. The Quran is highlighted immediately before the rape begins, the young protagonist is told that the rape is part of becoming a good Muslim, and the rape is justified by an Islamic cosmology. The one innovation -- the rape of a mixed-race girl representing a modern liberal pluralism, rather than the usual white girl representing national uniformity -- does little to change this basic feature of the story, in my opinion. It's a story where a bunch of scary immigrants commit a brutal rape, and people have been telling that story for a long time.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 39 - 43
Cameron
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Cripes, this one's still running then.

I was absolutely disgusted by the actions within this script, it was really pretty revolting and vile, but I think when we start talking about propoganda we're taking this too far.

There are the films out there with scenes that have terrorised screens for years. Strawdogs, Ireversable, Baise Moi and so on. I know this selection above highlight sexual crimes and brutality, but there are religious equivalents too, the above script has both religion and sexual violence which is the double whammy, making it even harder to stomach.

This may be vile, it may also not be correctly placed within the confines of this challenge, but I do think that taking it from a political and racial angle is a bit strong. Who knows, Nigel Farage could have written this under a different name, then I'll take it back, but until that point I reckon we wait and see what the writer (hopefully) has to say about their intentions.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 40 - 43
PrussianMosby
Posted: August 2nd, 2017, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1399
Posts Per Day
0.37
No, it's wrong.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 41 - 43
Warren
Posted: August 4th, 2017, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3897
Posts Per Day
1.36
No surprises here.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 42 - 43
DustinBowcot
Posted: August 5th, 2017, 12:44pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Cameron
Hey Writer,

Oooooph, this was a dark one, very, very dark. That's not to say it was bad, but it's subject matter won't be everyone's cup of tea.


Eff 'em.


Quoted from Cameron

It drew emotions of sympathy, revulsion and anger out of me, and sometimes OWC scripts will only leave you with a smirk or a 5 minute imprint.

So many mixed emotions within 9 pages of work, well done writer.


Exactly what I was going for. TBH, this stemmed from the short, Farside. There's a comedian, and I wrote a bunch of anti-Islamic jokes to be read out by the Comedian that would provide a stark contrast to the rest of the film that exposes racism and helps us identify our own prejudices. Anyway, the jokes were dropped and only one was kept that the director managed to pull off with finesse... but still.... it pissed me off, so I wanted to write something offensive. Something that would put the lefties in a stir. Pop their little bullshit bubble.

There's only one thing worse than a right wing nutcase, and that's a left wing nutcase.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 43 - 43
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    July 2017 OWC  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006