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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 2017 OWC  ›  Take 2 - OWC
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  Author    Take 2 - OWC  (currently 2086 views)
PedroS
Posted: July 27th, 2017, 2:44am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



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Great twist an decent dialogs.
I liked the character and the naiveté that gave their dialogs a humorous touch.
Although the pace was here and there too slow, you still did a great job!
Keep it up!

Cheers,

Pedro
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SAC
Posted: July 27th, 2017, 10:08am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Upstate NY
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Writer,

Funny in places, but overall it feels like you didn't really have a killer script to enter and came up with this. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm guilty of it too. Just seems like this was thrown together. Still, decent effort for the time.

Steve


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: July 27th, 2017, 2:22pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I was getting a kick out of this until page 8.

I enjoyed: They had to settle for a lopsided grin and was smiling at that image, but then it turned flat for me. I felt the story was over at that point and yet they just kept chatting.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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