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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 2018 One Week Challenge  ›  It's Killer - OWC
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  Author    It's Killer - OWC  (currently 1496 views)
Grandma Bear
Posted: August 8th, 2018, 12:52pm Report to Moderator
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Well... I was sort of enjoying this. I thought it was amusing, but it honestly felt like it was going to be a commercial until he stabbed her in the chest.

Not sure what else to say about this one. Not much of a story here. No dialogue, so that was good. Heat? Didn't really play a part, unless the Ghoul's face melted behind the mask.  


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ReneC
Posted: August 8th, 2018, 1:33pm Report to Moderator
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Interesting choice for the OWC. There's no story here at all, it's just a cheeky commercial ad. It technically meets the requirements, it's technically a valid entry, but not one I'll take seriously.

I could see it getting made just for kicks, so there's that.

Nice try though.


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Kyle
Posted: August 8th, 2018, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
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I felt this worked well within the challenge but not sure it would as a stand alone piece.

It's well written, well paced, unique and definitely one of the better ones I've read so far. Best of luck with it.
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SAC
Posted: August 9th, 2018, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,


A commercial huh? okay. It seems to have hit the challenge requirements so no issue there. Not a real "story" but it was light in tone and fun. And the Ghoul, besides a cool drink, got what he wanted--another notch in his body count belt. Good job!


Steve


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SteveUK
Posted: August 10th, 2018, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, so this is more of a sketch than a short, but it did make me chuckle in a couple of places.

Not really a story to this so it’s hard to comment in that aspect, but you pretty much hit the criteria and this was pretty well written.
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DaveTroop
Posted: August 11th, 2018, 2:22am Report to Moderator
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Hey writer

It's good to see the front man for KISS is writing again.  Welcome back.

A short short.  Nice one.  

Decent suspense, but the heat factor fell short.  
The comedy was pretty good.  Hunk's feminine scream.  The Hottie - oh you just want some water?   But, when Hottie got stabbed for the IT'S A KILLER punch line,  you lost me.

Seems like this was someone's lesser second entry into the contest.

Nice job.  Good luck.
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Pale Yellow
Posted: August 11th, 2018, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
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Love the title and I love your logline.

ok... so I about choked when I read... pregnant Python.

This reads more like a commercial than a story/screenplay.

I would've liked to see the hot dude run off screaming like a girl... and the girl bust the glass and slash the creepo's throat open though.

Good writing. Enjoyed the page count too.
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